DrunkenBob

This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

Celebrated (why does that word always seem to go with alcohol?) our 16th wedding anniversary last night and promised myself I would only allow 2 drinks for the night (part of my reduce to nothing plan).

Didn't realize how hard this would be with a spouse dealing with the same issue (although not nearly as severe).

Long story short ended up having two drinks at dinner and then one more at home before taking one OTC sleeping aid and managing to get a "wonderful" 4 hours of sleep which was DESPERATELY needed.

I was VERY mad at myself when I went to bed but decided to look at the bigger picture this morning. Over the last 3 nights I have had 7 drinks. Hardly good enough. But on any normal 3 night span I would have had 24+ so I am trying to not get to down on myself. Never seen a vodka bottle last this long lol.

I feel like a different person today having actually got a bit of sleep. I can tell this battle with alcohol/sleep is going to be my biggest obstacle. That and having a wife with the same problem as me.

jkb

Well, if you meant to have 2 and you had one extra you did pretty good. However, mixing alcohol and OTC sleeping pills..... BAD IDEA.

GL with your "reduce to nothing plan".

bigsombrero

Disagree with this, and your plan to "just have 2" in the first place. Sorry man, I gotta level with ya here and it's not always easy to hear. There is no such thing as moderation. It just doesn't happen. In my view, tapering, cutting down, all that jazz - it's not the right way to approach recovery.

I have an alcohol problem and I could not stop on my own. You did the right thing by posting on SR, joining the forum, and sharing your thoughts - so let me offer my heartfelt encouragement and congratulations on your efforts thusfar.

It might be time to rethink your method. Have you thought about counseling? I'm not an AA thumper by any means (my posting history can attest to this), but it's a great option for those just starting out. There are also programs and methods like Rational Recovery which you can do on your own, provided you have the right attitude and coping skills.

I do agree with the above poster that mixing alcohol and sleeping meds is a bad idea. But I cannot support anyone here who thinks it is okay to continue drinking while at the same time trying to adopt a healthy new lifestyle.

So do some research, poke around here at SR, ask some questions and continue to share your thoughts. You are on the right track, ya just need to tweak your plan of attack. I have faith that you can do this, thousands here would agree and support you 100% in your attempt to clean up. Best of luck to you!!!

DrunkenBob

I definitely do not plan on moderation. I would never succeed at that. I only wanted to reduce a bit because I was afraid of some severe reactions to just going cold turkey.

I am much less concerned about that now after 3 days. I think tonight I will try the sleep aid only and hope for at least some shuteye.

I just made an appointment with my DR for Monday. He's already aware of my situation. I just need something for just a while to allow for some sleep. My guess is he will pass me along to a shrink who will recommend the 2 week outpatient program which I will not do.

ippochick

why will you not do the outpatient program?

DrunkenBob

It's complicated but...

#1 It requires at least 2 weeks off work. Can't do it right now. I cannot even get two days of work to enjoy some summer time with my family.

#2 For personal reasons I cannot and will not do group therapy.

#3 My work and the outpatient program are intimately connected :-)

I believe I can do this on my own with help from others around me. If I fail miserably then I will have to reconsider.

bigsombrero

"Can't do it right now"
"cannot and will not"
"If I fail I will reconsider"

Doesn't sound like someone too serious about getting well. For what it's worth, I wasn't either. Took three seizures and four ambulance rides to eventually convince me that I needed to address my problem via the recommended routes.

Glad you are chatting with your doctor. It seems you already know what he is going to say, and that you already know you will not do it. To be honest I am not surprised, I've seen this movie before. I am also not surprised to hear you say "I can't get the time off work" and view that as a legitimate excuse. It is not. Those two weeks can literally save your life.

I hope you keep an open mind, Bob. I see a smart guy who is unfortunately not equipped with rational coping skills. I was told those exact words when I started my journey and I was very offended and I am sure you will be also. I apologize that it stings to hear. Again I support and commend your efforts thusfar. I do hope you can do this your "own way". We will be here to support you and lend a variety of advice and hopefully something will stick.

DrunkenBob

Hey bigsombrero - I'm not offended at all - in fact I appreciate your candor.

I guess years of spending time on other unrelated internet forums gives you a thick skin :-)

This is my first genuine attempt to get off the drink. Perhaps I will need several failed attempts, multiple seizures and trips to the ER to finally realize I cannot do it on my own. That remains to be seen.

For now - this is the path I have chosen. I will continue to post my journey here for better or for worse as a form of therapy for me and perhaps some help to others down the road.

Nuudawn

Hey DB. You know I want nothing but to see you succeed. What I am seeing as an obstacle is your "openness and willingness" to do whatever it takes. I am not in AA. I did not go to rehab or detox. Although I drank nightly and binged often perhaps my mental/physical dependency was not as severe as yours. ow I cannot speculate. What I do know is that when I committed to a decision of abstinence I was open to anything should I find myself "crawling the walls". I wanted sobriety that bad. I wanted to do it on my own (by that I mean without AA) but gosh darn I was willing to get myself out of the way if I couldn't. I WANT sobriety. I WANT to face life head on...with just little ole me fighting it and living it...without escaping it or dulling my senses. I'm not advising you to do anything but open us a little...and get rid of the can'ts and the won'ts otherwise I fear you may lose your choice in the matter.

I'm glad you're seeing your doctor.

MyTimeNow

I was referred to group therapy years ago and my GP even said before he told me - you're going to hate this but... Of course I gave him the no way face. It was one of the best things I ever did, I'd much prefer it over one to one counselling now. Just thought I'd post in case it changes your mind some. Good luck with your journey and welcome

DrunkenBob

Group therapy is probably the one thing I could see myself flipping on and deciding to give it a try.

The one that is recommended by my doctor is not feasible for reasons I cannot go into here.

I tried AA and didn't find it appealing in the least.

Perhaps when my work slows down a bit - generally towards Christmas - I could check myself into another program.

Thanks for the guidance!

FatallyUncool

Thank you for posting and for your honesty. Posting here and working this stuff out is a huge step!

Most of us had to commit to doing whatever it takes to get clean. Doing things that are uncomfortable or that I don't want to do in order to improve and change my life indicates growth. I am learning this verrrry sloooowly.

It is a journey for each of us and it is rarely a straight line. Keep going and keep paying attention to what works and what doesn't.

Nuudawn

Hey DB...just wanted to add that the counsellor I see bi-weekly has been an integral part of my recovery. I did not initially start seeing her over alcohol (in hindsight, it was likely the root of the issue that brought me there). Just thought I'd throw that in the bucket of possible tools.

DrunkenBob

Approaching my first Friday evening :-)

Going cold turkey tonight. Even told the wife upfront. Perhaps that will help.

Hit the gym now hard and long. Hoping THAT will help.

Don't need this sh*t!

drunkyjules

You can do it Bob. You are taking great steps towards sobriety. Not everyone follows the same path.......

SargeantPepper

Hey bob...hope you made it through your Friday night better than I did...I gave in to the beast...please don't ask me how much I drank.

deeker

How many attempts have you made alone in the past? Just curious

Anything you put before your recovery you will most likely lose.

Nuudawn

I anxiously await your update DB! Huge kudos to you for going cold turkey!

EndGameNYC

My last "hiccup" lead to a three-year nightmare of drinking-around-the clock, leaving myself for dead, ending in hopelessness and tears. I stayed sober for twenty five years before I relapsed, only to learn again that I cannot do this on my own or with conditions attached to my recovery.

Taking5

Dump those OTC sleeping aids, they are hurting your efforts, JMHO.

Good luck.