Day two of tapering down...feeling ok
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1
Day two of tapering down...feeling ok
Hello, I'm a newcomer again. I had about 5 years clean (oxys), and am now on the end of a 6 month run again. How did I end up back here? I decided I could recreationally use again every once in awhile, and of course it was a lie. Up until Sunday, I used about 50 to 60 mgs a day for the past 2 months, less the months before. I have to do this in secret, from everyone, and God willing I will make it. Yesterday I only had 20 mgs, and didn't feel wonderful, so I know my body is aching for it, but I'm only going to give it what I need to to not get found out or asked why I'm sick. I know withdrawls are a part of it, no way around it, but I have to lessen it by tapering.
I've killed my bank account, had to borrow money just to make it the rest of this week, and how the hell my husband hasn't asked me where all that money has gone the past months is beyond me. Maybe he is too scared to ask. I have played it off as just eating out for lunch a lot, or paying ahead on a bill, etc.etc. I fear that I may have to tell him everything sooner or later. And I know that no matter what, telling him would make this easier, but I'm scared. I'm sick of lying and hiding and being fearful of being found out. Just sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Sad thing, I have so much knowledge of the program, and am a member of such a strong AA group, it's almost pathetic. Oh yeah, hubby is too, he's practically a guru. My story is quite screwed up, eh? Been doing a lot of lying lately. Have a lot of **** to clean up.
I'll stop for now, but I sure wouldn't mind if people checked in on me over the next few days, just something to pop up in my email and remind me to keep going? Like I said, I'm not doing horribly, I know it's going to suck physically but it's not going to be bad as cold turkey.
Thanks for listening.
I've killed my bank account, had to borrow money just to make it the rest of this week, and how the hell my husband hasn't asked me where all that money has gone the past months is beyond me. Maybe he is too scared to ask. I have played it off as just eating out for lunch a lot, or paying ahead on a bill, etc.etc. I fear that I may have to tell him everything sooner or later. And I know that no matter what, telling him would make this easier, but I'm scared. I'm sick of lying and hiding and being fearful of being found out. Just sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Sad thing, I have so much knowledge of the program, and am a member of such a strong AA group, it's almost pathetic. Oh yeah, hubby is too, he's practically a guru. My story is quite screwed up, eh? Been doing a lot of lying lately. Have a lot of **** to clean up.
I'll stop for now, but I sure wouldn't mind if people checked in on me over the next few days, just something to pop up in my email and remind me to keep going? Like I said, I'm not doing horribly, I know it's going to suck physically but it's not going to be bad as cold turkey.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 46
Welcome JumpingoffPoint
You are not alone in this. SR is a wonderful place with lovely people and support to keep you going. Check in daily.
I was also scared to admit to the truth of my addiction - in fact, scared is an understatement - I was petrified...
It is still early days for me but I could not have come this far without the support of SR.
You are not alone in this. SR is a wonderful place with lovely people and support to keep you going. Check in daily.
I was also scared to admit to the truth of my addiction - in fact, scared is an understatement - I was petrified...
It is still early days for me but I could not have come this far without the support of SR.
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