Change of place
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Change of place
Day 3 after my relapse and I came to a place to see family and do some yardwork. So maybe sweating in the sun all day will help me avoid a relapse. Still feeling bad and cannot sleep and panic stricken. Trying to feel normal.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
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Hey Ache...so glad to see you today. Please try not to dwell on the relapse other than to pluck out what you can change the next time you are overwhelmed with disappointment or stress. You lost a battle...not the war.
Just a Sober ******* Now
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: S.IN
Posts: 150
Dawn stole my analogy. I wanted to use the "battle/war" one. But it's true. Takes a big person to admit to having a problem. Takes a MUCH bigger person to slip and pick themselves right back up and keep on trudging. My hat's off to you, man! Keep at it.
for getting back on the sober bike . Member
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Thank you guys. I have been listening to a lot of AA speaker tapes since I cannot sleep. It hurts me so much that I drank and humiliated myself after feeling good and working hard. I just feel like I wasted my time. I cannot even think clearly because I got so drunk. I just want to hide in bed and never go back to where I live because I am so embarrassed. Tears are flowing like wine. No wonder I do not have any friends, everyone thinks I am a worthless drunk. The guilt and fear has never been this bad, I want to be a normal person and not the lunatic falling down drunk out of his mind with rage and loneliness.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 119
hey,
i read what you just wrote above. i can't say that falling to sleep with AA speaker tapes is the answer if this is your reaction.
i can say that after a personal relapse, it takes me a few days.
you need to make taking care of your self in health a priority, no if/and/buts about it, and things can move a long much quicker.
i feel you've mentioned many of the symptoms that i have if i drink and stop.
please stop and don't put yourself through this again or do and keep wasting your life away!
i read what you just wrote above. i can't say that falling to sleep with AA speaker tapes is the answer if this is your reaction.
i can say that after a personal relapse, it takes me a few days.
you need to make taking care of your self in health a priority, no if/and/buts about it, and things can move a long much quicker.
i feel you've mentioned many of the symptoms that i have if i drink and stop.
please stop and don't put yourself through this again or do and keep wasting your life away!
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
acheleus...
try to be gentle on yourself. you got back up and you can keep going. one moment at a time...
do whatever it takes, and know that you're not alone. i'm sending you some extra peace and strength today, friend.
try to be gentle on yourself. you got back up and you can keep going. one moment at a time...
do whatever it takes, and know that you're not alone. i'm sending you some extra peace and strength today, friend.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Acheleus,
You may feel worthless and all that but it's not true. I know because I've felt like that too. I have to really watch my thoughts. Watch...not control. Just let them float in and out as they please. Just because I think it doesn't mean I am it. What I actually do is more important. I practiced doing a lot of the opposite of what I really wanted to do at first.
Hang in there friend. You so deserve to feel what we all see. A kind and good person who is trying so hard to be better. If you can't see it now try and trust us. We will help till you can see it. That's what everyone did for me.
(((Hug)))
You may feel worthless and all that but it's not true. I know because I've felt like that too. I have to really watch my thoughts. Watch...not control. Just let them float in and out as they please. Just because I think it doesn't mean I am it. What I actually do is more important. I practiced doing a lot of the opposite of what I really wanted to do at first.
Hang in there friend. You so deserve to feel what we all see. A kind and good person who is trying so hard to be better. If you can't see it now try and trust us. We will help till you can see it. That's what everyone did for me.
(((Hug)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Feel better this morning. Went to the beach and rodemy bike. Made green beans with tomatoes, gonna go swimming in pool and ocean. Where I was living at school made me feel horrible. I actually feel strong again. Going to remember my 43 days were not erased. Thank you everyone on SR.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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I don't count my days Achelus. I have at times but its not that important to me. What is important is my growth in sobriety. I've been living a life of growth and mind repair for about 6 weeks...little more than. The days have little to do with my motivation. My life and growth and strength of mind is my motivation. Although I wince when I've heard "relapse is part of the journey" (because my addictive mind can make that a get-out-of jail free card) it really, really can be part of the growing process. What did drinking solve? Nothing other than an excuse for your self loathing to go to town and have a bloody field day! I know an Addictions Counsellor who HATES the whole AA birthday celebration stuff...says there's nothing in the BB about that. I don't know the BB well enough to back that up. This is a matter of self improvement and sometimes we take steps backwards before we step further. I, for one, am smoking right now..not proud of it. But I've been chained to the Nicotine patch off and on for almost 3 years (ya not working obviously!!). I tear it off and smoke sometimes. I erroneously thought I only did that when I was drinking. NOPE. I have made a DR appointment for friday to get a Champix prescription. Because it's time for a new solution. Smoking is affecting my health..and I hate it. Just a week of smoking and yesterday I was out of breath after lifting and carrying something I do all the time. It doesn't affect my mind like alcohol so I justify that..but I'm still going to quit again..cuz I want to break my addiction chains. I hate that I buggered up my brain chemistry so bad BUT ah well...I did it...cuz I honestly didn't know any better. I do now. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
You are right Nuudawn, relapse was a part of my journey and it was the what made me stop once and for all. My relapse was horrific and almost lethal, so when my clouded alcohol brain cleared a little I felt like the old 'this is the first day of the rest of your life'......
Grateful does not begin to describe.
ps. my girlfriend took the chantix to quit smoking and it turned her into a raving &*%^. Be sure to keep track of your emotions while on it.
Grateful does not begin to describe.
ps. my girlfriend took the chantix to quit smoking and it turned her into a raving &*%^. Be sure to keep track of your emotions while on it.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Ohta 
ps. my girlfriend took the chantix to quit smoking and it turned her into a raving &*%^. Be sure to keep track of your emotions while on it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 119
Nuudawn, let's spark up the smoking section on SR. i want to quit smoking too, it's so f'n awful.
Acheleus, why you ask us this about the days? Tell us how important the days are to YOU. there was for awhile helping me much the day count, then it got like a little here & there, while I was learning a lot and then i was wasting more time in this day count then was helpful for ME.
whenever i go to meetings and see people raise their hands and speak for honest day counts, i always find that encouraging. wanting to get there and share my day count is still encouraging for me. but don't trip over the cake when what's most important is your continued learning of recovery. and right now, it seems taking care of the basics, eating, sleeping, taking care of yourself, loving yourself right is of upmost importance.
i apologize if i found your question about day count seemed out of priority at the moment, but you can count that later, if it's important to you. just take care of your self now.
Acheleus, why you ask us this about the days? Tell us how important the days are to YOU. there was for awhile helping me much the day count, then it got like a little here & there, while I was learning a lot and then i was wasting more time in this day count then was helpful for ME.
whenever i go to meetings and see people raise their hands and speak for honest day counts, i always find that encouraging. wanting to get there and share my day count is still encouraging for me. but don't trip over the cake when what's most important is your continued learning of recovery. and right now, it seems taking care of the basics, eating, sleeping, taking care of yourself, loving yourself right is of upmost importance.
i apologize if i found your question about day count seemed out of priority at the moment, but you can count that later, if it's important to you. just take care of your self now.
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