Meliajo

Hello Everyone, I am new to this site and I have registered because I am in need of help for sobriety. I am 21 years old and I have been addicted to Vicoprofen for almost 2 years. Ever since I was about 18, I have had many many problems with endometriosis, ovarian cysts, scar tissue and adhesions. I would have very bad menstrual months where the pain was unbearable and ovarian cysts that would rupture at any given moment. Not knowing how to deal with these problems, I confided in my new gyno where I was prescribed hydrocodone. For the first time, I didn't feel the pain of cramps, endometriosis, and rupturing cysts. Any slight pain, I would take a pill. I had a surgery done to remove endometriosis and some adhesions. Before this surgery, I was getting 30 pills about every 2 weeks. Even on good days where I was not having any pain, I would be taking pills. The pills helped me deal with my job, family, difficult relationship and the depression I was trying to hide. It made me happy and a joy to be around. After the surgery, I still had some problems, but they weren't as bad as they used to be, yet I was still finding excuses to refill my prescription. I dread a return phone call back from the Dr. office because I knew I would have to explain the same story I had just told about two weeks ago. This went on for about a year. My Dr was very concerned for my pain and wanted to transfer me to a pain management clinic. Which would probably be the ideal thing, but there was one problem. My sister worked as a surgery scheduler and pain management appointment scheduler at the clinic I was being referred too. She couldn't know what I was going through. No one could. I declined and said I didn't have the money for all the copays. They understood but I'm now having a hard time refilling.

My friends, family and my boyfriend have no idea about my problem. They can't know. They will not only be heartbroken but they will look at my differently for the rest of my life. I need to be the person they used to know, like I used to be and I do not want them to know I have screwed up my life this way. Withdrawals will have to be faked as the flu which I know are coming in about 48 hours. I love my family but to burden them with this, would break them.

I hate that I have let my life come to this. I need a pill to function through the day, make me happier, forget about all my problems and help me socialize with people I don't even like.

I have chosen to not call for a refill anymore. I refuse to let this run my life forever and let this pill make me happy for the rest of my life. Right now, I would be calling in for a refill because I have three pills left that can last me one day, which is tomorrow. But I won't do it. I will not call. I need support and going to my family about my problem would not only devastate them, but they would never know whether I have taken a pill that morning or if I had been clean for a week. Yes, I need these for my medical problems. Can I get by without the pills with my medical problems? Most likely. I need too. I don't want to be in a fun situation and have to take a pill to feel happy.
I want to be able to lay with my boyfriend on the couch and not have to take a pill to laugh with them.

I am asking for support and advice from anyone who has been in this situation. I'm looking for guidance that I cannot find at home.

I am also looking to be sober. And maybe one day offer guidance to someone in my position. I am in love with life. I don't want to be in love with life because I feel good from the high of a Vicodin..

Thank you for hearing out my story. I have a long road ahead with bumps, forks in the road and the urge to refill in the future.

Thank you,

Meliajo

Dee74

Hi and welcome Meliajo

I have no experience with that medication myself but I know you'll find support and encouragement here

D

WhiteFeathers

Welcome to SR!

Your post is screaming out in shame over the fact that you find yourself addicted to pills and don't want to let your family know. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed about! Pain pills are highly addictive and you were taking them for legitimate pain. Please be easy on yourself.

Endometriosis and ovarian cysts are very painful. I had a ruptured cyst that continued to hurt for a couple months. My doc never prescribed pain pills so I just loaded up on wine and advil. Come to think of it, that time period was when I think I really started my physical addiction to alcohol.

What do you think would happen if you confided in your family that you are having a problem with your pain medication?

least

to SR! This is a very supportive place to be. I don't know about those pills (I was a wino) but someone will come along with knowledge of what you're going thru. I hope we can help you stay clean and sober.

BabyJane

You seem very introspective and wise for someone so young. I believe you can get off these pills. I was an opiate addict too. It made me feel the same way in the beginning. Then it turned on me hard core! Kicking opiates is hard but not impossible. Glad you came here for support. How are you feeling today?

Anna

Welcome, and I'm so glad you have made the choice to give up the drugs.

We will be here to help and encourage you to get through the days, but know for sure that you can do this.

mygirlchandler

You can do it. I tapered myself off from 3 x a day to 1.5 pills a day to no pills a day. I'm doing great, no WD symptoms, no pain. I didn't exactly tell anyone but DH but there wasn't really anything to tell.

BTW, I have fibromyalgia and the pain that goes with that. The meds never made me have a happy feeling, just able to wear clothes and function at work. We'll see how I do without (this is my 5th day).

Best wishes and lots of love,
HP

Meliajo

I feel like I cannot talk to my family about this problem because I do not want them to think I'm not the daughter they used to know. My mom holds a lot of guilt and a lot of depression through the years and thats not something I feel like I can put on her shoulders that wouldn't completely push her over the edge. I want to get through this and live on like nothing ever happened. I know it may sound selfish that I do not want them to know but it's a burden I do not want to put on them. I feel that I got myself into this, I can get myself out. I have had to take quite a few for my pain and my mom would always say "Mantha, I don't want you taking those that much. You have no idea how those can mess up your life" and each time I say "Mom, I'm fine, really." Which is a straight lie to my moms face

I appreciate the support and the kind words from all of you. This morning, I have officially run out but I refuse to call in for a refill. I am in pain, but its nothing that some Tylenol can't take care of. If the pain worsens and I am to the point where I need a refill, would it be a good idea to maybe give the bottle to my mom to have her dispense them to me when need be?

@MyGirlChandler I should have taken the road of tapering to make it a little bit easier but I didn't really know the concept of it till right now but I don't want to get a refill. If it comes down to being very bad, it may be something to do? Any advice?

I so so so appreciate your kind words of encouragement. It's just the morning time, but here it goes.....

RyanKelly

Hello Meliajo,
Thank you for your wonderful post. I have experience in coming off of this same medication because of an injury I sustained after a seizure caused by alcohol withdrawal. The seizure caused me to fall and break my shoulder. The pain after the surgery was tremendous and lingered for four months. Just like you, I was prescribed the pain medication for a legitimate medical need.

As can happened, I noticed myself getting addicted to the pain medication. I stayed up nights worrying how it was going to be when I no longer asked for prescription refills. I built this idea up in my mind that I was going to withdraw, feel miserable, be filled with anxiety and depression. I speculated that the nights would be filled with restlessness, fright and misery. You know what happened? Nothing.

The idea of my response is this: I had built this idea up in my mind of how horrible things were going to be, how terrible it would be to go on without the pain medication and what a failure I would be without it, when in fact, life was extraordinarily normal without it. I had been my own worst enemy and tormentor....not the pain medication.

Quitting alcohol, and subsequently, the pain medication, have been the most positive experiences of my life. Please don't let yourself get in your own way when it comes to stopping this medication.