Thank you for the support

Old 07-21-2013, 03:23 PM
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Thank you for the support

Have been going through a really rough time...what I call gridlock...too many problems, too little support...but got on this site in February when the straw that broke the camel's back (again) caused a relapse for codependency and flashbacks to old traumatic memories and confusion and lack of clarity.

I so appreciate the ESH I have received...and have made some first steps to walk out of the hole...using a ladder including rungs placed by many of you on this site. I realize I can never go that far down again...and that the addicts in my life...parents, siblings, husband and children...have been my DOC.

I am feeling so much healthier with a job, earning my own money and not ever going to share any of that money again with the AH...he used it all up and it was a lot...and never ever contributed to it...and I let him and enabled him and begged him to change and detached and then watched all of our children drink and do drugs...and continue...and I finally hit the sick and tired point where I don't want anymore.

Have gone nc with family of origin, and after fully grieving long gone AM who hasn't called more than once or said anything but angry, blaming things for 13 years and been completely unavailable...so the last step was actually pretty easy when I realized that I was already there...just needed to accept it...which I was holding off on and being eaten alive...am so much happier and full of energy.

Am now working on relationship with AH...I had fooled myself into saying...fix need to 'fix' relationship with AM and then--deeper work on myself actually and just setting boundaries for him. Being away from him has been good, although I am staying with friends of his...from soccer and Chile...like him, but love the wife.

Looking for an apartment and will do more this week...I have been back for 4 weeks and have a job, a car, and a safe place to stay...and the friends have been very supportive. He is lonely and needy, but I simply don't care...I am tired of being needed...and don't intend to go there again with those I know...so will let my HP tell me what to do...and the order.

My H AD has been heard from through her boyfriend (yes...he is an addict too and a manipulator) but first word in three months, so relieved to know she is alive...and since she ultimately decided to live in the streets rather than be verbally abused by her older ex crystal meth sister (spent everything on her and allowing her to live at home and get great treatment with her twin daughters...lesson learned...she is a nasty selfish creature although she doesn't use crystal anymore...just drinks.

I have gone to look for her a couple of times, but have no expectations and will do it as I can and have the strength. Working my program first.

Happy and healthy for the first time in so long. Want to just savor and keep on going.
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