RA's: What made you want to stop?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
RA's: What made you want to stop?
To all recovered alcoholics here:
1)What made you WANT to stop drinking?
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit?
3)What was your "bottom"?
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety?
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth?
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
9)How did you deal with enablers?
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
I could think of more questions but that's quite a lot as it is.
Any other input on the struggles of accepting and overcoming alcoholism are appreciated.
Thanks.
1)What made you WANT to stop drinking?
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit?
3)What was your "bottom"?
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety?
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth?
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
9)How did you deal with enablers?
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
I could think of more questions but that's quite a lot as it is.
Any other input on the struggles of accepting and overcoming alcoholism are appreciated.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
How bout I just pick one.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
The man who paid the penalty of my sins at the cross.
Romans 8:1 -2
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus,
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
The man who paid the penalty of my sins at the cross.
Romans 8:1 -2
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
I'll pick one, too
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
I had an epiphany on my way home from a bar in the mid-afternoon, after a very negative encounter, that pretty much everything I am unhappy about in my life is connected to (a result of?) drinking.
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
I had an epiphany on my way home from a bar in the mid-afternoon, after a very negative encounter, that pretty much everything I am unhappy about in my life is connected to (a result of?) drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by deeker 
How bout I just pick one.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
The man who paid the penalty of my sins at the cross.
Romans 8:1 -2
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus,
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
The man who paid the penalty of my sins at the cross.
Romans 8:1 -2
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by WhiteFeathers
I'll pick one, too
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
I had an epiphany on my way home from a bar in the mid-afternoon, after a very negative encounter, that pretty much everything I am unhappy about in my life is connected to (a result of?) drinking.
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
I had an epiphany on my way home from a bar in the mid-afternoon, after a very negative encounter, that pretty much everything I am unhappy about in my life is connected to (a result of?) drinking.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi OnawaMiniya
Are you having trouble with motivation? We can answer your questions, but what motivates one person might not work on another. Here are some of the things that made me realise I had to stop:
Health concerns. This wasn't just from theory; I had also seen the affects of alcohol on people I knew. The one i dreaded the most was cancer, and there was an ad on the telly which said alcohol was a Class 1 carcinogen (on a par smoking).
Drinking, wishing I could drink and planning to drink started to take over my life. I didn't want to go any further down that path.
I've never wanted people to feel sorry for me, and hey would if they found out I had a drinking problem.
I was putting on weight.
My DIL was a smoker and I wanted her to quit, but I felt I couldn't encourage her if I didn't have the willpower to give up my own harmful addiction.
Hope this helps.
Are you having trouble with motivation? We can answer your questions, but what motivates one person might not work on another. Here are some of the things that made me realise I had to stop:
Health concerns. This wasn't just from theory; I had also seen the affects of alcohol on people I knew. The one i dreaded the most was cancer, and there was an ad on the telly which said alcohol was a Class 1 carcinogen (on a par smoking).
Drinking, wishing I could drink and planning to drink started to take over my life. I didn't want to go any further down that path.
I've never wanted people to feel sorry for me, and hey would if they found out I had a drinking problem.
I was putting on weight.
My DIL was a smoker and I wanted her to quit, but I felt I couldn't encourage her if I didn't have the willpower to give up my own harmful addiction.
Hope this helps.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I've got my whole story posted over here. I wrote that about three years ago.
Actually, this sort of thing is semi-interesting, but I don't know that you can generalize too much from a handful of recovered alcoholics. Every person's story is deeply individual, just as the stories here are. There are certain common threads that often pop up, but I know a guy who got sober in prison, going to AA meetings there after his death penalty was set aside. I know other people who got sober after relatively minor events (as in my story). About all I can think of that they have in common is that there was at least some kind of emotional "bottom" in the sense that the person could not go on the way he or she was going. And I also think most of the people who ultimately succeed were willing to do whatever it took. The individual "motivators" are, well, individual.
Actually, this sort of thing is semi-interesting, but I don't know that you can generalize too much from a handful of recovered alcoholics. Every person's story is deeply individual, just as the stories here are. There are certain common threads that often pop up, but I know a guy who got sober in prison, going to AA meetings there after his death penalty was set aside. I know other people who got sober after relatively minor events (as in my story). About all I can think of that they have in common is that there was at least some kind of emotional "bottom" in the sense that the person could not go on the way he or she was going. And I also think most of the people who ultimately succeed were willing to do whatever it took. The individual "motivators" are, well, individual.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
To all recovered alcoholics here:
I never wanted to stop drinking.
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit?
There was no motivation. There was no person or place. There was no white light. When I finally gave up and surrendered my desire to drink was gone. I was done. It was over.
3)What was your "bottom"?
I have no clue
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
Again, I have no clue. I had what some call a moment of clarity. What made me have it, I have no idea. What made me come to the point of surrender, I have no idea. I just stopped fighting the idea of accepting help. I had received a gift.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
I felt guilt but it never was a factor. I felt bad but that had nothing to do with why I quit. It does play a factor if I am going to remain sober.
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety?
Drinking, plain and simple. I don't think anyone really starts to understand sobriety until they are sober at least a little while. Once I got a little, I wanted more. Now I embrace it.
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth?
I knew I was an alcoholic for years. It made no difference admitting that.
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
I only had one person that actually told me they did not like my drinking. That is when I first went to AA. Later they told me they did not believe in AA. To them it was just stop, that is all. No disease, no mental obsession. Just stop. I drank for nine more years. I don't think "just stop" was gonna cut it. At least not then.
9)How did you deal with enablers?
I have no clue. If people enabled me then they did. I had no control over that. My mother knew I was an alcoholic yet every Birthday she bought me my favorite whiskey. I drank it. Plain and simple.
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
I was not in denial about being an alcoholic. I was in denial about trying to control my life and everything in it. I convinced myself that there was only one person I could trust and that was me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Onawa....
I read (but don't post) quite frequently in the Newcomers to Recovery and Alcoholism forums here on SR. I think most of your questions can and will be answered by taking a few moments to read through those forums. It has helped me to have some small understanding of the daily struggle faced by alcoholics in early recovery.
I read (but don't post) quite frequently in the Newcomers to Recovery and Alcoholism forums here on SR. I think most of your questions can and will be answered by taking a few moments to read through those forums. It has helped me to have some small understanding of the daily struggle faced by alcoholics in early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Originally Posted by GracieLou
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
I was not in denial about being an alcoholic. I was in denial about trying to control my life and everything in it. I convinced myself that there was only one person I could trust and that was me.
About his alcoholism, he said the more he has discovered about himself and and his issues, the more he needs to feel better about himself and stop listening to anyone else. His feelings, and his heart, belong to him, and no one is going to tell him what or how to feel. (He is still drinking).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by hydrogirl
Hello Onawa....
I read (but don't post) quite frequently in the Newcomers to Recovery and Alcoholism forums here on SR. I think most of your questions can and will be answered by taking a few moments to read through those forums. It has helped me to have some small understanding of the daily struggle faced by alcoholics in early recovery.
I read (but don't post) quite frequently in the Newcomers to Recovery and Alcoholism forums here on SR. I think most of your questions can and will be answered by taking a few moments to read through those forums. It has helped me to have some small understanding of the daily struggle faced by alcoholics in early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Reading the stories Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information may also help answer some of these questions.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Interesting questions. Everyone is different. If I knew how to transmit my experience to make someone else sober--especially those alcoholics I've loved and still love--I would. But here are my answers.
1)What made you WANT to stop drinking?
I only wanted to stop drinking when I was coming out of horrible hangovers or suffering withdrawals. Otherwise, I never really wanted to stop drinking and I often forgot how bad the after effects were. It took a couple of years of being sober before I wanted never to drink again--and even then I have days where I would love to be able to have just a drink.
I did want to stop being in pain, though, and eventually it became clear that alcohol was causing more pain than it was alleviating.
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit?
Life or death.
3)What was your "bottom"?
Don't know. Haven't reached it yet. I wasn't functional, didn't have a job, had moved back in with my parents, was in debt, had lost relationships and friends, my health was suffering and I was suicidal. And I still drank. I know I could still go lower though as when I quit I was thinking that maybe being a homeless drunk wouldn't be so bad since at least I could drink without anyone bothering me. Sad, but true. I didn't hit bottom so much as recognize the insanity of my life.
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
Being drunk was as bad as being sober. I realized I was going to have to dedicate myself to sobriety or die of alcoholism.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
I don't know. The instinct to live is strong, I guess.
That, plus lots of AA meetings and hearing the message over and over. (I drank my way through years of meetings, but something got through eventually.)
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety?
I didn't think that people who drank like I did could stop.
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth?
I knew I was an alcoholic almost from my first drink. It was part of my identity for a good two decades. I was proud that I was an alcoholic, it was a badge of honor that I could drink so much and I never wanted to stop. The problem I faced was believing I could stop and also letting go of my identity and identifying as a sober person. For a long time I felt like a "goody two shoes" and I hated it. I was always a rebel and I'm a writer and alcoholism just seemed to fit in nicely with my view of myself. I had to realize that alcoholism wasn't my identity, it was an outside force that was killing me.
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
See above.
I never cared what the "normies" thought. Now I identify as a non-drinker. I only talk about my alcoholism with close friends, or in recovery circles. And I still don't generally care what people think.
9)How did you deal with enablers?
Not sure if I have any now. My relationships while drinking were with other alkies and I'm no longer in contact with most of them. I distanced myself from anyone who would encourage me to drink. Some of my friends drink and my best friend is an alcoholic, but they all respect my sobriety.
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
I was never in denial about being alcoholic. I was in denial that I was hurting myself. I thought I was immune to any problems that other people would have. I just lowered my expectations of myself as my life grew out of control. I've heard it said that alcoholism is a disease of perception and I think that's true.
I knew I had a problem, but I couldn't fully appreciate it until I'd been sober a bit and saw how insane my life had become.
I was also in denial that I could stay sober. I thought I was hopeless. Turns out I wasn't, for which I'm eternally grateful.
My best to you.
1)What made you WANT to stop drinking?
I only wanted to stop drinking when I was coming out of horrible hangovers or suffering withdrawals. Otherwise, I never really wanted to stop drinking and I often forgot how bad the after effects were. It took a couple of years of being sober before I wanted never to drink again--and even then I have days where I would love to be able to have just a drink.
I did want to stop being in pain, though, and eventually it became clear that alcohol was causing more pain than it was alleviating.
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit?
Life or death.
3)What was your "bottom"?
Don't know. Haven't reached it yet. I wasn't functional, didn't have a job, had moved back in with my parents, was in debt, had lost relationships and friends, my health was suffering and I was suicidal. And I still drank. I know I could still go lower though as when I quit I was thinking that maybe being a homeless drunk wouldn't be so bad since at least I could drink without anyone bothering me. Sad, but true. I didn't hit bottom so much as recognize the insanity of my life.
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
Being drunk was as bad as being sober. I realized I was going to have to dedicate myself to sobriety or die of alcoholism.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
I don't know. The instinct to live is strong, I guess.
That, plus lots of AA meetings and hearing the message over and over. (I drank my way through years of meetings, but something got through eventually.)
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety?
I didn't think that people who drank like I did could stop.
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth?
I knew I was an alcoholic almost from my first drink. It was part of my identity for a good two decades. I was proud that I was an alcoholic, it was a badge of honor that I could drink so much and I never wanted to stop. The problem I faced was believing I could stop and also letting go of my identity and identifying as a sober person. For a long time I felt like a "goody two shoes" and I hated it. I was always a rebel and I'm a writer and alcoholism just seemed to fit in nicely with my view of myself. I had to realize that alcoholism wasn't my identity, it was an outside force that was killing me.
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
See above.
I never cared what the "normies" thought. Now I identify as a non-drinker. I only talk about my alcoholism with close friends, or in recovery circles. And I still don't generally care what people think.
9)How did you deal with enablers?
Not sure if I have any now. My relationships while drinking were with other alkies and I'm no longer in contact with most of them. I distanced myself from anyone who would encourage me to drink. Some of my friends drink and my best friend is an alcoholic, but they all respect my sobriety.
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
I was never in denial about being alcoholic. I was in denial that I was hurting myself. I thought I was immune to any problems that other people would have. I just lowered my expectations of myself as my life grew out of control. I've heard it said that alcoholism is a disease of perception and I think that's true.
I knew I had a problem, but I couldn't fully appreciate it until I'd been sober a bit and saw how insane my life had become.
I was also in denial that I could stay sober. I thought I was hopeless. Turns out I wasn't, for which I'm eternally grateful.
My best to you.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
1)What made you WANT to stop drinking?
I went on a 3 week binge around the holiday season (commemorating a very painful breakup with someone I truly loved) when every time I did not have to work, I would just be drinking. I felt like I could not stop and it was scary because I know I am an alcoholic and I had 5 years sober before I started drinking again.
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit?
It's not a way to live and I knew that things would get far worst drinking wise if I did not quit here and there
3)What was your "bottom"?
I was planning my suicide and making arrangements. I had googled all the local bridges, access to them, was looking into funeral costs so I would not be a burden to my friends.
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
It was either go back to recovery or suicide.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
N/A
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety?
Popping out of that depression and caring enough to give it a go.
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth?
Nothing, I knew I was an alcoholic when I started drinking again in 2006. I got away with drinking sometimes a few, sometimes nothing and sometimes >not very often< heavily (alone in the evening) for 6 years with no consequences but I knew that sooner or later the "bullet" would hit me.
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
No one knew, I was a closet drinker and I am single and live alone. I would be alone in my house with the phone and social media off.
9)How did you deal with enablers?
I never had my own codie or enabler but I have been on others' codependent and enabler.
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
No denial, just not caring anymore and a death wish.
Any other input on the struggles of accepting and overcoming alcoholism are appreciated.
I am a "high" bottom alcoholic and actually I identify much more with other codependents. I know I can never drink safely again and I have to be careful when hearing other alcoholics' stories because my AV could easily say that I am not a "real" alcoholic, that my drinking is a symptom of my codependency.
This is why I work an hybrid program and also go to Women For Sobriety (which is about empowerement rather than character defects) and use AVRT tools. If I only went to AA (which I love btw), there is a chance that the men's "low bottom" stories would give my AV ammunitions.
I am lucky because I have zero cravings or desire to drink (it was the same way when I was in recovery for 5 years before).
So my main challenge is probably to admit that I am a "light weigh" and try to identify and not compare, sometimes identifying is tough, I identify much more with those guys wives and girlfriends LOL.
I have also to be careful to maintain healthy relationship with others (especially romantically) and to not let outside circumstances throw me off.
I always keep in mind that it is not what we drank, how often we drank or how much we drank but how drinking affects us. For me, drinking will send me in a dark night of the soul.
I went on a 3 week binge around the holiday season (commemorating a very painful breakup with someone I truly loved) when every time I did not have to work, I would just be drinking. I felt like I could not stop and it was scary because I know I am an alcoholic and I had 5 years sober before I started drinking again.
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit?
It's not a way to live and I knew that things would get far worst drinking wise if I did not quit here and there
3)What was your "bottom"?
I was planning my suicide and making arrangements. I had googled all the local bridges, access to them, was looking into funeral costs so I would not be a burden to my friends.
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
It was either go back to recovery or suicide.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
N/A
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety?
Popping out of that depression and caring enough to give it a go.
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth?
Nothing, I knew I was an alcoholic when I started drinking again in 2006. I got away with drinking sometimes a few, sometimes nothing and sometimes >not very often< heavily (alone in the evening) for 6 years with no consequences but I knew that sooner or later the "bullet" would hit me.
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
No one knew, I was a closet drinker and I am single and live alone. I would be alone in my house with the phone and social media off.
9)How did you deal with enablers?
I never had my own codie or enabler but I have been on others' codependent and enabler.
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
No denial, just not caring anymore and a death wish.
Any other input on the struggles of accepting and overcoming alcoholism are appreciated.
I am a "high" bottom alcoholic and actually I identify much more with other codependents. I know I can never drink safely again and I have to be careful when hearing other alcoholics' stories because my AV could easily say that I am not a "real" alcoholic, that my drinking is a symptom of my codependency.
This is why I work an hybrid program and also go to Women For Sobriety (which is about empowerement rather than character defects) and use AVRT tools. If I only went to AA (which I love btw), there is a chance that the men's "low bottom" stories would give my AV ammunitions.
I am lucky because I have zero cravings or desire to drink (it was the same way when I was in recovery for 5 years before).
So my main challenge is probably to admit that I am a "light weigh" and try to identify and not compare, sometimes identifying is tough, I identify much more with those guys wives and girlfriends LOL.
I have also to be careful to maintain healthy relationship with others (especially romantically) and to not let outside circumstances throw me off.
I always keep in mind that it is not what we drank, how often we drank or how much we drank but how drinking affects us. For me, drinking will send me in a dark night of the soul.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Mateo, Ca
Posts: 52
For me, after having grown up without any concept of normal, getting into self medication with A & D, I eventually became acquainted with human beings who could be trusted, that didn't abuse themselves or their kids, didn't live outside society.
I made the conscience decision to choose life over death.
I got clean first, kicked alcohol 4 years later.
I don't discuss my bottom.
Shame, guilt and depression are the natural result of addiction. When I was in recovery they became less of a factor in my life and my outlook.
My denial was that everyone around me used, drank or both and I saw that behavior as natural.
I attempted to avoid everyone I knew that was still actively using/drinking when I made my break from that life.
I made the conscience decision to choose life over death.
I got clean first, kicked alcohol 4 years later.
I don't discuss my bottom.
Shame, guilt and depression are the natural result of addiction. When I was in recovery they became less of a factor in my life and my outlook.
My denial was that everyone around me used, drank or both and I saw that behavior as natural.
I attempted to avoid everyone I knew that was still actively using/drinking when I made my break from that life.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Another good read is "Moments of Clarity" by Christopher Kennedy Lawford.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Why are you asking? Looking to save an alcoholic family member? I am recovered and know why I quit and have almost three years sober. No one can help you or tell you anything to motivate another to quit. They have to decide that. I have an AW and she is progressing in her alcoholism quite predictably. She was a really neat person once. It is painful to know where she is going. I have been partway there and had my fill. Nothing anybody can do for the addiction of another. You can decide things for you, like whether to stay or leave. Anything about the other is strictly up to them. Getting others to save them by manipulation, emotional blackmail, control issues, were not my MO as an alcoholic. It is for most.
Sorry but you just get to watch until it is too painful or they decide they have had enough of their addiction. Same decision we make about being near them.
Sorry but you just get to watch until it is too painful or they decide they have had enough of their addiction. Same decision we make about being near them.
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