I'm new and I'm scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 19
I'm new and I'm scared
Hello,
First off, I wanted to say that I have been reading posts on here for the past couple of days, and I think everyone on here has loads of helpful information and support to offer. Just reading the posts have been helpful, so "thanks".
However, reading some of the posts have also been scary to me, since I see many similarities/like-minded thinking within myself. I found this site/forum because I Googled "how do I know if i'm an alcoholic"...and now here I am.
I googled that statement on Monday morning during a pretty bad hangover. I began drinking on Sunday afternoon with my boyfriend after we went grocery shopping (had to reward myself for being so productive). Anyhow, a "few beers" in the afternoon turned into a twelve pack AND an 18 pack between the two of us, and half a fifth of vodka for me to top it all off. While I have been a binge drinker for quite some time (since I was 17, I'm 33 now), the thing that was different this time was that I truly did not mean to drink that much or get that drunk...but I COULD NOT STOP MYSELF.
My drinking has become like this more and more every time I drink. I drink way more than I "want" to, and I've become more and more verbally abusive to my boyfriend and/or emotional (crying spells, threats to kill myself). In short, drinking has become less fun (like it used to be) and more isolating. I basically don't go out anymore. My boyfriend and I sit in the house all weekend (and a night or two during the week for me) and get wasted. What a life.
I want to stop drinking, but I'm scared to. It has been such a part of my life for so long (and a part of my relationship as well), that it's hard to see my life without it. I'm not sure I am an alcoholic, but I know I am an alcohol abuser, as is my boyfriend. We have recently tried to "moderate" by only drinking on the weekends, but I have been unable to stick to it (he has). How do I stop drinking, if he continues? I don't want to break up with him...he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with...I love him. What do I do?
Thanks for reading...any help and support will be welcomed.
First off, I wanted to say that I have been reading posts on here for the past couple of days, and I think everyone on here has loads of helpful information and support to offer. Just reading the posts have been helpful, so "thanks".
However, reading some of the posts have also been scary to me, since I see many similarities/like-minded thinking within myself. I found this site/forum because I Googled "how do I know if i'm an alcoholic"...and now here I am.
I googled that statement on Monday morning during a pretty bad hangover. I began drinking on Sunday afternoon with my boyfriend after we went grocery shopping (had to reward myself for being so productive). Anyhow, a "few beers" in the afternoon turned into a twelve pack AND an 18 pack between the two of us, and half a fifth of vodka for me to top it all off. While I have been a binge drinker for quite some time (since I was 17, I'm 33 now), the thing that was different this time was that I truly did not mean to drink that much or get that drunk...but I COULD NOT STOP MYSELF.
My drinking has become like this more and more every time I drink. I drink way more than I "want" to, and I've become more and more verbally abusive to my boyfriend and/or emotional (crying spells, threats to kill myself). In short, drinking has become less fun (like it used to be) and more isolating. I basically don't go out anymore. My boyfriend and I sit in the house all weekend (and a night or two during the week for me) and get wasted. What a life.
I want to stop drinking, but I'm scared to. It has been such a part of my life for so long (and a part of my relationship as well), that it's hard to see my life without it. I'm not sure I am an alcoholic, but I know I am an alcohol abuser, as is my boyfriend. We have recently tried to "moderate" by only drinking on the weekends, but I have been unable to stick to it (he has). How do I stop drinking, if he continues? I don't want to break up with him...he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with...I love him. What do I do?
Thanks for reading...any help and support will be welcomed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
My sobriety isn't based on another's. I recommend AA.
Start by calling your local hotline
and set up going to a meeting with person(s) who do "12th" step work.
Your questions will be answered in time.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
You say you can't see yourself living without drinking but the behavior you describe doesn't sound like you're having fun drinking. Why don't you give it up for three months and see how you feel then. And get sober for yourself, no matter what you're bf does.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
It sounds like your relationship is in danger if you keep drinking... crying jags and suicide threats are not good for the health of your partnership.
I agree with least, give it a three month trial run. That's what I did and by the time the three months was up I was starting to understand just how much better my life could be.
I still hang out with my friends, I go to parties, etc... and I have fun being sober.
It is possible if you want it enough!
I agree with least, give it a three month trial run. That's what I did and by the time the three months was up I was starting to understand just how much better my life could be.
I still hang out with my friends, I go to parties, etc... and I have fun being sober.
It is possible if you want it enough!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hello..and welcome. I am so troubled that people get all muddled up in the word "alcoholic". It's like they need to meet their own definition of the word before they can stop (and sometimes that definition is a really, really low, low bottom..like losing everything). You want to stop and you're scared you can't. You've tried to moderate ..and you can't.
Here's your SR membership hon...you meet the criteria.
Here's your SR membership hon...you meet the criteria.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Hi and welcome to SR.
Yes, the thought of giving up alcohol was scary for me too. I'd drunk for the whole of my adult life, my husband and all my friends drank and I just couldn't visualise my life without it.
It sounds to me like your relationship is in trouble anyway with over-emotional drunken scenes. I've been there. I've also woken up in the mornings with that anxious...'what the F happened last night?' feeling, knowing that we'd fallen out, that one or both of us had behaved badly but not being able to remember the details. I hated living like that.
I just wanted to say, don't be scared. Talk to your partner. My guess is he's unhappy with the way things happen when you've been drinking too.
But life without drinking is possible and it is BETTER. Honestly it is!
Keep posting and reading. Good to have you with us x
Yes, the thought of giving up alcohol was scary for me too. I'd drunk for the whole of my adult life, my husband and all my friends drank and I just couldn't visualise my life without it.
It sounds to me like your relationship is in trouble anyway with over-emotional drunken scenes. I've been there. I've also woken up in the mornings with that anxious...'what the F happened last night?' feeling, knowing that we'd fallen out, that one or both of us had behaved badly but not being able to remember the details. I hated living like that.
I just wanted to say, don't be scared. Talk to your partner. My guess is he's unhappy with the way things happen when you've been drinking too.
But life without drinking is possible and it is BETTER. Honestly it is!
Keep posting and reading. Good to have you with us x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: MA
Posts: 13
" I began drinking on Sunday afternoon with my boyfriend after we went grocery shopping (had to reward myself for being so productive)."
I am the same way.. If I do anything remotely productive it's reward time! And the reward is always booze. That is the HARDEST time for me not to drink...
Well good luck to you and I hope you find a way out!
I am the same way.. If I do anything remotely productive it's reward time! And the reward is always booze. That is the HARDEST time for me not to drink...
Well good luck to you and I hope you find a way out!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi and welcome SgtPepper
I'm willing to bet there wasn't one of us here who wasn't scared...who didn't want to change...who just wanted to control their drinking.
The fact is...we can't control our drinking...we've proved that and the longer we drink the worse the consequences get.
There is a happy and healthy life on the other side of this...noone would stay in recovery if they felt they lost out on the deal
Drinking wrought a lot of changes in me - sober I rediscovered the real me again.
It's good to be able to look myself in the eyes in the mirror again
D
I'm willing to bet there wasn't one of us here who wasn't scared...who didn't want to change...who just wanted to control their drinking.
The fact is...we can't control our drinking...we've proved that and the longer we drink the worse the consequences get.
There is a happy and healthy life on the other side of this...noone would stay in recovery if they felt they lost out on the deal
Drinking wrought a lot of changes in me - sober I rediscovered the real me again.
It's good to be able to look myself in the eyes in the mirror again
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 15
Although I deviate from the norm, I also try to be a "successful drinker", and moderate usage. It's difficult, because after several, your thinking becomes altered.
The best luck I've had is having limited quantities on hand, and refusing to purchase more when that was consumed. It's a mixed bag, though, because even my best plans fail, at times, and I end up doing other substances or drinking too much.
I've decided since this is a recurrent problem for me, I will eventually give up drink all together.
The best luck I've had is having limited quantities on hand, and refusing to purchase more when that was consumed. It's a mixed bag, though, because even my best plans fail, at times, and I end up doing other substances or drinking too much.
I've decided since this is a recurrent problem for me, I will eventually give up drink all together.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Quit. You can do it!! And you can do it regardless of whether your boyfriend does or not.
Your story sounds similar to mine, binge drinking since high school and I quit at 25, but started drinking off/on in my early 30s. I too starting living a life that centered around going out for drinks, losing control over how much I had, and recovering from hangovers. Now I'm 35 and sober again for 63 days!
You can't see it now but you will be amazed at how many changes you'll see in your life, for the better. It's ah-may-zing!! But don't take it from me, you will see it for yourself if you quit just one day at a time.
Your story sounds similar to mine, binge drinking since high school and I quit at 25, but started drinking off/on in my early 30s. I too starting living a life that centered around going out for drinks, losing control over how much I had, and recovering from hangovers. Now I'm 35 and sober again for 63 days!
You can't see it now but you will be amazed at how many changes you'll see in your life, for the better. It's ah-may-zing!! But don't take it from me, you will see it for yourself if you quit just one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 142
Hi SargeantPepper - your situation sounds VERY similar to mine when I was 33 although I was married.
Alcohol actually became part of our relationship. We did less. We drank more. We drank more frequently and we did even less.
Our schedules became based around drinking. Now at 41 - it's ingrained into our lives.
My advice to you (how silly of me to be giving advice on my first day here) is to get a hold of this now and get it OUT of your lives - together. Like others have mentioned take 30 or 90 days and totally eliminate it as scary as that sounds.
One thing is for sure - if you don't I would be VERY surprised if your few times a week doesn't become 7 days a week like it did for us.
Wish you the best!
Alcohol actually became part of our relationship. We did less. We drank more. We drank more frequently and we did even less.
Our schedules became based around drinking. Now at 41 - it's ingrained into our lives.
My advice to you (how silly of me to be giving advice on my first day here) is to get a hold of this now and get it OUT of your lives - together. Like others have mentioned take 30 or 90 days and totally eliminate it as scary as that sounds.
One thing is for sure - if you don't I would be VERY surprised if your few times a week doesn't become 7 days a week like it did for us.
Wish you the best!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome SP. I'm so glad you joined us.
I was so afraid to let go of it that I held on to it for 30 yrs. In my heart I knew it was going to destroy me - but I let myself become totally dependent on it. This won't be you - you know what has to be done. It feels strange in the beginning, but each day you'll feel a little better. You will have a beautiful new life - you don't need that poison. Congratulations on making the decision to stop. You'll never regret it.
I was so afraid to let go of it that I held on to it for 30 yrs. In my heart I knew it was going to destroy me - but I let myself become totally dependent on it. This won't be you - you know what has to be done. It feels strange in the beginning, but each day you'll feel a little better. You will have a beautiful new life - you don't need that poison. Congratulations on making the decision to stop. You'll never regret it.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi SargeantPepper
You've come to the right place! Are you surprised how many people are telling you that your story sounds much like theirs? I was next in line to tell you the same.
The grace of this place is that you have people who are still questioning if they have a problem, those who have accepted and are working on maintaining sobriety, and the old timers who have been at this for a long time. There's great advice from everyone.
That and a great group of people who genuinely care about you. We've all been where you are and we've all done the same questioning.
Stick around and read, I'm glad that you found this place
You've come to the right place! Are you surprised how many people are telling you that your story sounds much like theirs? I was next in line to tell you the same.
The grace of this place is that you have people who are still questioning if they have a problem, those who have accepted and are working on maintaining sobriety, and the old timers who have been at this for a long time. There's great advice from everyone.
That and a great group of people who genuinely care about you. We've all been where you are and we've all done the same questioning.
Stick around and read, I'm glad that you found this place
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
My drinking got to the "I sit in my house and drink all weekend" point in my early thirties. By late thirties it spilled over into the week, it was like my second, part-time job. Get home from work and start working on that six pack of pounders.
Still held down a job all that time but I could see things slipping; started getting ahead of my sick day allocation; sometimes raggedly hung over on Monday mornings. Just a few from a long list of many reasons to quit drinking.
Have you heard it's progressive? Was for me, sounds like it was for DrunkenBob (above), and sounds like it has been for you. I don't have the crystal ball but it kind of makes ya stop and think for a minute.
Still held down a job all that time but I could see things slipping; started getting ahead of my sick day allocation; sometimes raggedly hung over on Monday mornings. Just a few from a long list of many reasons to quit drinking.
Have you heard it's progressive? Was for me, sounds like it was for DrunkenBob (above), and sounds like it has been for you. I don't have the crystal ball but it kind of makes ya stop and think for a minute.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 19
Thanks, everyone for the words of support and encouragement.
Fantail...yes, I think my relationship will be in jeopardy if I continue drinking. ALL of the fights that we've had in the past two years have been when I or both of us had been drinking.
Jeni...I know exactly what you mean..."what the F happened last night??" I've woken up many mornings wondering if my bf was mad at me b/c I had said something that was hurtful when I was drunk, but I didn't remember. I hate that feeling of shame and guilt in the morning.
Nuudawn...I hope I didn't offend you, or anyone else here with the "alcoholic" comment. I certainly didn't mean to. I guess I'm still hung up on the stigma attached to that word. But, I guess I can't run from it any longer...I am an alcoholic.
NotmyrealName...I too have been able to hold down a job through all this time. I am well-educated and have a Master's degree. However, I too came into work this year horribly hungover every Monday morning (as well as a day during the week). That's the worst. I find myself overcompensating at work to show that my hangover would not compromise my work performance. In my mind I could rationalize it.."See, drinking makes me a better employee!" Jeez..how sick.
The good news is, last night my bf came home from work with a twelve pack....AND I DID NOT HAVE ANY! Boy, did I want one...but I abstained. I feel really great today! I don't think I could have done it without having come clean with myself and with you guys about my addiction. Thank you all!!!!
Fantail...yes, I think my relationship will be in jeopardy if I continue drinking. ALL of the fights that we've had in the past two years have been when I or both of us had been drinking.
Jeni...I know exactly what you mean..."what the F happened last night??" I've woken up many mornings wondering if my bf was mad at me b/c I had said something that was hurtful when I was drunk, but I didn't remember. I hate that feeling of shame and guilt in the morning.
Nuudawn...I hope I didn't offend you, or anyone else here with the "alcoholic" comment. I certainly didn't mean to. I guess I'm still hung up on the stigma attached to that word. But, I guess I can't run from it any longer...I am an alcoholic.
NotmyrealName...I too have been able to hold down a job through all this time. I am well-educated and have a Master's degree. However, I too came into work this year horribly hungover every Monday morning (as well as a day during the week). That's the worst. I find myself overcompensating at work to show that my hangover would not compromise my work performance. In my mind I could rationalize it.."See, drinking makes me a better employee!" Jeez..how sick.
The good news is, last night my bf came home from work with a twelve pack....AND I DID NOT HAVE ANY! Boy, did I want one...but I abstained. I feel really great today! I don't think I could have done it without having come clean with myself and with you guys about my addiction. Thank you all!!!!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by SargeantPepper 
Nuudawn...I hope I didn't offend you, or anyone else here with the "alcoholic" comment. I certainly didn't mean to. I guess I'm still hung up on the stigma attached to that word. But, I guess I can't run from it any longer...I am an alcoholic.
So glad you're here!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by SargeantPepper
Nuudawn....lol a "soberist"! I like that term...I'm going to use it, if you don't mind. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Im so happy that you found us.
I was very afraid to admit to myself that I was an alcoholic. This word means so much to people. It's frightening. What is more frightening, is living a life that is filled with hangovers, regret, anxiety, lack of control etc.
Removing alcohol was the best thing that I have ever done for myself. I feel free. I did not feel this when drinking. I have a life that I am living. This is far from what i was previously doing. You can do this. It is well worth the effort.
I was very afraid to admit to myself that I was an alcoholic. This word means so much to people. It's frightening. What is more frightening, is living a life that is filled with hangovers, regret, anxiety, lack of control etc.
Removing alcohol was the best thing that I have ever done for myself. I feel free. I did not feel this when drinking. I have a life that I am living. This is far from what i was previously doing. You can do this. It is well worth the effort.
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