ChefConnie

I have just found this site after many have recommended I find a group to join. My husband is in reab for the 3rd time and is due to come home on Friday. I am very hopeful once again he will continue to make good choices. He is 68 years old and this time he is physically in poor shape. He weighed only 100 lbs upon admission. I am not sure what my role now is....because he has relapsed before. I am never going to leave him....I love him so much....so what to I do now....

Nuudawn

Hi Connie...I believe your role is to get support for you..and coming here is doing that. There is so much resource and wisdom on this website. The Friends & Family Forum will likely have a lot more souls facing what you are facing. It helps us all in Recovery to find others that we resonate with...know our pain..and compassionate ears help us heal.

Bright blessings to you and your husband.

mecanix

Hey ChefConnie,

I've got no wisdom or advice to offer but just wanted to say hello and welcome

Bestwishes, m

DrSober

I second Nuudawn's advice to seek support on the Family & Friends Forum. Also, I raised my eyebrows a bit as you say you will "never" leave your addicted spouse.

Love doesn't mean you love someone to death. One of the best things my wife did for me recently was clearly spell out to me that if I ever used again, she would take the kids and leave. It was unpleasant to hear and scary, but on another level, I completely appreciated her saying it. I wouldn't want her to love me, literally, to death. I don't think she'd want the same from me either.

visch1

Welcome Chef. I think it good to stand by your loved one, however The family of addicts are hurting as much as the addict and need serious help and guidance. Great help is available at Al Anon with world wide flesh meetings and here on SR at Friends and family.
BE WELL

Nuudawn

I am reminded of something Wiliam Shatner (love that crazy fool) said about his late wife..who died of alcoholism.

He said that when he was advised that he should go to Al-anon to learn to deal with his wife's drinking, he said "I don't want to learn to deal with my wife's drinking, I want her to stop drinking!!"

Louise82

Welcome to SR, Connie. I commend you for supporting your husband and listening to others' recommendations by joining here. I agree it's important for you to look after you. Get as much support as you can from the Friends & Family section and "face-to-face" groups like Al-Anon.

ChefConnie

thanks everyone....I have spent the last 35 days taking care of me. I had a wonderful restful 4th of July with my family, had doctor, dentist and eye doctor visits, and have kept in constant contact with my wonderful grandchildren. I think the grandchildren's impending visit in August wast the final straw that made my husband want to get sober. He knew if he was not able to function when the grandchildren came, they would never come again. I had quit scolding, begging, and getting mad about the drinking. We had become very isolated because no one wanted to be around him. I said I would never leave him because I take my marriage vows very seriously. I felt like he was sick and I would never leave him if he had cancer, so I needed to stand by him thorough this illness also. While I learned a lot in the first 2 reahabs about not being an enabler, I still feel like I have a lot to learn. I am disappointed that his treatment did not include a family component like the other 2 did, but I will seek some help through Al Anon as everyone has suggested.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Connie -m there's some great suggestions here and I know you'll find support

D

MIRecovery

start going to Al Anon meetings you'll be surrounded by people who understand and can give you great advice

visch1

Seems to have control issues and is not aware that WE cannot get anyone sober or DRUNK. BE WELL