scarystuff

Today is day 1. I was here on SR yesterday posting, but to be honest I drank so so much on Friday and Saturday (everyday for the past few weeks really) that I can't really count Sunday as my day 1 of getting sober. I felt rotten and sick and probably still under the influence of the massive amounts of alcohol I have been drinking lately. I was too sick to leave the house. Too scared to look in the mirror. There was no chance of me getting to a meeting yesterday. But today is my real day 1. I hope to get myself to an AA meeting today. I hope I don't get nervous and back out at the last minute. I need to do this. Wish me luck.
I posted here on the site yesterday and it really helped me get through the day. Today I'm feeling a tiny bit better than I did yesterday, but I'm still feeling rotten. I can't wait for the day when I wake up feeling healthy and happy. And I pray that when the day comes that I do feel better, I don't forget that I'm an alcoholic. I don't want that life any more. I'm so tired of this sick cycle. AA meeting today, no matter what. It has to happen. I'm here posting now as a way to keep pushing myself to get better. No matter how nervous or scared I am, I am finding a meeting, I'm walking through the door, and I'm going to speak up and say that I need help.

LadyBlue0527

We're with you scarystuff! If I could find more ecstatic smilies and it would let me post more of them, I would!



YOU CAN DO THIS!

scarystuff

Thanks again LadyBlue

apophylite

What a great attitude, your asking for help, therefore you are ready for change. We are all rooting for you. Sobriety rocks, i am on day 13 and feel amazing Good luck, let us know how your meeting goes!

Ptcapote

Hi scarystuff, congratulations to you on making this step---you will not regret it. I never, ever thought life without my nightly bottle(s) of wine could ever be anything but torture but I have learned that not waking up hungover, sick, full of shame and panic, and looking like something the dog dragged in is actually kind of nice

As to AA, I was also so very nervous. I "stalked" the meetings by driving past in my car (I know, total weirdo alert) before ever getting up the nerve to walk in those doors. I am so, so glad I did. There's nothing to be nervous about at all. Now being on the other side of those doors for the past five months, I can tell you that no one really bats an eye when a newcomer arrives and almost all people are helpful. You won't have to speak if you don't want to. If you do, then you'll find acceptance and offers of help. I waited a couple of weeks and just listened because I was too scared to open my mouth but once I did, it got much, much easier. I am not religious at all but AA has been one of the two bedrocks of my sobriety (SR is the other) and I hope you find the same.

In either case, congratulations on deciding to quit the drink and please keep posting and let us know how your meeting went!

((Huge hug of support)))

scarystuff

Congrats on going 13 days! Hope I can do that too.

scarystuff

Hi Ptcapote. I'm a little nervous and excited about going to AA. To be honest, I did try going to AA about 12 years ago. I went to my first 2 meetings and they were both great experiences. However, I didn't speak up. I sat there in silence and I just listened. I was far too scared to speak up. I guess I'm shy without a drink or 2. Anyway, I listened, and I had felt right at home. I could relate to what people were saying, and it felt right. But like I said, I was too scared to speak up and tell someone "hey I'm an alcoholic and I need help".
Then I went to my 3rd meeting and had a totally different experience. Not all meetings are the same I guess. It was a completely different neighborhood and very different people. I just didn't feel the same. I didn't feel like I belonged for some reason. And I never went back to another meeting after that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really hope I find a meeting where I feel comfortable enough to speak up. I don't want blow this. Maybe once I start to speak up, I will start to feel more comfortable and I won't have to worry about finding meetings where I "fit in". I do feel kind of like a jerk for rejecting AA, just because I had 1 bad experience. I need to give it a chance to work.

Nuudawn

Soooooooooo glad you're back today Scary!! As far as the AA meeting, yup speak up. You will be talking to a whole room of people...just like you : )

And we're here too! Just keep on keepin' on one moment, one day at a time. Stay in the now...deal with the now...cuz that's all you got : )

Ptcapote

I hear you on being too nervous to speak without a drink. I spent my first couple of meetings thinking, "This would be so much easier if only I could slam a glass or two of wine first!" :p

I ended up trying three or four different meetings before I found the two that I go to every week now. A couple were far too relgious for me and while I appreciate the wisdom of the old-timers very much, one was comprised almost entirely of men who stopped drinking around the time the Vietnam war ended. As a newbie and a woman in her thirties, I felt a little...oh, I don't know, out of place? Silly, but it was a factor.

I rejected AA my first go too. Mostly because I was afraid I was going to be forced to convert and because I hadn't yet accepted that I was "that bad" yet. For me, AA was the true end of the line. You don't voluntarily walk in there unless you suspect you need to be there. There's sort of a finality of walking in those rooms. I think of it now as "surrender." No, not necessarily in the religious sense but definitely in the "yeah, my problem IS that bad and I can no longer control it or do it alone."

Anyway, just be open to trying a bunch of meetings if necessary. And don't worry, you simply cannot blow it. I promise.