Dustyboots

I'm nine days clean today and the last couple days I have been in some uncomfortable situations involving drinking. Saturday night was bad. I went to a friends 30th birthday at an upscale restaurant. I tried to mentally Prepare but I thought it was just an intimate dinner and when I showed up turns out it was like 20 people I didn't know and I ended up on the opposite side of a long table from my one friend. I was the only one not drinking. I ordered and while everyone made small talk I awkwardly fiddled with my phone and drank mineral water. I am not usually so good in social situations without alcohol. My food came and I didn't like it but the last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself by sending it back so I just sat there, which was worse because I was the only one not eating. Long story short, I excused myself, had a huge panic attack, found the waitress, started crying and had her box my stuff up and I bolted without saying goodbye. It was so overwhelming at the time although it sounds really petty. I guess those kind of social situations aren't something I'm ready for right now. Fast forward to yesterday and my friends fiancée just broke up with him. He is for sure an alcoholic in active addiction but he was saying things like "I don't wanna wake up tomorrow" so I offered to come hang out and play guitar with him to keep an eye on him. He was hammered. My other friend was buzzed and then a third friend showed and was drinking too. This time it was ok. I had no urge to drink at all. I could smell the booze on people's breath and it was gross. I was so happy to be sober. I kinda felt like although it was a risky situation it was good for me because I'm "flexing my sober muscles" in a sense by practicing being in situations with drinking where I am sober. I know in the program they often say to delete your contacts. It's not so simple when your contacts are only drinkers since its a socially acceptable drug. I have some sober friends who go to shows at bars and can be around drinkers with no problem and I want to get to that appoint eventually. For those of you who have been sober a while, how long till you could go see a band or something in a bar and not feel weird?

Nuudawn

More with a little longevity in sobriety should be along soon, I guess I am fortunate to have both drinking and non to very little drinking friends. I have found with the "drinkers" I try to avoid social time with them where their intention is to get a buzz on/drunk. I meet them for lunch for instance. I did go to a bar once for a saturday night with a friend...it was okay at first (their was karaoke to watch) ..but it got boring/annoying soon. I'm not dumping my drinker friends...but I do watch what types of activities I do with them...and if its something like a birthday dinner as you went to..I would go..bring my gift, eat some food..and likely go as it wouldn't be that much fun to try and relate with folks drinking..just different wave length. I'm not of the mind that I "cannot" go to bars..thing is I don't much want to. I'm glad I feel the emotional freedom that I can..but why bother. In all honesty, I realize that one of the reasons I got so hammered in the situations like bars, or parties where people want to sit around talking and drinking is cuz I wasn't so comfortable. I'm more of a one on one..small intimate group person.

But I do want to say...good on ya for feeling strong about your sobriety in those situations. I would just think long and hard about how much you truly "enjoy" them..that's the most important part.

doggonecarl

I have been to three "alcohol-dominant" events, as I call them, since getting sober in September of 2010. At a couple months sober I went to bar with my wife to see her son's band play. It was difficult. Real difficult.

At 10 months I went that same son's wedding and reception. That was hard too. Lot of issues with the ex-husband and his side of the family, and it was hard on my wife. I didn't even want to go. But I did, and I wanted to drink, but didn't. Thank goodness.

And at two and half years I went to my first sober concert. For that, I was ready. No issues, which was a surprise, as concerts were huge drunken blowouts for me.

So, you will feel more comfortable in those situations, but don't put yourself in them if you can avoid it...especially early in your sobriety.

Bruce292

That sounds like a real tough situation. However, I commend you for doing something so brave after being sober for nine days. I hardly left the house, except for work, for almost three weeks. I just couldn't deal with people. Over time I got used to my new sober skin and I could deal with people. I have a bunch of friends who still drink/use. However, I've noticed a distinction. There are those who care about me and, even while using, encourage me to be well. There are others who keep telling me I'm wasting my time. I've been avoiding the second group because I don't think they're really my friends.

Be kind to yourself. You were in a very difficult social situation after nine days sober but you didn't drink. Your self preservation instincts kicked in and you got away unscathed. Personally, I don't think many of us would have done as well.

It's a new day. It's going to be OK.

Nighthawk8820

It wasnt a waste though, you learned through that process and you didnt use. It is so awkward at first, because we are so used to using the booze as a social lubricant. The longer you stay on the right path in recovery, the more your confidence will build, and you will really start to trust yourself and what you have to offer in those types of social situations. I shock myself now at how at ease I am and how freely I can speak my mind and be true to myself. I wanted my whole life to feel like I do lately, but lord knows it took a while to get here. Stick with it, you will be pleasantly surprised. My first time out, I flopped in my mind. I was awkward and not comfortable at all. Its a process though, so try again when you feel mentally strong and ready.

MIRecovery

@ 3month had a major panic attack
@ 1year uncomfotable but OK
@ 3 years OK

I still avoid heavy alcohol evens but. will go if I want to be there