Day 2 - What a night!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 142
Day 2 - What a night!
Well - day 2 is under my belt. Abstaining from drinking wasn't really all that hard.
What a horrible night though.
My kids were at their Grandma's house so generally that would mean party time with the wife but I expressed early in the day that I would not be drinking at all.
No problem until around 8pm. I could sense resentment on my wife's part of not being able to drink. After about an hour of obvious body language - I told her to go ahead and have a drink - it wouldn't affect me.
Well drink she did. Long story short she got smashed - more so than I have seen in years. WTF? She went on to blame me for many of the issues in our life (some probably true - some DEFINITELY not true). She cried. For hours. I mostly listened. Thank goodness I wasn't drunk or it would have been WWIII.
She said she wanted me to see how it was for her all these years (even though she drinks plenty herself).
What strange timing I thought. Anyway all seems well this morning and I managed my second consecutive night of sobriety.
Overall - what a night.
On the sleep front - not much at all. We're hosting friends tonight where I will be spending hours in front of our smoker cooking up tri tip and ribs. Not sure how I will survive this one.
What a horrible night though.
My kids were at their Grandma's house so generally that would mean party time with the wife but I expressed early in the day that I would not be drinking at all.
No problem until around 8pm. I could sense resentment on my wife's part of not being able to drink. After about an hour of obvious body language - I told her to go ahead and have a drink - it wouldn't affect me.
Well drink she did. Long story short she got smashed - more so than I have seen in years. WTF? She went on to blame me for many of the issues in our life (some probably true - some DEFINITELY not true). She cried. For hours. I mostly listened. Thank goodness I wasn't drunk or it would have been WWIII.
She said she wanted me to see how it was for her all these years (even though she drinks plenty herself).
What strange timing I thought. Anyway all seems well this morning and I managed my second consecutive night of sobriety.
Overall - what a night.
On the sleep front - not much at all. We're hosting friends tonight where I will be spending hours in front of our smoker cooking up tri tip and ribs. Not sure how I will survive this one.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Wow, haven't actually heard this one yet
Has she considered sobriety?
I'm going to step away from that one.
To address this:
You have a lot of people behind you and rooting for you on here. No one can do it for you but you have all the support that you want.
Have you signed up for the 24 hour club yet? I save that and use it as my "go to" when I'm going to be in a potentially tough situation. Once I request that 24 hours there's no choice for me. Once I'm in, I'm in. My plan is that if I am craving so badly while I'm in the situation I'll be mindful of the fact that I signed up so I can't drink. I have to wait past the 24 hours in order to pick up, I just have to make it to the end of that time. I know full well that if that ever happened and the time came that I would be past the craving.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!
She said she wanted me to see how it was for her all these years (even though she drinks plenty herself).
I'm going to step away from that one.
To address this:
Not sure how I will survive this one.
Have you signed up for the 24 hour club yet? I save that and use it as my "go to" when I'm going to be in a potentially tough situation. Once I request that 24 hours there's no choice for me. Once I'm in, I'm in. My plan is that if I am craving so badly while I'm in the situation I'll be mindful of the fact that I signed up so I can't drink. I have to wait past the 24 hours in order to pick up, I just have to make it to the end of that time. I know full well that if that ever happened and the time came that I would be past the craving.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
Geez. Not a fun night, huh?
Have you checked out the Double Winner thread over in Friends and Family? (I don't know how to post the link, but maybe someone here will). Trying to get sober with an active drinker in the house is extra hard. My husband is a big drinker too (lately I've been playing the game "who is the bigger alcoholic?" or "who is the REAL alcoholic?" LOL).
You are changing the pattern dynamics between you and your wife. You guys used to drink together and now she has to get used to something new. It's bound to cause some awkwardness. Has she ever expressed an interest in quitting drinking?
Have you checked out the Double Winner thread over in Friends and Family? (I don't know how to post the link, but maybe someone here will). Trying to get sober with an active drinker in the house is extra hard. My husband is a big drinker too (lately I've been playing the game "who is the bigger alcoholic?" or "who is the REAL alcoholic?" LOL).
You are changing the pattern dynamics between you and your wife. You guys used to drink together and now she has to get used to something new. It's bound to cause some awkwardness. Has she ever expressed an interest in quitting drinking?
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
Congratulations on staying sober DrunkenBob. You are probably very right that your sobriety saved a huge fight. Sometimes when I was drunk I would get super emotional. Things I had a right to be upset about and when I got drunk I would blow them way out of proportion. It wasn't fun. I can relate to the hours of crying.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Wow Bob..that is an amazing tale..really. The poor woman had to get herself all smashed up to start emoting (seem familiar?). I have done that soooooo many times. I have gotten myself completely liquored and decided to tell someone what I really think about what I have CHOSEN to silently brew about for whatever length of time..and then it comes out all stupid and gnarly and well nothing is resolved cuz I ain't listening to whatever they have to say anyway!
It is possible that your wife drinks more than you thought OR may start drinking more now that she has lost her identity as the "more in control" one.
But wow...good on ya for Day 2!!!!!
It is possible that your wife drinks more than you thought OR may start drinking more now that she has lost her identity as the "more in control" one.
But wow...good on ya for Day 2!!!!!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Nuudawn 
I have gotten myself completely liquored and decided to tell someone what I really think about what I have CHOSEN to silently brew about for whatever length of time..and then it comes out all stupid and gnarly and well nothing is resolved cuz I ain't listening to whatever they have to say anyway
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
[QUOTE=Nuudawn;4080934]Wow Bob..that is an amazing tale..really. The poor woman had to get herself all smashed up to start emoting (seem familiar?). I have done that soooooo many times. I have gotten myself completely liquored and decided to tell someone what I really think about what I have CHOSEN to silently brew about for whatever length of time..and then it comes out all stupid and gnarly and well nothing is resolved cuz I ain't listening to whatever they have to say anyway!
Love the way you put things like that out there. One time I went back 15 years on my husband to have something to be upset about.
Love the way you put things like that out there. One time I went back 15 years on my husband to have something to be upset about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 142
I have spent most of my time on SR right here in the newcomers forum - perhaps I should spread out a bit and check out the others.
I need to be careful dragging my wife into this but needless to say - quantity-wise she is not even close to the drunk I am. She has it more under control than I but just had a bad night. I just found the timing of the bad night a bit strange. I think there IS a bit of intimidation of facing this type of life change.
She is more on board for moderation but understands that rarely works. She certainly has the ability more than I to moderate but not sure how that will work with me in the house.
A part of me just wants to cancel the days plans. Would be SOOO much easier. I am almost scared to "commit" in the 24 hour forum because I know tonight is a genuine test. Just going to try to take it one hour at a time.
I need to be careful dragging my wife into this but needless to say - quantity-wise she is not even close to the drunk I am. She has it more under control than I but just had a bad night. I just found the timing of the bad night a bit strange. I think there IS a bit of intimidation of facing this type of life change.
She is more on board for moderation but understands that rarely works. She certainly has the ability more than I to moderate but not sure how that will work with me in the house.
A part of me just wants to cancel the days plans. Would be SOOO much easier. I am almost scared to "commit" in the 24 hour forum because I know tonight is a genuine test. Just going to try to take it one hour at a time.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by DrunkenBob
I have spent most of my time on SR right here in the newcomers forum - perhaps I should spread out a bit and check out the others.
I need to be careful dragging my wife into this but needless to say - quantity-wise she is not even close to the drunk I am. She has it more under control than I but just had a bad night. I just found the timing of the bad night a bit strange. I think there IS a bit of intimidation of facing this type of life change.
She is more on board for moderation but understands that rarely works. She certainly has the ability more than I to moderate but not sure how that will work with me in the house.
A part of me just wants to cancel the days plans. Would be SOOO much easier. I am almost scared to "commit" in the 24 hour forum because I know tonight is a genuine test. Just going to try to take it one hour at a time.
I need to be careful dragging my wife into this but needless to say - quantity-wise she is not even close to the drunk I am. She has it more under control than I but just had a bad night. I just found the timing of the bad night a bit strange. I think there IS a bit of intimidation of facing this type of life change.
She is more on board for moderation but understands that rarely works. She certainly has the ability more than I to moderate but not sure how that will work with me in the house.
A part of me just wants to cancel the days plans. Would be SOOO much easier. I am almost scared to "commit" in the 24 hour forum because I know tonight is a genuine test. Just going to try to take it one hour at a time.
I relied "one situation" at a time in my first couple of a weeks (well sometimes it still comes to that). I just tried to face each "situation" sober cuz that's what it was about for me. Facing my life as it comes...sober. Beyond my immediate was far too much for me to think about. I think the 24 hour club might have scared me too..a whole day was too much for me to take in at hour 4 or 5 ..lol. Now that I'm a lot more comfortable in sobriety..the 24 hour club seems too easy..right now..lol. Last Friday night? Maybe not. My life happens in the now..and I keep my comittment to the now and that's commitment enough for me.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Great job on maintaining your sobriety Bob. Do you also have a face to face support group such as AA or SMART?
Here is the link to the double winner thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html
I hope you will read it and that it will give you some hope. You are not alone, others have successfully quit and stay quit while living with an active alcoholic
We can become and stay clean and sober and find contentment whether our loved ones are still drinking/using or not.
Here is the link to the double winner thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html
I hope you will read it and that it will give you some hope. You are not alone, others have successfully quit and stay quit while living with an active alcoholic
We can become and stay clean and sober and find contentment whether our loved ones are still drinking/using or not.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by DrunkenBob
Well - day 2 is under my belt. Abstaining from drinking wasn't really all that hard.
What a horrible night though.
My kids were at their Grandma's house so generally that would mean party time with the wife but I expressed early in the day that I would not be drinking at all.
No problem until around 8pm. I could sense resentment on my wife's part of not being able to drink. After about an hour of obvious body language - I told her to go ahead and have a drink - it wouldn't affect me.
Well drink she did. Long story short she got smashed - more so than I have seen in years. WTF? She went on to blame me for many of the issues in our life (some probably true - some DEFINITELY not true). She cried. For hours. I mostly listened. Thank goodness I wasn't drunk or it would have been WWIII.
She said she wanted me to see how it was for her all these years (even though she drinks plenty herself).
What strange timing I thought. Anyway all seems well this morning and I managed my second consecutive night of sobriety.
Overall - what a night.
On the sleep front - not much at all. We're hosting friends tonight where I will be spending hours in front of our smoker cooking up tri tip and ribs. Not sure how I will survive this one.
What a horrible night though.
My kids were at their Grandma's house so generally that would mean party time with the wife but I expressed early in the day that I would not be drinking at all.
No problem until around 8pm. I could sense resentment on my wife's part of not being able to drink. After about an hour of obvious body language - I told her to go ahead and have a drink - it wouldn't affect me.
Well drink she did. Long story short she got smashed - more so than I have seen in years. WTF? She went on to blame me for many of the issues in our life (some probably true - some DEFINITELY not true). She cried. For hours. I mostly listened. Thank goodness I wasn't drunk or it would have been WWIII.
She said she wanted me to see how it was for her all these years (even though she drinks plenty herself).
What strange timing I thought. Anyway all seems well this morning and I managed my second consecutive night of sobriety.
Overall - what a night.
On the sleep front - not much at all. We're hosting friends tonight where I will be spending hours in front of our smoker cooking up tri tip and ribs. Not sure how I will survive this one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by DrunkenBob
Well - day 2 is under my belt. Abstaining from drinking wasn't really all that hard.
What a horrible night though.
My kids were at their Grandma's house so generally that would mean party time with the wife but I expressed early in the day that I would not be drinking at all.
No problem until around 8pm. I could sense resentment on my wife's part of not being able to drink. After about an hour of obvious body language - I told her to go ahead and have a drink - it wouldn't affect me.
Well drink she did. Long story short she got smashed - more so than I have seen in years. WTF? She went on to blame me for many of the issues in our life (some probably true - some DEFINITELY not true). She cried. For hours. I mostly listened. Thank goodness I wasn't drunk or it would have been WWIII.
She said she wanted me to see how it was for her all these years (even though she drinks plenty herself).
What strange timing I thought. Anyway all seems well this morning and I managed my second consecutive night of sobriety.
Overall - what a night.
On the sleep front - not much at all. We're hosting friends tonight where I will be spending hours in front of our smoker cooking up tri tip and ribs. Not sure how I will survive this one.
What a horrible night though.
My kids were at their Grandma's house so generally that would mean party time with the wife but I expressed early in the day that I would not be drinking at all.
No problem until around 8pm. I could sense resentment on my wife's part of not being able to drink. After about an hour of obvious body language - I told her to go ahead and have a drink - it wouldn't affect me.
Well drink she did. Long story short she got smashed - more so than I have seen in years. WTF? She went on to blame me for many of the issues in our life (some probably true - some DEFINITELY not true). She cried. For hours. I mostly listened. Thank goodness I wasn't drunk or it would have been WWIII.
She said she wanted me to see how it was for her all these years (even though she drinks plenty herself).
What strange timing I thought. Anyway all seems well this morning and I managed my second consecutive night of sobriety.
Overall - what a night.
On the sleep front - not much at all. We're hosting friends tonight where I will be spending hours in front of our smoker cooking up tri tip and ribs. Not sure how I will survive this one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 142
Time to fire up the smoker. Talk about a trigger lol.
I'm going to try to pop in and out here throughout the day and see if I can get through day 3. I think as long as I have a cup in my hand none will the wiser :-)
Thanks for the support everyone - hope all have a good day/evening!!!
I'm going to try to pop in and out here throughout the day and see if I can get through day 3. I think as long as I have a cup in my hand none will the wiser :-)
Thanks for the support everyone - hope all have a good day/evening!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Sylvan Lake AB
Posts: 18
I'm on my second attempt at sobriety. My wife kept going to friends' homes instead of bringing them here. Then after a while, I figured it would be safe, so she brought them here. I was OK for a while, but then I started resenting her for it, thinking "how could you even consider this, knowing what I'm going through"? You need a safe place, which means no booze in the house, period!! Ask her to stop drinking with you. If she can't, then she needs help too!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland UK
Posts: 122
Well done on day 2 Bob! Sorry to hear you had a rough night - sobriety can often dramatically change the dynamics of some relationships. Since I've been trying to quit booze I've had my best friend literally chasing me around with alcohol. I'm trying to keep my distance but it's really difficult. My ex, who prefers me when I'm drinking is also trying to tempt me at any given moment. I don't blame either of them, I will admit I was great fun for them to be around but I can't have alcohol in my life anymore, for too many reasons.
From your posts you seem to be very focused and strong. I have great faith in you and I'm sure many others here do too. Keep up the good work Bob, stay strong and don't let those around you make you lose sight of what you are doing and why you are doing it. Enjoy your day/night but stay mindful!
From your posts you seem to be very focused and strong. I have great faith in you and I'm sure many others here do too. Keep up the good work Bob, stay strong and don't let those around you make you lose sight of what you are doing and why you are doing it. Enjoy your day/night but stay mindful!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Sounds like your wife is not supporting you at all! What ashame! You can't do this alone or with the help of an online support group. You need to surround yourself and reach out to friends or family members who will support you on your road to recovery. I haven't completely quit yet, but I have HUGE support from my boyfriend, family and friends. My boyfriend will NOT drink around me. As a matter of fact, I am planning on going cold turkey this weekend and he already said he will be by my side and not drink at all. But he doesn't have a drinking problem. He only has a couple drinks two times a month. PS. You say you are a much more severe alcoholic than your wife. There is no such thing as who is the worst alcoholic. An alcoholic is an alcoholic. Just the fact that she couldn't refrain from drinking on your second night of sobriety and went on to get smashed tells me she needs it just as bad as you do.
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