My boyfriend overdosed last night...
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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My boyfriend overdosed last night...
I've been trying to help him for four years, never leaving his side -until about a few weeks ago, I did what many people advised me to do, which was end all contact. I for sure thought he hit a rock bottom when he told me how he didn't want to do drugs anymore, and that it wasn't worth it if he was going to lose everything. The day before yesterday, we kind of got in a fight over something so stupid as a movie and I told him, "I'm going to leave, I don't want to deal with this now." He's had a past of bad anger. He told me not to leave, but I did anyway. That night, I texted him "goodnight" and I got no response. In the four years we've been together, he's always responded..no matter what..but this time I thought he had already went to sleep or whatever. In the morning, I went to work as usual..and towards the end of my shift..I texted him three more times. He didn't answer. When I got off, I called him about 20 times...he didn't answer. At that point I KNEW something was wrong, I could feel it in my gut, I had an overwhelming naesaues feeling. I got to his house and the lock (you can only open from the inside) was locked...so I knew he was in there. I proceeded to bang on the door but no response. I tried to look through his window but all I could see was his back. He was hunched over in his chair in front of his TV. I called my friend to break in because ink we something was wrong and I knew I could not handle seeing him like that. He broke in and confirmed to me that he was gone. The medic said he had been like that overnight at least. Right now, my heart is completely broken..everything seems so surreal to me, I still can't believe it happened. All I want to do is sleep until I can't feel anymore. I have my friends that I can talk to, but they don't really understand what I'm going through..
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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tattoo90 - I am so sorry for your loss, also. I see you are still here on SR, so I hope you will find some easing of your pain while you are here. There is a discussion group for losses like you have just experienced.
Right now your guilt for your boyfriend's choice is showing in your post. Please know those thoughts are lies straight from hell and are meant to destroy you. In the coming days, my prayer for you is that you will come to see this as your boyfriends choice and his choice alone. You had a responsibility to yourself to protect yourself from the insanity of someone else's drug use/abuse/addiction before he did this and the same is true today even after this tragic event.
My father committed suicide when I was the tender age of 21. I had backed off from visiting my father because I was angry at my mother's intrusion into the father-daughter relationship. So I had both guilt and anger regarding my father's suicide. Years later my brother told me of his guilt because he had backed off from my father for some reason. But the reality is, my father's choice to do what he did was his choice.
As in the ingesting of drugs/alcohol, you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. And the same can be said for your boyfriend's overdose.
Keep coming back now and in the coming months. You may be more comfortable in the Discussion Board I mentioned earlier, but please keep coming back.
Sojourner
Right now your guilt for your boyfriend's choice is showing in your post. Please know those thoughts are lies straight from hell and are meant to destroy you. In the coming days, my prayer for you is that you will come to see this as your boyfriends choice and his choice alone. You had a responsibility to yourself to protect yourself from the insanity of someone else's drug use/abuse/addiction before he did this and the same is true today even after this tragic event.
My father committed suicide when I was the tender age of 21. I had backed off from visiting my father because I was angry at my mother's intrusion into the father-daughter relationship. So I had both guilt and anger regarding my father's suicide. Years later my brother told me of his guilt because he had backed off from my father for some reason. But the reality is, my father's choice to do what he did was his choice.
As in the ingesting of drugs/alcohol, you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. And the same can be said for your boyfriend's overdose.
Keep coming back now and in the coming months. You may be more comfortable in the Discussion Board I mentioned earlier, but please keep coming back.
Sojourner
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Very sorry for your loss Tattoo.
May he find the peace that eluded him here on earth.
I truly believe that if you find a quiet, peaceful place and close your eyes....you will hear his voice. And his voice will tell you that there was nothing you could have done and he is happy and at peace.
May he find the peace that eluded him here on earth.
I truly believe that if you find a quiet, peaceful place and close your eyes....you will hear his voice. And his voice will tell you that there was nothing you could have done and he is happy and at peace.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Western New York
Posts: 375
So sorry for your loss. Sojourner said it perfectly - "you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. And the same can be said for your boyfriend's overdose."
Hope in time you can find some peace, xoxo
Hope in time you can find some peace, xoxo
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I usually post in the other section of the forum, but I'm also an ACOA and lost my mother to an overdose three years ago... I can empathize with you. So sorry 
The situation surrounding my mom's death was similar to what you are going through with this... I cut off contact with her and she overdosed months later. So, it's easy to blame myself. I was her only child. She couldn't handle it when I cut off contact, etc. These thoughts go through my mind nearly everyday. It's something I'm learning to live with.
Anyway... I know you are overwhelmed right now, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.
The situation surrounding my mom's death was similar to what you are going through with this... I cut off contact with her and she overdosed months later. So, it's easy to blame myself. I was her only child. She couldn't handle it when I cut off contact, etc. These thoughts go through my mind nearly everyday. It's something I'm learning to live with. Anyway... I know you are overwhelmed right now, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Tattoo - may the peace that envelopes him now as he steps into the Light and the next even more beautiful part of his journey, be like a salve to the wound on your heart.
You are not to blame. You are not at fault.
Blessings.
You are not to blame. You are not at fault.
Blessings.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
Tattoo - may the peace that envelopes him now as he steps into the Light and the next even more beautiful part of his journey, be like a salve to the wound on your heart.
You are not to blame. You are not at fault.
Blessings.
You are not to blame. You are not at fault.
Blessings.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Tattoo, I am sending you big hugs and lots of peace in the coming days. Over time, the pain will fade and the good memories will be easier to live with without feeling such tremendous loss. Take care of yourself, please. Get to a NarAnon meeting if you can, read comforting books, take walks in nature, long bubble baths, etc.
I am so glad you posted and hope you find all the ongoing love and support you need here and elsewhere.
I am so glad you posted and hope you find all the ongoing love and support you need here and elsewhere.
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