britgirl

What do all you folks do on a sober Saturday night?

I know this sounds like a really silly question but I genuinely don't know what to do with myself.

I'm a single Mum to two young girls, the youngest of which is here with me all of the time. After they go to bed (about 8), I'm totally lost. I don't know what to do with myself, feel like there is only so much cleaning, reading, watching films etc that I can do.

I'm so lonely and sad. All of my 'normal' friends have partners and families and do family stuff and my drinking friends will be out or at home with like minded people getting wasted.

Before I would have drunk myself into a black out and woke up in the morning when the kids came in and jumped on me. I'd have been pissed of and miserable all day tomorrow, done nothing with them and then a couple of drunk mates and their kids would have come round to mine After Lunch and it'd all begin again.

I don't want that for us anymore, it's a horrible, pointless existence and no good for any of us but I really hate this too. I'm in no-mans land, don't fit in anywhere anymore and feel so lonely and isolated. It's like I'm no longer any use to anyone now that my house is no longer wine central.

I'm 49 days sober and struggling with most aspects of it. The fact that I'm not really feeling the benefits of it yet make it difficult to feel positive and to keep going.

Thanks for reading guys.

Brit

tootsl1

Hey Brit, strangely there is another new thread just up by Bigsombrero asking much the same, but of living out of hotel rooms through the week!
Have you any hobbies or interests? How about learning a new language or doing an OU course? Weekends always seem longer when you are single and you believe everyone else is having fun.
Right now my hubby and 7 year old grandson are glamping ( in their case, sleeping in a tent upstairs having had the midnight feast and spooky ghost tales) whilst I am downstairs surfing SR ! So yup, it's all go with this couple!
It's early days yet sweetie ( though congrats on 50 days tomorrow!) you know you are doing the right thing by getting sober,I am sure others can chip in with better advice, but in the mean time hang tough. X

JettBoy

Brit,there's gotta be something you can do that. You enjoy and you can do it alone,I know how you feel,we get clean suddenly we don't have all those great friends ,people don't like to look at the selfs when they see someone they know trying to stay on the wagon,I read something by Christopher Rice once,it said " You Save Yourself Or You Remain Unsaved!!! True huh,you've just got to sit down.,make a list of things you enjoy and try n start doing them,I make candles for a hobby,I know it sounds corny but its very relaxing and they make great gifts,it didn't cost a lot to get started so maybe try something like that,also,I go on here read as many new to recovery posts and try n leave someone something to go with even if its just a good luck or keep up the good work,if we help others we defiantly help ourselves,I'm right here if u need someone to vent too..

NotTooSmart

Hey, I'm all out of brilliant suggestions- I have similar questions myself! I'm just posting in solidarity. I'm a mom of one toddler and although married, my husband is out of town this weekend and has the kind of job that requires odd hours. One of my excuses for drinking was that it was so BORING to be at home cleaning, reading, etc, and drinking made doing boring things way more fun. I am now admitting to myself that it was really irresponsible to be incapacitated as the caregiver of a child. God, what if he'd fallen down and hurt himself, and needed to go to the ER? What was I going to do? So you and I are both being responsible adults. Yay us.

This sounds really lame but I got myself a cross stitch kit. I like to bake too. I want to start a regular exercise routine. I need to hang a bunch of pictures. I am trying to read books outside of my normal habits- more histories, science fiction.

lol

britgirl

Toots, glamping sounds great, my kids love stuff like that, I admit I find it hard to be continually excited by their demands for 'adventures with mummy' though.

Jett, candle making sounds very therapeutic. Funnily enough I booked myself onto a soap making workshop for tomorrow but had to cancel earlier today as my babysitter dropped out. Shame as I think I'd really it. May just get some 'how to' books and have a go anyway. Thanks for the offer of letting me vent, may take you up on that now and again lol.

Thanks both for taking the time to reply xx

LadyBlue0527

Hi britgirl, I know what you mean. Friday and/or Saturday nights were my drinking time. I got lucky, my sponsor is someone who also used to be a drinking buddy many years ago. We get together every Saturday night to do book work.

You can always come here but I know what you're saying, you need something to look forward to.

Is there anywhere in your area where you can meet other moms and plan to get together on Saturday evenings perhaps to watch a chick flick?

britgirl

Hey NotTo

I'm with you on the baking, this place has gone from wine central to a cupcake making factory. The kids live making them and I'm trying to overcompensate for being such a crap mum for years so am giving in to 'can we make more cakes mum' calls at all hours of day and night (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration there, but sure you get the picture).

Think I'm just desperate for adult company and attention to be honest. Justly really lonely.

britgirl

LadyBlue


That's brilliant having ex-drinking buddy sponsor over to do book work. That would be ideal to be honest. I don't have a sponsor yet as only been going to meetings for the last 4 weeks or so, but having heard that from you I may definitely look out for someone who has Saturday nights free!! Lol

Seriously though, I think getting a sponsor would help me all round. I have a couple of people in mind, just need to approach them and find out if they're open to taking me on as a sponsee and then deciding which one if either would be the best fit.

LadyinBC

congrats on 49 days!

I had the every night blues, cause I drank pretty well every night after work. When I went on stress leave it was everyday and every night.

Do keep going because you will see the positive as time goes on. I had to change my thought process and it was not easy by any means. Of course I wanted instant results! Of course I didn't get them. I went back and started some hobbies I quit doing, like reading, playing my video games and taking pictures.

What your feeling really isn't uncommon.

DarkDays

So sad that I look back at my weekends from a crazed time gone by and remember very little just snippets and morose death like hangovers. Being bored staring at the ceiling but sober is better than following the herds of sheep guzzling there drugs every weekend, pityful and sad. Long live sobriety, non conformists so cool !

britgirl

Thanks Lady and congrats again on 1 year, so proud of and pleased for you.

Even though I used to drink every night it seems to be the weekends that bring out the real self pity in me. Doesn't help that my XABF called to speak to his daughter earlier and sounded so happy and was out and about, new girlfriend in the background, no responsibilities just a drink free, drug free changed man apparently.

Sorry I know I sound bitter, I am at the minute. Trying to work on it, another thing I'm struggling with though.

britgirl

Hi DarkDays


I look forward to the day when I can enjoy my sobriety and be comfortable enough in my own skin to see things differently and really not feel the 'need' to pour anything in to myself to try and feel and 'fit in'.

Aargh, does that even make sense?? Probably not,

DarkDays

You be ok britgirl , takes time that's all.

I love being sober and living life in a raw and real way. Social functions are better and I am not just saying it cheer you up , they really are . You feel empowered sober whilst all around you the faces collapse and voices slur.

Give it time, don't waste any more time with it.

Good luck.

Ladybug2

Hi britgirl and congrats on 49 days! Weekends are hard for me, too. I have a 3 yr old girl and used to drink a lot when hubby went away (for reasons like you said), but, as someone previously pointed out, how irresponsible of me! Right now my daughter is playing with her dollhouse, I am on SR, and my hubby is upstairs cleaning his home office. Woohoo, exciting Saturday night here! I got back into reading (have a couple of favorite authors), eating a little chocolate and I started showering (or taking a bath) in the evenings instead of mornings. But, right now, in my early days of sobriety I am on here almost every free second I have As they all say, it will get better for us. The best part is we are sober and present for our little ones. I know what you mean about being so hungover and miserable the mornings after drinking. Do not miss those days at all!

LadyinBC

Thank you so much! And look at you! Handling all this sober. It's awesome!

Lightning Bug

I get it too. Normally I would have put my four and five year olds in bed early and rocked on with a case. Now I am laying in bed with them watching a show and laughing. Living sober rocks now.

Invictus19

Work out. Get a treadmill or do pushups and jumping jacks. Get your sweat on!

You will feel great and probably start to enjoy it once you get in shape. Its really helping me

deeker

Brit why don't you check out an AA meeting? Instant companionship.
I do NA and AA. We have activities each month. tomorrow is a beach volleyball game and cookout. I highly suggest you get to meetings and meet people who can support you, people who understand you.

We go out for coffee, pizza, bowling etc. Gotta start somewhere, why don't you give it a shot. get a babysitter one night a week and get out. Plus it's easier to stay clean with others with the same goal in mind.

EndGameNYC

Makes a great deal of sense to me.

If you believe in nothing else, believe that most things of any value in your life will get better as you progress in your recovery. It's often too painful for us to imagine such a thing, and believing this rarely gives us sufficient comfort to continue in early sobriety. So, we hit the restart button on the insanity, settling for a familiar brand of daily misery instead of moving towards a better life that, at first, is nothing more than words forming yet another empty promise. For me, I had no other choice. I surrendered completely to "whatever comes next."

I kept myself occupied by going to a lot of meetings when I first got sober. My sponsor dragged me around to meet plenty of people, a few of whom became friends. I gradually began to cross things off my bucket list -- things I'd long wanted to do while I was drinking, but which I was mostly incapable of even attempting. I won't list these things here, because I don't think it's helpful, and I'm not sure that's what you need right now. We all find our own way, and in our own time.

My sponsor called me pretty much every night in early sobriety, offering support and encouragement, and reminding me of the good things I'd accomplished in my life. He'd wish me "good night" when I was sleepy enough to call it a day.

If AA isn't for you, try connecting with people in recovery in other ways. That's always much easier said than done. I know. But when we stay connected with others who are struggling with (or have struggled with) sobriety, it helps keep us afloat long enough to get us to a better place. You don't have to do this on your own.

xuse

Hate the Saturday blues ,I watched lawless for about the third time and done some reading but just think no hangover in the morning and we can be productive