O/T.. Watching My Mom Die
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Muskegon, Michigan
Posts: 131
O/T.. Watching My Mom Die
Hi Everyone,
So, after the end of my relationship with my ex alcoholic about a month ago, and all of my posts here, my mother was admitted to the hospital with a lung infection. She has pancreatic cancer diagnosed only this past April. She was coherent two weeks ago when she was admitted to the hospital. She came home last Monday, delirious and dying. She no longer eats anything, only sips liquids. She doesn't know she is home in her own bed. She is just bones with skin. Hospice says days to a week.
I wasn't expecting this so soon. I don't sleep and when I do, I wake up as if Ive been having a nightmare except it's not a nightmare. It's real. My mom is my only family here in the Midwest with me. When she goes I will be alone here with my kids.
Meanwhile, my XABF has pretty much spent all of the money I had given him in good faith to save for me and my kids. And now he's telling people he is finding forgiveness in his heart for ME???? Is he F.....ing INSANE? Finding forgiveness for me??? I walked away because he can't stay sober. Because he is violent and because I didn't want it around my kids.
What kind of DENIAL can go so damn deep that he can walk around in a complete and total lie. It appears as his life is perfect again. He stopped drinking again. He's working on his business. He's smiling. (we know a lot of the same people). I just know his whole life is a lie. And it kills me to know he's got some of these people believing I was so horrible. He knew my Mom was sick. He was the one that was suppose to be there for me.
I suppose he has to live in complete denial. I imagine it's the only way he can live with himself. And maybe this is evil of me to say but I can't wait until life throws some curve balls at him again and he drowns himself in vodka once more. Because then, he wont be able to blame me.
Meanwhile, my anxiety is off the charts. I can't wake up from this nightmare. I can't imagine life without my Mom. She's too young. She's only 66 years old. Think I'm going to call my doctor for something for my nerves. Even my meditations aren't helping.
Watching a parent die is a horrible thing. I want this to be over. For her, for me and my sister. I can't sleep. My stomach is a mess. Sometimes, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just have to have faith that it's there.
Not really expecting answers tonight. I guess, I just needed to get it out.
So thanks everyone, for allowing me to be here and vent.
So, after the end of my relationship with my ex alcoholic about a month ago, and all of my posts here, my mother was admitted to the hospital with a lung infection. She has pancreatic cancer diagnosed only this past April. She was coherent two weeks ago when she was admitted to the hospital. She came home last Monday, delirious and dying. She no longer eats anything, only sips liquids. She doesn't know she is home in her own bed. She is just bones with skin. Hospice says days to a week.
I wasn't expecting this so soon. I don't sleep and when I do, I wake up as if Ive been having a nightmare except it's not a nightmare. It's real. My mom is my only family here in the Midwest with me. When she goes I will be alone here with my kids.
Meanwhile, my XABF has pretty much spent all of the money I had given him in good faith to save for me and my kids. And now he's telling people he is finding forgiveness in his heart for ME???? Is he F.....ing INSANE? Finding forgiveness for me??? I walked away because he can't stay sober. Because he is violent and because I didn't want it around my kids.
What kind of DENIAL can go so damn deep that he can walk around in a complete and total lie. It appears as his life is perfect again. He stopped drinking again. He's working on his business. He's smiling. (we know a lot of the same people). I just know his whole life is a lie. And it kills me to know he's got some of these people believing I was so horrible. He knew my Mom was sick. He was the one that was suppose to be there for me.
I suppose he has to live in complete denial. I imagine it's the only way he can live with himself. And maybe this is evil of me to say but I can't wait until life throws some curve balls at him again and he drowns himself in vodka once more. Because then, he wont be able to blame me.
Meanwhile, my anxiety is off the charts. I can't wake up from this nightmare. I can't imagine life without my Mom. She's too young. She's only 66 years old. Think I'm going to call my doctor for something for my nerves. Even my meditations aren't helping.
Watching a parent die is a horrible thing. I want this to be over. For her, for me and my sister. I can't sleep. My stomach is a mess. Sometimes, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just have to have faith that it's there.
Not really expecting answers tonight. I guess, I just needed to get it out.
So thanks everyone, for allowing me to be here and vent.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((Izzyrose)))my heart goes out to you.
I'm so sorry. It must be so very hard for you. Right now what really matters is your mom, you and your children.
The truth always comes out. He may fool someone for a while, but his truth will show itself eventually.
You are in my prayers.
I'm so sorry. It must be so very hard for you. Right now what really matters is your mom, you and your children.
The truth always comes out. He may fool someone for a while, but his truth will show itself eventually.
You are in my prayers.
Last edited by chicory; 07-20-2013 at 09:27 PM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 226
Oh izzyrose my heart goes out to you. Please let his buzzing fade into the background, and do what you need for your family and yourself right now. I lost my mother last year, your situation strikes a chord in me. Take good care.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
izzy, my heart is going out to you right now. At the end of January, I sat around the clock in hospice with my mother in the same situation. She had fallen and had bleeding into her brain. She had been totally alert and living independently until she fell (at 92).
I will never forget it. It took 9 days. But, now, as I look back--I am glad that I was there. At the end I prayed for her to go. It was that hard.
My only sister was horrible to me every minute. The hospice workers were shocked. She has always had emotional problems.
I just had to tell you how I understand. I wish I were there to hug you.
My thoughts will be with you ;and your mother.
Come here to vent as much as you need to.
God bless you both.
Your husband is a jerk.
dandylion
I will never forget it. It took 9 days. But, now, as I look back--I am glad that I was there. At the end I prayed for her to go. It was that hard.
My only sister was horrible to me every minute. The hospice workers were shocked. She has always had emotional problems.
I just had to tell you how I understand. I wish I were there to hug you.
My thoughts will be with you ;and your mother.
Come here to vent as much as you need to.
God bless you both.
Your husband is a jerk.
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hugs, Izzy,
I lost my mom when she was younger than I am now--she was only 55 when she died of breast cancer. That was one of the worst experiences of my life--watching her go.
This isn't AT ALL OT. This is major life stuff, and what we talk about here every single day.
Wishing you all peace and strength. Try not to let your ex's BS take up space in your head. He can say whatever he says--it doesn't have to affect you.
I lost my mom when she was younger than I am now--she was only 55 when she died of breast cancer. That was one of the worst experiences of my life--watching her go.
This isn't AT ALL OT. This is major life stuff, and what we talk about here every single day.
Wishing you all peace and strength. Try not to let your ex's BS take up space in your head. He can say whatever he says--it doesn't have to affect you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
I watched my 1st wide die. She was 44. It isn't suppose to be easy, and it tore me up watching it. In the end she is in a better place free of the the chains of this world.
God is strength if you turn to Him. People especially ones will addiction will take you down the path that is just pure drama and honestly emotionally abusive slow death. Do you want this guy doing this to your kids? It will happen if you stay around it.
Praying for you.
AG
God is strength if you turn to Him. People especially ones will addiction will take you down the path that is just pure drama and honestly emotionally abusive slow death. Do you want this guy doing this to your kids? It will happen if you stay around it.
Praying for you.
AG
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
I'm so, so sorry, izzyrose. ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) And yes - he is insane. And though you say he stopped drinking, he clearly doesn't have it together and is a dry drunk. I understand not wanting to sound "evil"...I understand why you feel that way regardless. He will bring it on himself. Take good care of yourself. Wishing you strength and peace - for your loved ones, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Muskegon, Michigan
Posts: 131
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. They truly help reinforce the good stuff and are a source of comfort in these tough days. This place and all of you have become my safe harbor.
Thank you so much!!!!
Thank you so much!!!!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'm so sorry for your pain. I lost my grandmother to cancer and lost my mom to ARDS... ARDS is some sort of respiratory syndrome, so I feel your pain. My mom overdosed on prescription pills, they induced vomiting and then she accidentally inhaled some of it... which caused the ARDS. I watched her in ICU on life support for two months. It was the worst time in my life.
Hang in there. My heart goes out to you!
You will get through it and time will help heal your pain. But it still hurts when a parent dies. It really shook my world up for a while. That was three years ago.
Sending you peace & strength... *hugs*
Hang in there. My heart goes out to you!
You will get through it and time will help heal your pain. But it still hurts when a parent dies. It really shook my world up for a while. That was three years ago.
Sending you peace & strength... *hugs*
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way, sweetie. My XABF#1 was an azzhat when my 18-year-old stepsister died. He was too hungover to come to my mom's funeral (and he adored her) 3 years before. She was 50, I'm now 51. Way too young.
I'm also an RA and just recently was at my grandma's bedside when she died, though it took longer than we thought.
I was such a raging codie when mom died, I eventually turned to stuff to numb me out. With grandma's death, I had a TON of support, a lot of it here, and also my family.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and it hurts. Just rely on the people you KNOW will be there for you, is my suggestion. We are here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I feel blessed to be there with her.
I'm also an RA and just recently was at my grandma's bedside when she died, though it took longer than we thought.
I was such a raging codie when mom died, I eventually turned to stuff to numb me out. With grandma's death, I had a TON of support, a lot of it here, and also my family.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and it hurts. Just rely on the people you KNOW will be there for you, is my suggestion. We are here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I feel blessed to be there with her.
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