teardrop

well after a sh!t day, getting depressed, which i get very easilly, today was due to the fact that after 7 days of finding no slugs in my house, i had a massive slug trail on my living room carpet this morning when i got up, the council wont do nothing, but since ive only lived here 6 weeks, and its clear to me that the slugs have lived here much longer, i actually took some floor boards out and up to my local council office and showed them the slime and wood worm rotten boards, much to their supprise that i actually walked in with 4 floor boards in my arms, and i told them its out of order to allow someone to move into a house like this, it was empty for over a month before i got it while they were supposed to inspect the whole house, (including check for rotten floor boards), anyway after today im waiting for a inspector to phone me as this is work which they said should have been done prior to me moving in, though they dont think the slug problem is theirs, but i told them it is, they this time are responsible because they let us the house with this infestation!!!

anyway thats todays main depression and cause of thoughts to hit the f it button, maybe not a big problem to some but these slugs are p!ssing me off they are gross

also today i went to my doctor, he gave me librium to take if im really anxious and hes weening me off prozac this week and then a week off anti depressants, then on to sertraline

f knows how i got through this last week, because last tuesday i felt sh!t and was gonna give in

today i was seriously thinking of having a drink, but didnt

but i got my £15 out of my wallet and bought toilet roll guinea pig food crisps ham bread chocolates etc so i couldnt buy a big pack of lagers

todays reasons i chose not to drink were

i dont want hangover/headache tomorrow,and a crap nights sleep tonight

i would only feel worse tomorrow and want to drink again

and as a bonus im allowed to order a ashley exhaust for my fiesta xr2i for being good

its not bloody easy i tell you

oak

Congrats on staying sober. I know it is hard sometimes.

teardrop

its hard most times at moment for me

shirlygirly

hey, teardrop. it's crazy how life just shows up when you're pulling yourself together, and it tests you to see if you can stay sober.

in my first 60 days of sobriety i was dumped by my long-term boyfriend because when i got sober "it got real," i had a botched surgery that led to a second surgery (meaning a lot of missed work), i got mugged, and i wound up having a neighbor move in to my apartment with a flea infestation, which ruined a lot of my stuff.

it was awful.l when people would ask me how i was doing, my response would be "well since i've gotten sober, x, y and z happened, and my life is now terrible."

but you know what? all of that stuff would've happened whether i was sober or drunk, and i can guarantee you that things would've been a HELL of a lot worse if i was drinking when everything happened. now i'm four months sober (officially tomorrow), and i consider that time in my life an exceptional milestone in my sobriety, since i was able to get through it all without picking up a drink.

i know it's really tough at times, but hang in there. i PROMISE you that things will get better and better with each day you don't pick up a drink.

teardrop

i know what your saying, id still have my slug and wood worm problem, and other problems in my life that ive got

which to me all my problems are big, but i know people are worse off than me

but the thought of f this ive had enough and looking to the bottle to escape, or in my case lots of packs of lager.

i seem to have no where to escape from myself!!! my problems

and yeah your right id still have these problems and depending on what happens in blackout i could end up with even more problems which could have been avoided, which i cause myself, because i havnt got a clue what im doing, though at the time i always think its the best idea in the world, NOT, best ideas dont land me in court,hospital,fights,or waking up somewhere thinking where am i how did i get here

but my AV keeps trying to tell me ill get away with it, ill be fine, remember so and so day, you got drunk had no trouble went to bed, and laughed about the sillyness the next day

every time i drink i get into the state of blackout where i do stuff i dont know im doing

fair point sometimes its just harmless silly banter, other times its anything from hitting someone, smashing up property, steeling, driving, abuse on the internet, ebay, forums i joined for my hobbies, bmx and car forums, which im now banned from

i cant be trusted to get drunk, i cant drink 1 beer, ill be addicted again after the first mouthful its just how it is

Jsober

Drinking will not help solve any problems. It will only make them worse, or you will not take of them. It sounds like you are doing what you can to take action despite your feelings. Good for you, it's the best you can do.

shirlygirly

well it's good that you're admitting that your life is unmanageable when drinking, teardrop. do you ever go to AA meetings?

noprob

I agree and can attest to this statement because one day at a time I now have years of sobriety because I didn't pick up.(and followed simple steps)

What really p'd me off (*good thing this is a we program) the most the first year of sobriety was my counselor saying "now Glen it's going to be rough sometimes,you will take two steps forward and one back " I thought what is the use if this is true and realized it's just about not giving up and hearing in the rooms of AA, hang around and see the miracle happen,not realizing yet again that for me not to drink (and drug) is against my nature.

So thank you teardrop for your share.

Once I got sick and tired of being sick and tired I looked for that somebody in the rooms that had what I desired (wanted) asked said person to be my Sponsor.

I'm glad and blessed that I did so.
I learned what the phrase is I never understood until I was ready for it,Peace and Serenity,may you find it now.

In love and service Glen C.

Carlotta

It will get better. I promise
Sometimes at the beginning, the idea of being sober forever can be really overwhelming. Some of us have found it easier to just go by 24 hours increments, I hope you will join us on the 24 hours club where we pledge to remain clean and sober for today http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-10-a.html

ScottFromWI

That's the crux of the matter there teardrop. Life isn't supposed to be about escaping yourself or your problems. Doing so only makes them worse and usually creates additional problems. The key to sobriety is figuring out how do deal with life's problems, not finding another way to escape them once you quit drinking.

Whether its AA, SR, AVRT or whatever you choose, all recovery programs are about learning to deal with life sober, not escaping life. Have you tried any of these at all?

teardrop

ive been to aa loads but not in this time of being sober (2 months now)

ScottFromWI

Perhaps it's time to try again, or try something else?

teardrop

not aa its not for me some of the stuff people say on here that do go to aa, is alot different to how they do aa where i went, where i went although they knew how aa works, there were too many (shall we say people in charge/ or thought they were in charge)

i thought aa was run by the group, not one or two who think that everyone does as they say, and they even kicked one lad out, banned him, who was obviously in need of help,

part of the big book or twelve and twelve, states we cant deny anyone aa, noone declares you in noone can stop you coming how ever twisted or sick you are, so how the f did they manage to bann someone?

ScottFromWI

Notice I said Try AA "or something else". If AA doesn't work for you there are many other options. And if it's the people in a particular meeting you don't like, there are also other meetings.

whosetoblame

Sounds like that AA meeting needed some newcomers to come in and turn things around. I felt that way in the beginning and left, only to come back years later when I hit rock bottom. If I want a voice in those groups, I have to be a participant. Attending those meetings will not only change you but those who have no voice.