Tryn2understand

I am not an alcoholic or an addict. My fiancé is a recovering addict. We have been together for 6 months. he is almost 17 months sober. We are getting married in 2 months and a baby due in January. I guess I'm just here to see if I can get any help being more supportive to him. He goes to AA meetings regularly. He has been going to them the whole time we've been together. I say we are pretty close. But as he has said to me before " that part of his life" doesn't have anything to do with me. He doesn't like telling me what goes on at the meetings and we don't have many conversations about his sobriety. I try to understand and just be supportive. But I can't help but think that this is such a big part of his life for me to just be left out of??? Is there anyone that can help me? I want to be supportive!! More than anything. Can anyone give me tips??

LexieCat

He doesn't necessarily NEED your support on this. If he's 17 months sober, and really involved in AA, then he probably gets all the support he needs for his alcoholism right there.

If you are curious about meetings, try going to some open meetings on your own--not the ones he attends. It might give you a better understanding about what AA is all about.

Maybe he's afraid that you will judge him if he shares too much with you about "that part of his life." Maybe he's afraid you won't like the people he hangs with--some very solidly sober good AA members are a little rough around the edges. Couldn't say what his issue is. But I do think anyone contemplating marrying an alcoholic in recovery would be well-advised to educate themselves thoroughly about the disease. Relapse is always a possibility, even with years and years of sobriety.

Oh, and welcome! Incidentally, I've been married to two alcoholics and am almost five years sober, myself.

Tryn2understand

Thank u for the advice. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get more educated on the disease??

OnawaMiniya

I can understand feeling upset that you feel left out of what is a huge thing in his life. Personally I would feel like, if I'm going to be married to him and the mother of his child, i would not feel comfortable with feeling like I'm "in the dark" about something important like that.

Lexie has some good suggestions of possibilities as to why he may feel uncomfortable or reluctant to be more transparent or open about it. There are endless possibilities as to why he may not feel he can be open about it.

It's hard to try to be supportive and understanding when you feel completely uninformed and like you don't understand.

I've never been to meetings, I'm sure others can tell you more about that and what it helped them to gain.

But reading and posting here is a great thing to do. I highly recommend continuing to come here. I started s thread on trying to understand the "other side" from the point of view of the alcoholic. While the personal stories people were kind enough to share might be helpful to you as well, I think it would be a good read to look over because of other suggestions given to me by members here as far as things to read over - things from this site as well as other recommendations. The thread is here if you are interested:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...want-stop.html

Welcome to SR

LexieCat

A very good book that explains alcoholism is "Under the Influence." Another VERY excellent read is the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Here is a link to the online version.