OneNightAWeek

I was wondering if it is normal when you first find out about a drug problem with your husband to read a lot and start fearing the worst? Im trying to learn so I can make good choices. I have been reading here, on some other websites, talked to an addiction specialist, read literature from him. I have been planning to try a meeting but cant work out the times when they are offered close to where we live yet. Im asking because it seems like my fear that my husband could have an addiction, or it could progress to an addiction is making me think about major changes to my life. I have been working part time for a few months now, and Im thinking about going back full time. I was planning to finish my masters degree only two semesters left. I recently found out I am pregnant, and I feel like these things are even more necessary to protect my child, but I also feel like Im taking on too much. any thoughts would be appreciated.

Redwoodgirl

I encourage you to trust your gut. I wish I had not ignored mine. I don't think people wonder about this unless there is cause to wonder. Maybe if he starts outpatient treatment now it will circumvent the process, and you could start meetings, as well. Good luck!

LoveMeNow

I personally think "hoping for the best but preparing for the worse"is the way to go. If anything, financial independence is a must...unless you have wealthy, overindulging father who is willing to help you.

I am kidding but most of us would find that to be very difficult and self esteem eroding. And of course I am not including any mother left abandoned with their child(s). They are truly blessed to have parents to help during their time of need.

AnvilheadII

ONAW, if it was discovered you had asbestos in your home, you'd be doing tons of research about it. if your prize roses developed black spot, you'd do research. if you discover your husband has a drug problem, you'd do research. it's the nature of the beast.

now you have a baby in the mix! and a bunch of decisions to make. you can't be expected to know what you don't know, and you can't be expected to learn everything in a week or a month. time takes time. what I suggest is that you focus on what this pending child will need (they are very expensive, messy, time consuming creatures, and motherhood lasts a lifetime), clearly define how you want to parent, what is important to you, YOUR vision....and then...........add in the AH. does he fit? he doesn't have a lot of time to get his sh*t together.....

you may need to recalibrate your plan. some stuff may need to go on hold. not dropped not abandoned, just delayed.........

Eve13

ONAW, one day at a time. Decide where you want to put your energy - mental, physical and spiritual. Work, school, pregnancy, concerns with spouse -that is a lot on anybody's plate. Perhaps your school has some on-line classes (or they will be willing to work with you) so you can continue to move forward with your degree, and the goal of financial security.

OneNightAWeek

Thank you everyone. I guess I just feel like there are a lot of uncertainties. I agree with the hope for the best, plan for the worst. I have this nagging feeling like he is using smaller amounts now and keeping it from me. I have no proof, and he is acting alright and treating me good. I am going to tell him soon that I have decided to go back to work full time, and I am going to tell him why. I know that wont go over good but truth is truth. He has caused me to doubt his stability, and made me fear relying so much on him. Never would have thought this a year ago.

incitingsilence

Uncertainly plays it’s own part, real or otherwise because the trust is lost. And not only in them, I think we lose trust in ourselves as well along the way.

Always remember that behavior is the best indicator of what is up. Even if they try to hide things, in time the truth will show. Time always reveals the truth