pepperfaver

I am stuck on the Let Go, Let God part. (As well as One Day at a Time)

My son received his second DUI in December. He has been in a wonderful Christian rehab for almost 8 months and they even hired him as a counselor. Sounds good, but I still worry. He cannot stay there forever of course.

I worry that he will never find a job. Even though he has a college degree, the first DUI kept him from finding employment (he was upfront in interviews)- - thus leading to further depression and drinking and the second DUI soon after.
Thank God he did not hurt anyone and is now sober.

However, the consequences of two DUIs are long-lasting and far reaching.

Does anyone out there have any hopeful stories of finding gainful employment after receiving DUIs? (Aside from Dick Cheney!) Just wondering . . .

Thanks to all of you!

HopefulmomtoD

My son has had one and he got a job in retail. So, probably easier to get than the jobs you want with a college degree. Do a search- I remember a thread about this in the alcoholic forum.

I think two is going to make it harder than one- but its doable.

Lifewillgetbet

I didn't get a DUI however my license was suspended for 2 years because I had a seizure from alcohol withdrawal. So they revoked my license. I get it back soon however I spent the past 1.8 years working in SALES (major travel involved) unable to drive.
My company pays for transportation while I am at work, however I pay to and from work. I take a bus sometimes for $3 or if I am lazy I take a $70 taxi. You son is employable, especially with a degree.
What is the problem with your son having the DUI's? Is it that he can not afford the insurance to drive? or is it because he has a criminal record?

pepperfaver

Seems like a lot of jobs out there do background checks and DUIs are a big red flag. (Yes, the insurance is a lot, but he should be able to scrape it together if he lives at home and uses money he has saved.)

Thanks for giving me some good news although it sounds as if you were a good employee and had a good record - - in other words, they wanted to keep you and were willing to help you out!

CodeNameGiggles

The best chance at a job for your son, in my experience (though I'm not the alcoholic), would be networking. My husband was able to get a job after he was fired from his (no DUI, but he did something that was a career no no and was fired) by networking with like careered people at his AA meetings/outpatient recovery. His sponsor, in the same field, helped him look for a job, and the person who ended up hiring him had similar issues in his past that allowed him to give my husband a chance.

Florence

A couple of thoughts sprang to mind:

1) This really isn't your concern. I'm assuming your son is an adult, grown man who should be making adult decisions about his life without your approval or input.

This is a fine example of "future tripping."

2) This -- "the first DUI kept him from finding employment (he was upfront in interviews)- - thus leading to further depression and drinking and the second DUI soon after" -- sounds like an alcoholic just-so story. I don't think any one of these things logically follow the other, because alcoholics drink, and when they drink they suffer negative consequences.

It's our job to get out of the way and LET them have the dignity of their decisions, good or bad. If he can never, ever find a job because he had two DUIs, that's a consequence of his addiction. C'est la vie. It will neither make him drink or not make him drink.

dandylion

From what I have seen, a person who has something "bad" that is going to be seen on a background check has a much better chance with a locally owned company than one with a corporate office at a national level.

dandylion

pepperfaver

I don't think any one of these things logically follow the other, because alcoholics drink, and when they drink they suffer negative consequences.

It's our job to get out of the way and LET them have the dignity of their decisions, good or bad. If he can never, ever find a job because he had two DUIs, that's a consequence of his addiction. C'est la vie. It will neither make him drink or not make him drink.[/QUOTE]

Understood about the dignity part - - and I am struggling with all of this myself in the "letting go" department. True.

But I have, in fact, seen a correlation between depression and alcohol abuse - - at least among the population where I work (I work with young adults). While I am not sure about the physiological nature of the disease, there seems to be a connection between depression and abuse. It seemed that way with my son too.

LexieCat

Agree with all the above. Your worrying isn't helping him (or your), and your "helping" isn't helping him (or you).

And yes, I call BS on any alcoholic who blames his or her continued drinking on the unfortunate (but natural) consequences of previous drinking. I'm a a recovered alcoholic, myself, and trust me, it doesn't work like that. An alcoholic will drink because the day of the week ends in "y".

If he want to recover, nothing will stand in his way. I was just talking with someone I know who is just getting ready to get her license back after a very lengthy suspension. She has been sober now over 13 years.

pepperfaver

Thanks for the honesty. I am the one who is rationalizing - - I have no idea how he is processing the consequences of his choices. I have not seen him in 8 months, which is a good thing (for both of us). (We talk on the phone a few times a month.)

Florence

It's hard. This is not easy stuff.

Remember your son is in early recovery but has committed himself to recovery enough so that he is given a leadership position with other addicts. That's a good thing, and it shows he is capable of good work.

pepperfaver

Thanks and I clearly need to get myself to an Ala non meeting - - went to them originally for a while, but I am really losing it (perhaps because he has survived the immediate crisis point, so now I am returning to bad habits and states of mind - - )
Peace!