lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 17
lonely
Things have been going really well lately, But I always have this lonely feeling,
I feel a sence of disconnect from everyone.
I really have no one to tlk to, I try and tlk with my spouse but I may as well just bang my head against a wall.
I've been so focused on our life, family work and ext. I've neglected my other relationships.
I feel lonely yet at the same time, I feel so overwhelmed that I want isolation,
I go through each day roboticly doing the daily routine.
Then I guess it catches up to me......
I feel a sence of disconnect from everyone.
I really have no one to tlk to, I try and tlk with my spouse but I may as well just bang my head against a wall.
I've been so focused on our life, family work and ext. I've neglected my other relationships.
I feel lonely yet at the same time, I feel so overwhelmed that I want isolation,
I go through each day roboticly doing the daily routine.
Then I guess it catches up to me......
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Sally, I am sorry you are feeling so disconnected.
Feeling too overwhelmed to even deal with people?
That is awful. I have felt like that before, when I last had
an "episode" with my depressive disorder.
Have you been able to talk to a doctor about this?
I understand that you somehow know your husband cannot or will not "hear" you.
The doctor will hear everything you say.
Have you ever been to a group meeting?
Al-Anon or the like.
Sally, I am probably over reacting about being depressed.
I am NOT a doctor,nor do I play one on TV or the interwebs.
Just those words, that is what an episode is to me.
Lonely, but unable to even talk to people.
Detached, but overwhelmed with what waits.
Really, saying hello and I hear you.
Beth
Feeling too overwhelmed to even deal with people?
That is awful. I have felt like that before, when I last had
an "episode" with my depressive disorder.
Have you been able to talk to a doctor about this?
I understand that you somehow know your husband cannot or will not "hear" you.
The doctor will hear everything you say.
Have you ever been to a group meeting?
Al-Anon or the like.
Sally, I am probably over reacting about being depressed.
I am NOT a doctor,nor do I play one on TV or the interwebs.
Just those words, that is what an episode is to me.
Lonely, but unable to even talk to people.
Detached, but overwhelmed with what waits.
Really, saying hello and I hear you.
Beth
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
Hey Sally...that's a normal reaction to the stress of being with an alcoholic. Youre really very alone, emotionally, and it's very stressful.
What I'm trying to say is that a sense of unreality is not an unusual reaction to the chaos of living with an alcoholic. Ive had that happen, so i know it feels really really uncomfortable. Dont ignore it, but try to breathe through it. It should subside on its own.
Do what you need to feel safe, and come here and post!!
Ha! I'm probably over-reacting too. I was identifying with what you said!! *Strongly* :P
What I'm trying to say is that a sense of unreality is not an unusual reaction to the chaos of living with an alcoholic. Ive had that happen, so i know it feels really really uncomfortable. Dont ignore it, but try to breathe through it. It should subside on its own.
Do what you need to feel safe, and come here and post!!
Ha! I'm probably over-reacting too. I was identifying with what you said!! *Strongly* :P
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Originally Posted by Sally2222 
Things have been going really well lately, But I always have this lonely feeling,
I feel a sence of disconnect from everyone.
I really have no one to tlk to, I try and tlk with my spouse but I may as well just bang my head against a wall.
I've been so focused on our life, family work and ext. I've neglected my other relationships.
I feel lonely yet at the same time, I feel so overwhelmed that I want isolation,
I go through each day roboticly doing the daily routine.
Then I guess it catches up to me......
I feel a sence of disconnect from everyone.
I really have no one to tlk to, I try and tlk with my spouse but I may as well just bang my head against a wall.
I've been so focused on our life, family work and ext. I've neglected my other relationships.
I feel lonely yet at the same time, I feel so overwhelmed that I want isolation,
I go through each day roboticly doing the daily routine.
Then I guess it catches up to me......
I need to tell you that I felt like this also. The loneliest I ever felt was when my ex was in the house. Yes, I tried to talk to him, there was just nothing there. I felt like I was talking to walls. Actually sometimes I felt like I had duct tape over my mouth and a straightjacket on.
I felt like I couldn't do or say anything. Then systematically I started to shut other people out. I was just so embarrassed to feel this way.
You found a great place here. There are many supportive people here. I'm glad that you are reaching out. It took me a long time to do that. Once you start to feel comfortable here tell us about you.
I really am sorry that you had to find this place, but I have to say, you found the right place. We are here for you.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 17
Thank you all for your replies.
To answer your questions, yes I have spoken to a Dr. and he agrees that I do suffer from a form of depression. He said it's not a chemical imbalance it's situational depression and this I have to say is true. I've dealt with these feelings off and on for many years.
I am aware when I feel this way and usualy go into self care.
To give you a little back ground about me. My A has been sober for 4 years now and we have really risin from the ashes.
He has never been one to comumicate verywell, doesn't like to tlk about anything real.
For a while he seemed to be trying and I felt much closer to him.
Then life happens, were so busy and have had alot of highly stressful and emotional situations that came up for us to deal with.
Family illnesses,
He keeps in close contact with his parents, I mean really close, they phone each other several times aday. And drop by our work place several times during the week.
I find this too much, although I respect that they are elderly this is how they have always been. I resent the fact that they inject themselves so much into our lives.
It really takes away from my relationship with my husband and family.
When ever they call I usualy try to avoid the phone and let my husband answer it because it's several times through out the day, every day.
And what can I say to him? I've nicly made some comments but nothing will ever change this. And Im ashamed to say but I hate to see them come. This leads to me having to put on an act to cover up my true feelings. This also leads to me being disconected. There smothering me and I want to run for the hills. On the same token I feel ashamed for feeling this way. They are elderly and what a troll I am or would be for saying anything so nasty.
So that's One of the reasons.........Im sure theres more to be continued.
To answer your questions, yes I have spoken to a Dr. and he agrees that I do suffer from a form of depression. He said it's not a chemical imbalance it's situational depression and this I have to say is true. I've dealt with these feelings off and on for many years.
I am aware when I feel this way and usualy go into self care.
To give you a little back ground about me. My A has been sober for 4 years now and we have really risin from the ashes.
He has never been one to comumicate verywell, doesn't like to tlk about anything real.
For a while he seemed to be trying and I felt much closer to him.
Then life happens, were so busy and have had alot of highly stressful and emotional situations that came up for us to deal with.
Family illnesses,
He keeps in close contact with his parents, I mean really close, they phone each other several times aday. And drop by our work place several times during the week.
I find this too much, although I respect that they are elderly this is how they have always been. I resent the fact that they inject themselves so much into our lives.
It really takes away from my relationship with my husband and family.
When ever they call I usualy try to avoid the phone and let my husband answer it because it's several times through out the day, every day.
And what can I say to him? I've nicly made some comments but nothing will ever change this. And Im ashamed to say but I hate to see them come. This leads to me having to put on an act to cover up my true feelings. This also leads to me being disconected. There smothering me and I want to run for the hills. On the same token I feel ashamed for feeling this way. They are elderly and what a troll I am or would be for saying anything so nasty.
So that's One of the reasons.........Im sure theres more to be continued.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Hi Sally,
The situation with your RAH's parents sounds enmeshed to me. I can see him speaking to them once a day if they are elderly and need to check in, but 2-3 times is a lot. That would bother me too.
About the loneliness, I often feel that way. I always have ever since I was little. For me, I think it's my codependency, and the fact that I am always looking to others to complete me, that causes it. Of course no one can ever complete me so I consequently always feel lonely.
With recovery I am getting better at not looking to others, but at the same time, I have had to let a couple of significant friendships go because the friends were really unhealthy. So now I am often lonely just because there is no one around to talk to sometimes. I think loneliness is like depression; it can be situational or intrinsic, and I've got a little of both going on.
It sounds like you are really busy, but is there a class or something you could go to? Or maybe some kind of volunteer group you could join? I feel like anything you could do to break up your routine and be around new people could help you.
Please keep posting.
The situation with your RAH's parents sounds enmeshed to me. I can see him speaking to them once a day if they are elderly and need to check in, but 2-3 times is a lot. That would bother me too.
About the loneliness, I often feel that way. I always have ever since I was little. For me, I think it's my codependency, and the fact that I am always looking to others to complete me, that causes it. Of course no one can ever complete me so I consequently always feel lonely.
With recovery I am getting better at not looking to others, but at the same time, I have had to let a couple of significant friendships go because the friends were really unhealthy. So now I am often lonely just because there is no one around to talk to sometimes. I think loneliness is like depression; it can be situational or intrinsic, and I've got a little of both going on.
It sounds like you are really busy, but is there a class or something you could go to? Or maybe some kind of volunteer group you could join? I feel like anything you could do to break up your routine and be around new people could help you.
Please keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
Sally. . .I am divorced now but having the same exact feelings, depression & disconnect. My ex too put his family first & very close. . .I used to tell him I was at the bottom of the list then I wasn't even on the list anymore. Very normal. . .you are being neglected and it rolls into other relationships where you get afraid to connect for fear of same thing. I am sorry I have no suggestions to help as I am in the same boat but I feel your pain & depression very deeply.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
He said it's not a chemical imbalance it's situational depression and this I have to say is true. I've dealt with these feelings off and on for many years.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
Originally Posted by DreamsofSerenity
Hi Sally,
The situation with your RAH's parents sounds enmeshed to me. I can see him speaking to them once a day if they are elderly and need to check in, but 2-3 times is a lot. That would bother me too.
About the loneliness, I often feel that way. I always have ever since I was little. For me, I think it's my codependency, and the fact that I am always looking to others to complete me, that causes it. Of course no one can ever complete me so I consequently always feel lonely.
With recovery I am getting better at not looking to others, but at the same time, I have had to let a couple of significant friendships go because the friends were really unhealthy. So now I am often lonely just because there is no one around to talk to sometimes. I think loneliness is like depression; it can be situational or intrinsic, and I've got a little of both going on.
It sounds like you are really busy, but is there a class or something you could go to? Or maybe some kind of volunteer group you could join? I feel like anything you could do to break up your routine and be around new people could help you.
Please keep posting.
The situation with your RAH's parents sounds enmeshed to me. I can see him speaking to them once a day if they are elderly and need to check in, but 2-3 times is a lot. That would bother me too.
About the loneliness, I often feel that way. I always have ever since I was little. For me, I think it's my codependency, and the fact that I am always looking to others to complete me, that causes it. Of course no one can ever complete me so I consequently always feel lonely.
With recovery I am getting better at not looking to others, but at the same time, I have had to let a couple of significant friendships go because the friends were really unhealthy. So now I am often lonely just because there is no one around to talk to sometimes. I think loneliness is like depression; it can be situational or intrinsic, and I've got a little of both going on.
It sounds like you are really busy, but is there a class or something you could go to? Or maybe some kind of volunteer group you could join? I feel like anything you could do to break up your routine and be around new people could help you.
Please keep posting.
I agree, it's a good idea to find some activities/groups to get involved in. But it does take time and showing up consistently before you start to see results.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Originally Posted by Argnotthisagain
I have a tough time with depression, isolation and lonliness too. At least I don't feel so....alone about it, knowing I'm not the only one.
I agree, it's a good idea to find some activities/groups to get involved in. But it does take time and showing up consistently before you start to see results.
I had another thought: do you have any pets? I have cats and they really make me much happier.
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