maybebabey

Hi all. This is my second attempt to give up alcohol. I can see drinking is slowly stripping my life away. I am missing out on things because of endless hangovers and I mainly don't remember my nights out anyway. Over the last year I have started drinking alone a lot and I can't stop until all the alcohol in the house is gone - the just one glass with dinner mode has long been left behind.

I am half way through Allen Carrs book on giving up alcohol. His approach worked for me when I wanted to quit smoking and I really hope it will work for alcohol. Has anyone else read it?

My biggest trigger point is other people's discomfort that I am not drinking? The endless questions about why I have stopped and people literally begging me not to become boring. I find this bit really hard and it was why I didn't last very long before....

Wish me luck as I feel I really need to make it this time.

SoberMarine

maybebabey -

Congratulations on giving it another try!!!

Regarding other people...

1. DO NOT pay any mind to what they think. At the end of they day it is YOUR career, YOUR healthy, YOUR life. How many of them will take you in should you lose it all and become homeless? How many of them will visit you in the hospital should you end up there? How many of them will attend your funeral?

2. You should seriously consider hanging out with people who either respect your desire NOT to drink, and/or people who also do not drink. I haven't told my friends yet, and when I do I will immediately rid from my life those who recommend I continue drinking.

Hang in there, maybebabey! The fact that you're trying again is a clear indication that you TRULY do want to quit. So do so! We're here with you every step of the way!

CONGRATULATIONS, once again!!!

tomdecel

Welcome.

That was me too 3 years ago. I used to say I did not have a "drinking" problem, I had a "stopping" problem.

Sure, just one glass......I could open the finest bottle of Scotch or the cheapest one of Vodka, the kind that comes in jumbo plastic bottles from the bottom shelf at the supermarket, and have any left by the next day.

When I finally stopped, I kept to my own program, day in and day out, stayed my course, from the moment I woke to the moment I went to sleep, and when family and friends finally realized I was not drinking anymore, they would applaud with an "its about time".

Pretty soon you will realize who the real "boring" ones are.

Congratulations on your determination.

trikyriky

I just wanted to say hi. You have come to a good place

aw58

Hi welcome to the forum. Yes I have read Allan Carrs book , it really helped and I gave up for 8 months then started again as I thought I could control it but it took hold again then I gave up again for 6 months and made everyone around me miserable as I wouldn't go out then I caved in. But how ever hard it is I have come to the conclusion I cant control it , it controls me so I have now quit for good. I am re-reading Allans book

LadyBlue0527

SoberMarine gave some good words of wisdom. Real friends won't be uncomfortable with your decision nor will they walk away from you. However, the sad thing is that the people that we chose to hang out with when we were drinking are typically others who have the same problem that we do. So when we become sober it makes them uncomfortable because they then have to face their own reality.

You'll find a lot of support here. I'm glad that you decided to join.

Nuudawn

I too read Carr's book and got something very important out of it. It was like a lightbulb went on "this sh*t is poison..holy moly cow!!". When I absorbed that I had been ingesting troughs and troughs of poison for more than 2.5 decades I was gobsmacked. What have I done to my precious mind and internal organs! It was just one of the important books to my recovery. What has also been crucial to my recovery...is this place here. Welcome.

Although my sobriety is less than two months...wow..is all I can say. I feel the benefits daily. I feel like I can actually discern my ever arriving mental clarity. My connection with others is coming to life..its amazing. I do hope you find the will to say here with us..and push on through into the light.

LadyBlue0527

Not meaning to thread drift but I was also amazed when I found out that alcohol REALLY is poison! I used to laugh when I heard people ask "What's your poison?" Or even make the statement that alcohol is poison. I took for granted that it was just another way of saying that ultimately, it's bad for you. I'll never forget when I was in counseling and my counselor made the statement that it was and I laughed. She asked what I was laughing at and I said pretty much the same thing I just stated above.

Then I was in shock when she said asked me "You do realize that I'm not being funny, that when you drink alcohol you are really ingesting poison and the side effect of that poison is what happens right?.

I had no idea. Wow.

Taking5

The only people who give a damn if you are drinking or not are other alcoholics.

LadyBlue0527

THIS IS SO TRUE! I never even considered that.

maybebabey

Thanks for the support everyone. Feeling pretty rubbish on Day 1 and so its good to know I am going to get more energy and clarity - fingers crossed its sooner rather than later!

I have to go to a birthday party tonight and I am sure I won't be talked into having a drink, but it is going to take some explaining. Do people recommend coming clean that I am planning never to drink again - which feels like a bold claim at this early stage, even though that is my plan; or is it better to play it down and just claim to be taking a break from booze as been overdoing it or something - not that anyone really knows quite how much I have been overdoing it!!

What's the recommendation from more experienced members?

LadyBlue0527

Not that I'm experienced, 55 days today, but here's my take.

Many people will tell you to not feel self conscious about telling the truth and that you shouldn't have to make excuses about not drinking. They don't know your people like you know your people. Do whatever you feel is necessary to keep your sobriety intact and safe. Who I am dealing with depends on what I say. To begin, no one needs to know or is it any of their business why you decided to quit. If they harp on you they have a problem.

Here is some of what I've used:

1. Nope, not drinking, decided to step away for a while. (later on was asked by the same person if I was still not drinking and my response was "Yeah, I am so amazed at how much better I feel I decided to just stay with it").

2. Yup, just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I have also heard someone on this board stating that his plan was to say that he was on meds for an ear infection and couldn't drink with them.

Suggestions may also be made that you not go if you feel that it's going to be an issue but you stated you know that there won't be.

I also have some friends who have a great sense of humor and are amazing. To those people I offer "Yeah, I was in the throes of an experiment to see how many years of drinking alcohol it would take to become an a** and an idiot and I completed it successfully so it's not necessary to continue, besides, I no longer receive funding so that ended it as well".

What it comes down to is whatever it takes for you to keep yourself intact and safe. If you feel that you're going to be hounded after giving a simple answer, even more than "I'm just not, that's why" do you really want to hang with people who won't be understanding?

Just be careful, sign up for the 24 hour club on here. That will sew it up

maybebabey

How do I sign up for the 24 hour club?

LadyBlue0527

Here is a direct link for you:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-10-a.html

Also, when you're out on the main page where you see all the forums listed right below "Newcomers to Recovery" is "Newcomer's Daily Support Threads". If you click on that it will take you to a list of threads and you'll find the signup thread there

Nuudawn

Hear hear to that. On my 3rd day of sobriety I had to attend a "drinking function" and I wasn't "solid" enough in my brain, my self esteem or my sobriety to get into any discussion about it. It was a work thing and I was known as somebody who "enjoyed the drink" so not drinking would have raised questions and eyebrows. I went with the "prescription med's" ruse. I still had a wee bit of pressure about "well one won't hurt"..but I stuck to my guns..and my little ruse.

I don't need the ruse anymore but I did in those first shaky days. And well I too don't have "longevity" in sobriety..but I do believe anyone "making it through" the first hard bits probably has something valid to say.

maybebabey

Hurrah...survived the birthday party without a drop of alcohol. I know its just one evening, but I am pleased nonetheless. I managed to avoid a big debate about not drinking as claimed I wasn't feeling very well. Won't last as an excuse, but it will do for now!

Hevyn

Hi maybebabey. I'm glad you reached out for support. We all understand how hard this is - but you sound ready to make the big change.

Proud of you for resisting a drink at the party. Those hurdles are difficult early on, but it gets so much easier. You'll grow stronger and more determined. Good job!