advice help on this one please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: united kingdom
Posts: 201
advice help on this one please
ok so the other day i managed to get through with out drinking after a long struggle, see my other posts,
i was feeling better, but then life hits,
ive moved house recently, same town, just got a council house, one of the neighbours, next door but one, obviously doest want me/my family to have got this house,
next door but one is a mum dad 3 kids, theyve done anything they can to cause us problems, the kids swear at my kids, so we ignored them, that gave mum the hump, caused a little tension, odd word etc, in the end mum said i wish you had told me, so next, their son fights my son, their son is older, i go round calmy explain, thats it they go funny, delete my wifes facebook, phone the council, phone the police, shout at my son, stop talking to our imideate neighbour as she still talks to us, next the dad shouts violantly and aggressivly and very loud at my 9 year old daughter in her face, literally face to face, i saw it as i heard and ran out, i told him to f off, he backed off shouted again, i again told him to f off , the mum came out and shouted, i told her to f off too, they went.
later same day, he shouted again at me, me him, my wife and his wife, all had a big argument. he then picked up a spade threatened to hit me with it,
(anyone who knows me, knows i wont back down)
eventually he threw his spade down ran in his house crying, ()this is a 33 year old man) my wife called the police, they had a word with him.
bearing in mind through all this im as dry alcoholic, who has a history of violant fighting behaviour when drunk, and wont back down, and always retaliates, seeks revenge, you can guess how i was feeling by now.
i wanted to smash him his car his house, you name it i wanted to really hurt him, really do bad things.
now they are still causing trouble really sly to council police benifit people, etc, just phoneing up trying to get me my wife and my neighbour in any trouble or cause as much hassle as they can
i know for a fact she phoned the council after we were offered this house but before we got the key, to try mess it up for us, also every time me or my neighbour apply to council to do anything, the council ask her, she rejects it, the council wont let us do it on her say so,
i am angry is a understatement, i dont know what to do
what i do usually is, go round and get aggressive and violant, it does keep the (involved party away) but it also leads to me getting arrested and took to court
im finding it very hard to ignore these scum bags, and wait for them to get sick of it.
yet they have said to others they want to move, so theyre obviously not happy, obviously got issues, and not right in the head
what do i do
i want revenge
thats the wrong answer
i was feeling better, but then life hits,
ive moved house recently, same town, just got a council house, one of the neighbours, next door but one, obviously doest want me/my family to have got this house,
next door but one is a mum dad 3 kids, theyve done anything they can to cause us problems, the kids swear at my kids, so we ignored them, that gave mum the hump, caused a little tension, odd word etc, in the end mum said i wish you had told me, so next, their son fights my son, their son is older, i go round calmy explain, thats it they go funny, delete my wifes facebook, phone the council, phone the police, shout at my son, stop talking to our imideate neighbour as she still talks to us, next the dad shouts violantly and aggressivly and very loud at my 9 year old daughter in her face, literally face to face, i saw it as i heard and ran out, i told him to f off, he backed off shouted again, i again told him to f off , the mum came out and shouted, i told her to f off too, they went.
later same day, he shouted again at me, me him, my wife and his wife, all had a big argument. he then picked up a spade threatened to hit me with it,
(anyone who knows me, knows i wont back down)
eventually he threw his spade down ran in his house crying, ()this is a 33 year old man) my wife called the police, they had a word with him.
bearing in mind through all this im as dry alcoholic, who has a history of violant fighting behaviour when drunk, and wont back down, and always retaliates, seeks revenge, you can guess how i was feeling by now.
i wanted to smash him his car his house, you name it i wanted to really hurt him, really do bad things.
now they are still causing trouble really sly to council police benifit people, etc, just phoneing up trying to get me my wife and my neighbour in any trouble or cause as much hassle as they can
i know for a fact she phoned the council after we were offered this house but before we got the key, to try mess it up for us, also every time me or my neighbour apply to council to do anything, the council ask her, she rejects it, the council wont let us do it on her say so,
i am angry is a understatement, i dont know what to do
what i do usually is, go round and get aggressive and violant, it does keep the (involved party away) but it also leads to me getting arrested and took to court
im finding it very hard to ignore these scum bags, and wait for them to get sick of it.
yet they have said to others they want to move, so theyre obviously not happy, obviously got issues, and not right in the head
what do i do
i want revenge
thats the wrong answer
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Hi teardrop
I'm not in the UK - are there any avenues for complaint or conflict resolution with the council?
seems like it's either that, move, or have this escalate and find yourself in trouble.
Option #3 is no option, I'm presuming #2 isn't either, so I'd be trying to sit down and sort this.
D
I'm not in the UK - are there any avenues for complaint or conflict resolution with the council?
seems like it's either that, move, or have this escalate and find yourself in trouble.
Option #3 is no option, I'm presuming #2 isn't either, so I'd be trying to sit down and sort this.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
I can relate with the feelings part of the issue. As far as right or wrong and possible options of resolution, I have no advice on that matter.
As far as wanting to retaliate or drink goes, though, I've been through that. Someone hits on my gf, blatantly right in front of me, I get that fight reaction. Someone walks by my car and kicks the bumper, hits the hood, I want to teach him to respect me. Someone tells me to f off, get out of their personal space and leave them the hell alone, when all I am doing is saying hello, I want to put them in their place. But I do not. And it's not gracefully most of the time. I have gone to others and used them as a verbal punching bag, of sorts, in regards to the incident, I have used punching bags, trees, my glovebox, even a telephone pole once, just so that I didn't end up in another fight.
I've found through the experiences above that there is a saner, healthier way to do it. At first my impression was that it was an immature, stupid thing to do. Therapists tell you to do it, you don't do it on your own unless you're a sissy. Well, I was wrong. Write about it. Put down on paper exactly what is running through your mind, exactly what you would do to the person or people if there were no consequences and no one else in the world. It really helps release the power of wanting to actually do it. It can also help with self appraisal, taking honest stock of what is being felt and why, as well as enabling you to be more aware of it happening in the future and enabling you to do something about it before it happens.
It works for me, atleast,
As far as wanting to retaliate or drink goes, though, I've been through that. Someone hits on my gf, blatantly right in front of me, I get that fight reaction. Someone walks by my car and kicks the bumper, hits the hood, I want to teach him to respect me. Someone tells me to f off, get out of their personal space and leave them the hell alone, when all I am doing is saying hello, I want to put them in their place. But I do not. And it's not gracefully most of the time. I have gone to others and used them as a verbal punching bag, of sorts, in regards to the incident, I have used punching bags, trees, my glovebox, even a telephone pole once, just so that I didn't end up in another fight.
I've found through the experiences above that there is a saner, healthier way to do it. At first my impression was that it was an immature, stupid thing to do. Therapists tell you to do it, you don't do it on your own unless you're a sissy. Well, I was wrong. Write about it. Put down on paper exactly what is running through your mind, exactly what you would do to the person or people if there were no consequences and no one else in the world. It really helps release the power of wanting to actually do it. It can also help with self appraisal, taking honest stock of what is being felt and why, as well as enabling you to be more aware of it happening in the future and enabling you to do something about it before it happens.
It works for me, atleast,
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Hi teardrop,
I'm in the UK and when my brother and I were living at home with our mum on a council estate, we had similar problems. Neighbours were always trying to get us evicted. When a guy was murdered in our building, people tried to implicate my brother in it. The local thugs used to beat up my brother and put him in hospital once. They used to shout at my mum and I in the street.
We sorted it by doing what your wife did and what Dee has suggested. We phoned the police and the council to tell them what was going on and to get action taken. Yes, we had to phone them more than once but we knew that if we persisted and went the right route instead of seeking revenge that we'd get justice.
We've now been vindicated - my mum still has her flat and my brother and I have full lives of our own away from the estate. As for the thugs and troublemakers - most of them are in and out of prison like it's Morrison's.
Whatever you decide to do, don't drink over this. Do you really want these kind of people to be the reason you drink? No one can make you drink. Don't let your addiction tell you otherwise.
I'm in the UK and when my brother and I were living at home with our mum on a council estate, we had similar problems. Neighbours were always trying to get us evicted. When a guy was murdered in our building, people tried to implicate my brother in it. The local thugs used to beat up my brother and put him in hospital once. They used to shout at my mum and I in the street.
We sorted it by doing what your wife did and what Dee has suggested. We phoned the police and the council to tell them what was going on and to get action taken. Yes, we had to phone them more than once but we knew that if we persisted and went the right route instead of seeking revenge that we'd get justice.
We've now been vindicated - my mum still has her flat and my brother and I have full lives of our own away from the estate. As for the thugs and troublemakers - most of them are in and out of prison like it's Morrison's.
Whatever you decide to do, don't drink over this. Do you really want these kind of people to be the reason you drink? No one can make you drink. Don't let your addiction tell you otherwise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: united kingdom
Posts: 201
hi i dont want to drink over it, i dont feel like that at the moment, i just want to smash both their faces in.
but i know that then they would have one big one over on me if i did, they would definatley win, im jusy sick of them intimidating me, trying to provoke me.
see as well as trying not to drink, im trying not to loose my temper, or i may as well drink because ill end up in the same place
prison
but i know that then they would have one big one over on me if i did, they would definatley win, im jusy sick of them intimidating me, trying to provoke me.
see as well as trying not to drink, im trying not to loose my temper, or i may as well drink because ill end up in the same place
prison
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
You're right, losing your temper and retaliating will make you end up in prison. You know they're just waiting for any excuse to call the police on you. Don't give them the satisfaction. The best revenge is to live well and let them see you living well. Spend plenty of time together as a family and let them see that you are a strong, united family unit. Work hard to buy the things that you want for your family, things that these people are too busy troublemaking to earn for themselves.
As you say, you're a dry alcoholic with a history of violent behaviour. What actions can you take to learn how to control your temper? Anger management courses? Counselling? It doesn't have to cost anything - go to your GP and ask them to refer you to someone for free on the NHS.
The bottom line is, don't let these people live in your head - rent's gone up.
As you say, you're a dry alcoholic with a history of violent behaviour. What actions can you take to learn how to control your temper? Anger management courses? Counselling? It doesn't have to cost anything - go to your GP and ask them to refer you to someone for free on the NHS.
The bottom line is, don't let these people live in your head - rent's gone up.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: York, North Yorkshire
Posts: 12
Hi teardrop
I'm uk too, did you know this particular family before you moved near them?
Are they in council housing/private rent? If so I would keep a diary of all incidents with dates and times and if things escalate you can then put in a complaint to the council or to their landlord about their behaviour.
Like Louise mentioned maybe counselling or anger management might help, people like that are not worth getting yourself into trouble over.
Hope that things settle down for you.
I'm uk too, did you know this particular family before you moved near them?
Are they in council housing/private rent? If so I would keep a diary of all incidents with dates and times and if things escalate you can then put in a complaint to the council or to their landlord about their behaviour.
Like Louise mentioned maybe counselling or anger management might help, people like that are not worth getting yourself into trouble over.
Hope that things settle down for you.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I also agree can you get a referral for some anger management. I know for me I'm trying to learn new ways of dealing with my emotions-anger,resentment,envy,fear,anxiety since getting sober. Getting sober was just the first step-I now realize Ive got to do this other stuff too.
There is nothing you can do about what yourneighbours say or do. the only thing you can control is your reaction. Report all incidents to the police and council,keep a log as seraphine suggested. Violence solves nothing but casues more trouble and your kids will grow up thinking that's normal behaviour. If you lose your temper and hit out your neighbours will love it, you 'll go to prison leaving your wife and children to deal with them alone and maybe even get evicted.
Maybe they're scared of you.Is it possibe to keep your distance from them/ignore them when you see them? Learning to control your temper and deal with your feelings in ahealthy way will help you
There is nothing you can do about what yourneighbours say or do. the only thing you can control is your reaction. Report all incidents to the police and council,keep a log as seraphine suggested. Violence solves nothing but casues more trouble and your kids will grow up thinking that's normal behaviour. If you lose your temper and hit out your neighbours will love it, you 'll go to prison leaving your wife and children to deal with them alone and maybe even get evicted.
Maybe they're scared of you.Is it possibe to keep your distance from them/ignore them when you see them? Learning to control your temper and deal with your feelings in ahealthy way will help you
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