accept

Being an alcoholic has ruined my life in so many ways. I am only 29 years old but as my alcoholism escalated about 14 months ago (I have been drinking every day for over a year now but overall i have been drinking since the age of 14). I have made so many mistakes! I have basically lost all of my friends, I have a few left that are still hanging in there but none of them trust me. I have lied to my family, I have disappointed them, hurt them etc etc... But worst of all is the damage and hurt I have caused my man! Every time that I drink I become another person- I lie, I cheat and I hurt! I have no idea why my man is so forgiving... The things I have done are unacceptable! He is not some sort of coward who is dependent on me and therefore doesn't leave me.. I guess he simply loves me too much/is afraid I will drink myself to death if he leaves me... Another thing that freaks me out is what I have done to my body by drinking this heavily for so long.
Today is my day #3... I am ready to make a change but I have no idea how I can start a new sober life when I know what I have done to all the people I love. Does anyone have any advice on how to forgive yourself? Because I guess that is an important part of recovering from alcoholism?

ScottFromWI

For me it's much more important to focus on recovery and the positive changes being sober will have on me and those around me.

You cannot change anything you have done, and nothing you can say will make any of it more acceptable or less harmful. Rather than worrying about forgiving yourself right now - try accepting the fact that you did these things and that the best way to move forward is to not drink. Over time becoming a sober, honest, responsible person will go a long way in mending the wounds that were opened by alcohol.

BabyJane

Learning to forgive yourself and love yourself is a long process, especially for addicts and alcoholics. You will need to be patitent and, yes, just stay sober no matter what. The rest will come. Have you looked into meetings or anything like that? Step work helps me change my behavior and my thinking once I put down the substances. It is an everyday struggle though. I still have days where I feel very ashamed and sad about my life and how I've chosen to live up until now. But that's not everyday. It's getting to be less and less as the months go by and I do the work. I also volunteer; which helps a lot.

My sponsor said self esteem comes from doing esteemable things. Good to remember. Go forward from here and just do your best, one day at a time, and things will change as long as you don't get drunk.

Good luck and congrats on 3 days!

LDT

That was the hardest thing for me in recovery. I had a hell of a time forgiving myself. But I find that the longer I go into recovery, the longer I stay sober and live authentically, the forgiveness becomes easier. I may not always succeed, but I try to do the next right thing, and I find peace in that.

Bubovski

If you join a group sharing your problems with alcohol, get absorbed/busy
some of the guilt/remorse will be obscured to some degree.
Really past bad happenings are only of benefit to motivate you to act now
but in the opposite direction.

least

It takes time to forgive yourself. Just sober time to come to trust yourself again. Stay sober and do your best and in time you'll be able to forgive yourself and be the person you want to be.

Mizzuno

Forgiveness comes with time. I am still working on that part. Continuing to drink will not help the situation, because the behaviors will not change if you continue drinking. It takes time. With each day that you are sober you are showing your loved ones the change that is being made. Keep on walking forward.

neferkamichael

Accept, Today is my day #3...? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. I'm doing great giving up the chemical substances, but changing my behavior is something else. It you figure out how to forgive yourself, please post it. Rootin for ya.

Hevyn

Welcome accept. You found a great place for support. We're glad to have you join us.

I almost couldn't face things I'd said and done - and it kept me from moving forward. I finally gave myself a break and told myself that the person who did those things was not the real me. Alcohol always caused me to do out of character & embarrassing things - I had to kick it out of my life for good. There was never any control once it got in my system.

I'm happy you've realized what it's doing to you. Here's where the uncertainty and dangerous behavior can end. You've come to the right place for encouragement and help.

accept

BabyJane, THANKYOU! I have thought of doing volunteer work myself as I think that may help me... I have not gone to any meetings... I am terrified of going there... I am quite young and I am afraid of what I may face while at a meeting. I dont think I am ready to talk out openly infront of strangers about my problems... I would love to go and I know that AA hold meetings just around my block.. Hopefully SR and all the people here will inspire me enough such that I will get the courage to go to my first meeting

BlueFrancis

I've been there, it's hard. If you're staying sober then you're taking responsibility for your actions. That's all you can do.

Give yourself some credit for being sober. I've found it's not about forgiving oneself but realizing that you're now a recovering alcoholic and therefore a different person. Don't forget who you were though, it's hard to think about but it serves as a reminder of why you should stay sober.

Also, it does get better if you stay sober.

Good luck with your recovery, I hope everything goes well for you.

accept

Thankyou neferkaMichael! Yes today is my 4th day! I already feel better than I've done in a loooong time... If I figure out a way to forgive myself you're the first one I'll tell
Hevyn, THANKS!

Anyone got any advice on how to handle social gatherings etc where alcohol is involved? This weekend I am going to a wedding and it is freaking me out!!!!
I do not know what to tell people when they start asking me why I dont drink.. Any advice? I work within finance where I wine & dine clients 3-4 evenings per week.... Same thing with friends, when we meet, we catch up over a glass of wine. I dont have the guts to tell people I am a recovering alcoholic and I have no idea on how to handle all these situations that involves alcohol. Anyone has any experience from this? Someone who recognize the "dilemma"/situation?