glitz

I've been dating someone for about a month now... her ex-boyfriend has started calling her, threatening to hurt her (and me), and she's totally distraught about it.

The thing is, he's far away, and I tell her to take the phone off the hook, or come to my house, not to engage with it, but instead she still takes his calls and she'll ring hysterical saying she's just spent two hours on the phone to him.

For me, this is just like the stuff my mom used to do with her husbands - and I really don't want to be around this as an adult. On the other hand, I feel like I should be more supportive to her... I mean, she's not stupid, she must see that engaging with this stuff is crazy... but when I ask her about it, she's says, a. she feels guilty, b. she's scared, c. after all he was her boyfriend and she still worries about him.

Any one had similar experiences, what do you do to be supportive without buying into the drama?

Debbie

Hi Glitz

Has she experienced abuse from him before or abuse from others? Perhaps she really is frightened. I don't know but I would believe harrassing/threatening phone calls are a crime. Report them to the police and the phone company, perhaps that will ease her mind a bit.

Just a suggestion. I hope things work out.

Take care.
Debbie

JT

I find it interesting that we seem to end up with people like our parents, like there really is some unfinished business that we have to repair.

The only experience I have here is watching my son and his ex. She moved on but she never completely let go of him. She always took his calls, talking all night sometimes. She would sit in a car with him all night when he had no where to sleep. But all along she was dating someone else. I am not saying anything bad about her...she was his best friend. I can't help but wonder if I would want to share someone in that way.

Only you can know that,
JT