Maui78

It's been a while since my RGF has spent time with the people she used to use with. Months ago she promised she would talk to them (2 people in particular) about cutting off contact because it was a threat to her recovery. She hasn't seen one of them at all, but has seen the other occasionally. And she texts and talks on the phone with them frequently. I have given her ample time to say goodbye to them. They are both in full blown addiction, and do not even talk of getting clean.

Is it time to give an ultimatum or just let it be and walk away. I know I can't make her do anything, and ultimatums rarely, if ever work.

Anyone who has had an addict partner, family member, etc who has/had a hard time letting go of the people places and things....what did you do? What did it take for your addict to finally cut the ties?

Ann

In the end, Tangerine, it's up to us to decide what we can live with and what we cannot. We have no right to tell anyone who they can talk to or how they should live their lives, it doesn't work anyway because we simply to not have the power to make anyone do anything they don't want to do.

So we sent boundaries of what is acceptable in our lives and what is not. And we decide how we will handle it of something unacceptable comes into our life.

For example, telling her to stop talking to her friends is futile, and who knows, maybe one that is using will see how well her life is going today and decide to become sober.

But you can decide that if her behaviour indicates that she is heading back to using, you will move on and find a better way to live. You can decide that if she continues to associate with known active drug users, that you will find your own space someplace else and have nothing to do with her or them.

Or, you can decide to stop worrying about what she is doing and who she associates with and focus on your own life and let the chips fall where they may.

With my son, I could not have him live at home because it always led to a relapse and I no longer wanted to have a front row seat to the drama.

You can't control her, but you can decide how YOU want to live your life...then set about to live it well.

Hugs

Maui78

Thank you Ann. I of course didn't mention that she has used both times she saw them. I told her today if she continues to associate with them, continues to use even occasionally, that I will have to end the relationship. Each time just shatters the trust that has begun to be rebuilt. I'm tired of the lies. My heart hurts. But i will be okay. SR rocks.