So ashamed :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 63
So ashamed :(
I relapsed AGAIN
I was on day 8 and feeling great! I mean on top of the world great! I had a therapy apt the night before and all was well. On Thursday the exterminator came to my house for aunts, so I took the kids down to my dads for the night. On the way down I passed a liquer store and AV started "Hey...you can drop the kids off at your Dads...come back and get some wine and your husband will never know...." So, that's what I did...but the wine was not enough....I had to take three clonazapan from my Dad and since that wasn't enough I had to go back out and get more wine. Well...that was enough because I do not remember anything after that. Woke up the next day and , but I am learned that my 1 year old fell off a table and bruised his head and chin.
My Dad is a recovering alcoholic. He did not say anything to me about it, but he had to know. Should I say something to him? I can't tell my husband because he will divorce me. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. The hardest part is that I was sober for 6 YEARS prior to all of these relpases. What is wrong with me? I have two beautiful boys and a husband that I love. I love my job etc. I just want to stop ans stay stopped. I can't handle the guilt and lies and insanity anymore.
Back to day 2
I was on day 8 and feeling great! I mean on top of the world great! I had a therapy apt the night before and all was well. On Thursday the exterminator came to my house for aunts, so I took the kids down to my dads for the night. On the way down I passed a liquer store and AV started "Hey...you can drop the kids off at your Dads...come back and get some wine and your husband will never know...." So, that's what I did...but the wine was not enough....I had to take three clonazapan from my Dad and since that wasn't enough I had to go back out and get more wine. Well...that was enough because I do not remember anything after that. Woke up the next day and , but I am learned that my 1 year old fell off a table and bruised his head and chin. My Dad is a recovering alcoholic. He did not say anything to me about it, but he had to know. Should I say something to him? I can't tell my husband because he will divorce me. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. The hardest part is that I was sober for 6 YEARS prior to all of these relpases. What is wrong with me? I have two beautiful boys and a husband that I love. I love my job etc. I just want to stop ans stay stopped. I can't handle the guilt and lies and insanity anymore.
Back to day 2
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
to SR! I don't know if you should tell your dad or not but you should definitely stay sober no matter what. What were you doing for your recovery those six years you were sober? I'm glad you found us and joined the family!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
What were you doing to stay sober for those 6 years?
Something worked then, it seems it should work again. If your Dad is in recovery he probably knows you have a problem right? Ask him for his support. Does he do AA? How is he doing it?
You probably know what you have to do, it's just a matter of doing it. I know it isn't always easy.
Just think about this 24 hours. Promise yourself you won't pick up no matter what. If you don't put it in you you can't get drunk. Tell your Dad to hide the clonezapam. Tell him the truth. It's your truth.
Something worked then, it seems it should work again. If your Dad is in recovery he probably knows you have a problem right? Ask him for his support. Does he do AA? How is he doing it?
You probably know what you have to do, it's just a matter of doing it. I know it isn't always easy.
Just think about this 24 hours. Promise yourself you won't pick up no matter what. If you don't put it in you you can't get drunk. Tell your Dad to hide the clonezapam. Tell him the truth. It's your truth.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Boston, MA.
Posts: 1,756
From what I have read here and heard here; it gets harder to stop after every relapse So it is always gonna be an uphill climb for us .. Seems you should make a plan and stick w\ it as much as Possible .. Focus on what ya got and wanna keep 
Welcome .. Ohh and Love the Bears 
That is my next tattoo lol
So it is always gonna be an uphill climb for us .. Seems you should make a plan and stick w\ it as much as Possible .. Focus on what ya got and wanna keep Welcome .. Ohh and Love the Bears That is my next tattoo lol
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi serenityforever
I think telling your dad or not telling your husband or whatever is optional, in the sense it's up to you...but doing something to stay sober is mandatory.
Alcoholism is progressive, Whatever you did for those 6 years may not be enough now.
What have you been doing for your recovery this time? can you think of more things you should be doing?
D
I think telling your dad or not telling your husband or whatever is optional, in the sense it's up to you...but doing something to stay sober is mandatory.
Alcoholism is progressive, Whatever you did for those 6 years may not be enough now.
What have you been doing for your recovery this time? can you think of more things you should be doing?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 63
I see a counselor once a week and I read a TON on SR. I think I want to start going to meetings, but my husband is a dick about it. WE have to babies (1&2) and he gives me **** when I go to counseling once a week. He is not very supportive of this. This causes a lot of stress between us. He is the reason I quit going to AA 5 years ago. He didn't want to going to meetings with guys, he says its a cult etc.
I don't know what to do. I am just so lost and scared. I want to stay sober for myself and my boys. I would die without them. That is what I keep telling myself. I don't want to go to jail or rehab or die.
The relapses started off with "oh I can just have one glass of wine" which of course led to more and more drinking. The sad thing is I drink alone in my car at work or whenever I get away from my husband. I am off for the summer and am scared to go back to work!
I don't know what to do. I am just so lost and scared. I want to stay sober for myself and my boys. I would die without them. That is what I keep telling myself. I don't want to go to jail or rehab or die.
The relapses started off with "oh I can just have one glass of wine" which of course led to more and more drinking. The sad thing is I drink alone in my car at work or whenever I get away from my husband. I am off for the summer and am scared to go back to work!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by serenityforever 
I see a counselor once a week and I read a TON on SR. I think I want to start going to meetings, but my husband is a dick about it. WE have to babies (1&2) and he gives me **** when I go to counseling once a week. He is not very supportive of this. This causes a lot of stress between us. He is the reason I quit going to AA 5 years ago. He didn't want to going to meetings with guys, he says its a cult etc.
I don't know what to do. I am just so lost and scared. I want to stay sober for myself and my boys. I would die without them. That is what I keep telling myself. I don't want to go to jail or rehab or die.
The relapses started off with "oh I can just have one glass of wine" which of course led to more and more drinking. The sad thing is I drink alone in my car at work or whenever I get away from my husband. I am off for the summer and am scared to go back to work!
I don't know what to do. I am just so lost and scared. I want to stay sober for myself and my boys. I would die without them. That is what I keep telling myself. I don't want to go to jail or rehab or die.
The relapses started off with "oh I can just have one glass of wine" which of course led to more and more drinking. The sad thing is I drink alone in my car at work or whenever I get away from my husband. I am off for the summer and am scared to go back to work!
If you are committed to sobriety, you might need to figure out what to do about him. First and foremost, I'd ignore his objections to you going to AA. If he doesn't like it, that's tough titties. Your sobriety is important!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Hello
Whatever you need to do to stay healthy is not up to anyone but you. If therapy is the route, then attend Therapy. If AA is the route then go back to AA. It is not for others to tell us what is right or wrong when it comes to the path of our health and sobriety. Especially when these two routes are for the better good. If you were sober for 6 years then you know how to get and remain sober again. I wish you the best of luck. Make the necessary decisions to get sober. We all need help in our lives. Keep posting and reading.
Whatever you need to do to stay healthy is not up to anyone but you. If therapy is the route, then attend Therapy. If AA is the route then go back to AA. It is not for others to tell us what is right or wrong when it comes to the path of our health and sobriety. Especially when these two routes are for the better good. If you were sober for 6 years then you know how to get and remain sober again. I wish you the best of luck. Make the necessary decisions to get sober. We all need help in our lives. Keep posting and reading.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Hey SF,
I was sober 14 years and started drinking again and I, too, am finding it much harder this time around.
Dee's post worries me that it might take more than it did last time, as I gave it absolutely everything I had then, as my life did depend on it, I was so suicidal.
But, I have to believe that the desire to stop the insanity will bring providence or the Universe or god or whatever to move to support us. I don't believe we're alone, however it may feel.
Hang in there, and I agree that it sounds like you might need to let your husband pout and throw tantrums, but you gotta get support - meetings, etc.of some kind.
Don't give up!
I was sober 14 years and started drinking again and I, too, am finding it much harder this time around.
Dee's post worries me that it might take more than it did last time, as I gave it absolutely everything I had then, as my life did depend on it, I was so suicidal.
But, I have to believe that the desire to stop the insanity will bring providence or the Universe or god or whatever to move to support us. I don't believe we're alone, however it may feel.
Hang in there, and I agree that it sounds like you might need to let your husband pout and throw tantrums, but you gotta get support - meetings, etc.of some kind.
Don't give up!
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by serenityforever
I relapsed AGAIN I was on day 8 and feeling great! I mean on top of the world great! I had a therapy apt the night before and all was well. On Thursday the exterminator came to my house for aunts, so I took the kids down to my dads for the night. On the way down I passed a liquer store and AV started "Hey...you can drop the kids off at your Dads...come back and get some wine and your husband will never know...." So, that's what I did...but the wine was not enough....I had to take three clonazapan from my Dad and since that wasn't enough I had to go back out and get more wine. Well...that was enough because I do not remember anything after that. Woke up the next day and , but I am learned that my 1 year old fell off a table and bruised his head and chin.
My Dad is a recovering alcoholic. He did not say anything to me about it, but he had to know. Should I say something to him? I can't tell my husband because he will divorce me. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. The hardest part is that I was sober for 6 YEARS prior to all of these relpases. What is wrong with me? I have two beautiful boys and a husband that I love. I love my job etc. I just want to stop ans stay stopped. I can't handle the guilt and lies and insanity anymore.
Back to day 2
I was on day 8 and feeling great! I mean on top of the world great! I had a therapy apt the night before and all was well. On Thursday the exterminator came to my house for aunts, so I took the kids down to my dads for the night. On the way down I passed a liquer store and AV started "Hey...you can drop the kids off at your Dads...come back and get some wine and your husband will never know...." So, that's what I did...but the wine was not enough....I had to take three clonazapan from my Dad and since that wasn't enough I had to go back out and get more wine. Well...that was enough because I do not remember anything after that. Woke up the next day and , but I am learned that my 1 year old fell off a table and bruised his head and chin. My Dad is a recovering alcoholic. He did not say anything to me about it, but he had to know. Should I say something to him? I can't tell my husband because he will divorce me. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. The hardest part is that I was sober for 6 YEARS prior to all of these relpases. What is wrong with me? I have two beautiful boys and a husband that I love. I love my job etc. I just want to stop ans stay stopped. I can't handle the guilt and lies and insanity anymore.
Back to day 2
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Sylvan Lake AB
Posts: 18
You need support from something or someone. You can not do this alone. If you try it alone, you will feel alone, and you will fail. Even if it's one true friend to talk to any time. It's too bad it isn't your husband, who should be your best friend in the whole world. If your Dad is also recovering, try talking to him, and maybe He will be that one person you can reach for! I just got out of detox yesterday, because I slipped up and just let it go because I didn't want to be embarrassed about it. It went on for 8 months.
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