Babs78756

I had read in these threads that after a baby the desire to drink was overwhelming. I have had many scares with alcohol and thought I'd know better once my daughter arrived. Id have it together. Well, this morning I have trash can full of bottles and more hidden on my closet. I cannot breast feed my daughter because I've been drinking. How did I let it get this far?! I've just always maintains "I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink a lot." We'll my pregnancy has highlighted that I am in fact am alcoholic because I can't and don't stop drinking. I'm hungover after a night of hiding my drinking from my husband. A phone call from my mom woke me up to say she's concerned about my drinking and my new daughter. I'm a terrible person. I've stared at my daughter all morning, hating myself for not stopping- to be better for her. I hate myself. I hate everything I've done- I hate the wife I am, the mother I am, the daughter I am. What will it take?! I have to stop.

Any new moms out there want to support each other through this?

Today I will not drink. Can we support each other through this?

ippochick

first of all, stop hating yourself. it won't help.

i started drinking again after breastfeeding my new daughter for 4 weeks. i only stopped again 5 weeks ago, and she's 13 now. i wasn't emotionally present for a lot of her childhood, and i'll always be trying to make up for that.

go and talk to a medical professional - your doctor, or health visitor? if you can get on top of this now, i promise you will never regret it. be kind to yourself, and seek some help. posting here was a brilliant first step, now you need to work out what to do next.

best of luck. there's a mums and moms thread in the Daily Support forum -you're not alone.

Mizzuno

I have not gone through what you are going through, but i know what it is like to want to stop drinking and not being able too.
You can do this one day at a time. I like the suggestion of going to the doctor and speaking with him/her. You will need all the support that you can get right now. We are here for you.

Notmyrealname

You're not a terrible person. You just have a problem with alcohol. If it was an easy thing to deal with this forum wouldn't have a hundred people browsing at any given hour of the day.

It sounds like you know it's a problem and you're not in denial for right now, anyway, so the next step is figuring out what you're going to do about it (planning) and then go do something about it (execution).

You're on the right track, you have momentum beginning. Run with it.

ScottFromWI

I am not a mother Babs, but i am an alcoholic. It's very important to not let the self hate and self pity take control in situations like this. Especially with all the new responsibilities you now have.

You are not a bad person, you are an alcoholic. Alcoholism makes good people do bad things. The good news is though, that it's 100% curable if you want it to be. What's necessary to make that happen is a absolute committment to sobriety. Worrying about the past will not help.

So what do you do? First get rid of the alcohol. Dump it, throw it away, whatever you need to do. Next, figure out what steps you need to take to get through today. You could talk to your doctor, your husband, the AA hotline locally, there are a lot of choices. But honesty to yourself and everyone around you are paramount at this time.

Stay with us here - you can do this, and you will do this if you commit to it. Your family needs you to do this of course, but first you need to do it for yourself. Coming here was a big step forward - keep the momentum going.

visch1

Hi. Your here and that's a good start, and please don't beat yourself. There' is an expression in AA "I didn't know what I didn't know" The important thing is being honest with ourselves and doing something positive about our problem, ALCOHOL is /never was our friend. Lots of help here by reading all the posts going way back. The bottom line is we don't pick up the first drink so we don't have to get sober AGAIN. BE WELL

quitforme79

Okay, stop hating ... Just take the word right out of your vocabulary. Perhaps start telling yourself you love yourself enough to want to be sober & healthy so you can be there for your family. I don't have a family so I can't relate to that but I am an alcoholic & couldn't start to get better until I accepted I was powerless over alcohol. AA has been a wonderful program that has taught and is still teaching me how to live sober. SR has also been my saving grace. You're not alone & you can do this if you really want it!

Nonsensical

Alcohol addiction makes you two people; one addicted and one sober. Your addiction loves it when it can get you to think in terms of hating your whole self. It feeds on that. People wallowing in self-loathing are easy to convince that another drink is a fine idea.

The part of you that wants to be a good mother, wife and daughter - the part that isn't addicted - can beat this.

What's the plan? You have to fight it, but you don't have to fight it alone.

Nuudawn

Awww sweetie (((welcome))). You likely had a problem with alcohol long before you got pregnant. You figured that might fix it right? Unfortunately children don't fix alcoholism...well, not directly anyway. The fact that you see your problem in light of your daughter...means...you're not a terrible person...at all. You see a problem now..without any doubt...without projection of future cures like when my daughter arrives. She has arrived and that wasn't the cure. Posting here was a really, really good step to addressing it...finally : ) The solution is not drinking and doing all that you need to do in order to maintain that solution. We are here...and there are many, many answers and people in the world of recovery. You are not alone.

ReadyAtLast

don't hate yourself. accept you have a problem,stop beating yourself up. use this as a good reason to stop drinking now and be the best mother you can be. I'm not a new mum, (son is nearly 4) but I totally understand. The first thing I did when I brought my son home from hospital was open a bottle of wine, I discharged myself early after 2 nights in hospital because I couldn't drink in hospital,even then I didn't acknowledge my problem.

As a pp says though I soon became aware I was not emotionally present for my son and having a hangover with a baby is not good at all. It took me another 3 years to quit.At least you've realized you have a problem now and can take real steps to stop it.

Have you got a recovery plan and support?

Pamel

Babs, your post made me cry for you. YOU are not a terrible person, you are in the grips of a gene that makes you crave alcohol, and it is very powerful. Without help you have little chance of beating it. Be it Doctor(s), therapy, or the best, AA: go and get help.

Especially at AA EVERYONE understands your problem; they have been there or worse. There are special meetings for Mothers who bring their children. Call the AA hotline and ask about them.

We alcoholics are so fortunate in that we have a solution to our problem: don't drink.

We are unfortunate in that it is a TERRIBLE battle, won only with the help of others who have been there. BTW, I am still fighting the "curse" myself, but it has led me to some amazing people and some of the best times I have had in my life. The good news is that it is that we have a "cure": JUST DON'T DRINK and get help from others.

We give each other strength and empathy, you are SO not alone. 10% of the population suffers rom this problem, I am told and out of that 10% few "make it". Scary stuff.

Bombadil

Alcoholism doesn't make you a terrible person. It's a sickness, like any other. This could be the wake-up call you need. I won't pretend I know what you're going through specifically, because I don't have kids, but I understand the feeling of self-loathing. I missed my cousin's funeral because I was passed out from drinking alone the night before. It's hard to not feel terrible in situations like these. But assuming you rectify the situation, it's not your fault. It's this stupid disease's fault.

Promise yourself you'll never again touch a drop, for your daughter's sake. After a few days with a clear head, you'll feel better about yourself. I'm 4 days sober and my self-esteem is already starting to improve.

I'm not pretending to be an expert on this (as I said, I'm still in the very early days of recovery), but I think the only way you'll feel better is to stop feeding the cravings. You are stronger than any addiction.

DoloresHaze

I have been through the same thing. When my son (now 5) was born, it was the perfect storm. All of a sudden I was home all day alone instead of at work. I was in a new, stressful situation. My sleep was sporadic, and to top it all off, my husband's bar had just closed and we inherited an entire box of bottles of booze.

Oh that box....it was like an alcoholic's candy store!!!

I would pump milk when I was sober for a significant amount of hours and stick it in the fridge, so that I could drink later. Eventually, I got the situation under control but I never totally quit. I'm still working on that.

I know how you feel. This is hard indeed.

RyanKelly

As a male, I can only comment on my own experience. But, I think the alcoholic mind is a shared experience among us, so this is my input. You slipped up, you made a mistake, you drank, you are now feeling low, self-hating, and miserable. It is over. Case-closed.

Now, you have a clean slate. Yesterday is over. Keep it there in the past where it belongs. Break the cycle of self-loathing and hatred. It will only bring you down. Write tomorrow's history today - and let it be alcohol-free.

Feel unburdened by your yesterdays so that your tomorrows are bright.

PS You do sound like a very concerned and caring mother! Congratulations on your new daughter!

Babs78756

Thank you all so much. I have kept my drinking a secret (or maybe not). It's just a relief to post here and find support. It's been a long road. Everything around the drinking is so shameful and sucks joy and loveliness out of everyday. I look at my daughter and feel that she deserves so much better than me. I was raised in an alcoholic home and know what that could do. I know that if I don't make this step and quit drinking I will lose my husband and my daughter. My heart hurts to think of it. I will come back here everyday and will gain strength from all of you. I thank you all for your empathy and continued support.

BabyJane

I'm having a baby in 2-4 weeks and I am terrified of this too. My choice would be opiates but I drank too. I have been sober from alcohol 3.5 years but the opiates only about 9 months and I'm just really freaked out because I don't want to be in pain, exhausted, depressed and overwhelmed. We just found out my fiancée won't be able to take any time off to help so I will be alone at home with baby just like you and up all night since I am choosing to breastfeed my son. I'm excited he will be my first baby but I already suffer from horrible depression and anxiety and I just know I'm in for a real tough time... I feel for you. I don't mean to make it all about ME but just so you know, you aren't alone. I don't know why our society doesn't talk about how hard motherhood really is for some of us... It's a dirty secret or something. Women have it tough. I am still expected to pay half the bills and provide for the baby but also be his primary caregiver 24/7 and still manage to be a good fiancée and all that other stuff for the people already in my life... Plus school and my mental health / sobriety which I don't know how or when I will be able to do meetings and the step work. I want to cry for us both! It's such a joyful amazing thing but I refuse to lie and say I'm not just SO FREAKING OVERWHELMED!!!! Maybe we can help each other? Message me. I will help support you. It's the only thing that really makes sense. We are in the same spot so I want to help support you and other sober moms. If I do this alone I think I'm doomed.

Hugs

Dee74

Babs do you know about the Moms group we have here?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-4-a-4.html

D