guest123

So my boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now. When we first met, he told me that he used to have a drug problem, but now he was completely sober. About 2 months ago I found out that he lied to me. He was basically on percocets and xanax during most of our relationship. He told me he was scared to tell me back then because I wouldn't want to be with him and later on as he fell in love with me he was scared to tell me because he thought he would lose me. I was very hurt by all of this and my first instinct was I have to leave him, but then when he got out of detox and I saw him, I immediately knew that I had to stay by his side through all of this. I love him and I could see how badly he wanted to get over this addiction. He told me that he was leaving to rehab for 3 months. It's been almost 2 months and he's doing great there. We don't get to speak on the phone a lot, but he constantly writes me letters. He told me that he never thought a place like that would be for him, but he said that it is exactly where he needs to be and it really has a lot to offer. He's staying positive and even became a leader there. He joined a program to quit smoking, has been participating a lot in group discussions, and said that his counselor says he's made excellent progress. He promised me that things will change once he gets back and he'll never keep anything like that from me ever again. I want to believe that, but I'm scared. I've been doing a lot of research and talking to different people and they all have been warning me that addicts have a very high chance of relapsing. Has anyone been in this situation? What do I do? He really does treat me like a princess and I could see how much he wants to get better and how hard he's trying. Is it really possible that he'll stay clean? It seems like he's been away forever and I hate not being able to talk to him about everything that's bothering me.

Dee74

Welcome guest123

recovery can happen - there are many many of us here after all

I think it's very common to feel a little apprehensive - but from all you've said your bf seems to be giving it his all, and it sounds encouraging.

The proof will be when he gets out tho, and not before, and that's probably why people maybe cautioning you to keep your expectations at a realistic level for now?

you'll find a lot of support and understanding here and in our family and friends forums - and a lot of experience too

I wish you the best

D

guest123

Thanks, that actually made me feel better my biggest fear is that everything will be great for years and then god forbid like 10 years from now he'll relapse. What do I do then? Should I continue to be by his side?

allforcnm

Hi Guest. I can share from my experience. My husband now has 15 months clean from prescription pain meds, Xanax, and cocaine use. He also went into rehab and stayed for 3 months. After he came home, he started working with a therapist on a regular basis, and he continues to do great.

So yes people do recover !

Unfortunately, people also relapse back to addiction, and sometimes I believe relapse is just part of the process of recovery. Sometimes it also takes multiple treatments because addiction is complex.

There are some threads over on the Family Forum for Substance Abuse that you might find helpful. They are in the sticky section and have lots of info from sources such as the National Institute of Drug Abuse. Links are on the threads.. There are also some you tube clips from a movie called Pleasure Unwoven on here also, these help explain addiction too.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-nida.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rug-abuse.html


Basically, only time will tell how he handles recovery once he leaves rehab. But it sounds like he is very lucky to have a supportive girlfriend, and its also great you are here to learn & prepare yourself for once he comes home.

Dee74

I think that's an unanswerable question, guest.

If your bf commits himself to recovery and keeps working at it, it's a question you'll never have to answer.

i'm an alcoholic. I have over 6 years recovery - I love my life the way it is now and I love my partner. I love the man I've become.

I believe my partner trusts completely in me - I certainly trust her

If I was to start thinking about drinking again I know what to do and who to turn to.

There's no reason why your bf can't turn out like me, if he wants to be.

If he doesn't... thats something you'll need to think about and address then I guess....

but worrying about ten years from now is kinda like worrying about asteroids crashing into the earth really, isn't it?

D

guest123

Wow, that's great! Good job! You're right, I shouldn't worry about that right now. It definitely is great to hear though that people are actually capable of recovering.

least

Just take things one day at a time for now. Try not to worry about the future. I hope things turn out well for you and your bf.

Lightning Bug

I have been clean from Xanax and Oxycodone for 18 months. I have no desire to pick that nastiness up again - or to try any other drugs.

He can recover if he works at it.
If you stay with him, you are standing at his side while he begins his journey. You will be giving him strength and hope - working hard to keep you will motivate him. He is more than just a "drug addict" - he is the man you fell for and love. Love him for all that he is - recovery and all - because you both deserve the happiness that will bloom.

cementhead

Your support will be the biggest way of keeping him clean! Make sure you keep telling him to tell you if he needs to talk to someone. I didn't talk to anybody about my anxiety, kept it to myself and relapsed. You are going to be his biggest tool to keep clean, as long as he knows you are there for him every second of every day! He made a huge step in going into a program. Admitting it is hard, but the work is just starting. It will be a hard road for the rest of his life. You hang in there, wait for him, and you will see the man he is underneath all that crap he had inside himself. He'll love you even more for hanging with him!!!