Hope33

I received some news that my husband may be selling and I just don't know what to say. My gut was telling me he was using coke again, but I never thought he would do anything like this. A few years ago when he first started using he blew through all of his money. He stopped working and just started hanging out every night. Now I guess this time he's finding a way to use and keep money at the same time. It still amazes me how he's changed. I was so hopeful when he stopped using and started to get himself together. I started to see my old husband, but I guess I only had a glimpse of the old him. Now he's going back to where he started from except this time it's worst.

I am thankful that we are no longer live together. If what I heard is true there's no telling what could happen and I would be in trouble right along with him. I guess my husband is following in his father footsteps. His sister told me he chose drugs over having a family too.

BlueChair

Its so sad to hear something like this. You are probably lucky to be out of the house with him if he is selling drugs. My husband is in the hospital right now from being on cocaine run that lasted weeks. One of his friends was arrested for possession and I think distribution. It is a whole world that is foreign to me, and it seems very dark and dangerous. Keep yourself safe and in the light.

story74

Sometimes even when we feel it in our gut, it still is shocking, unbelievable, and heartbreaking.

I wonder sometimes what my X, who was also addicted to coke too, is doing now. I always wondered if the scum he was hanging out with was dealing in some form...who knows. Mine too had a father that did the same thing at the same age to his family. It is interesting, scary and sad. I have a son.

I am glad to hear that you are out of it and just hearing what is going on. I know it hurts. I miss the man he was before too. It is really hard to understand the power of drugs, but they are super powerful.

Blessings.

Ann

You are wise to keep a distance because indeed, you could be in trouble too.

Please be careful, he is in a dangerous situation and just being with him if he is carrying could land you in jail too.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes it is the hard realities that bring us to our senses, but it hurts just the same.

AnvilheadII

drug addicts make LOUSY drug dealers. keep dipping into the stash. on the one hand that should "shorten" his career as a drug dealer, but also give him access to a lotta dope. not really an upside to this. just is what it is.

Hope33

I just want to say thanks to everyone that responded. I never thought it would come to this, but it definitely confirms my husband is going down a very dark road. I'm really concerned about my daughter though, she keeps calling her father trying to get him to have lunch with her or spend some type of time with her, but he makes up a million excuses. Now with the information I know I'm glad he hasn't been around her. She cried yesterday, so bad. She just does not understand why he's made no attempt to see her in weeks. As I mentioned in my first post she is aware that her father has a drug habit, but I don't think she understands how it makes a person change. They are no longer who they use to be, actually I'm finally just accepting this myself. I think before I was so happy he was getting himself together and I finally let him come back home because he was doing so well. I thought we could finally make our family work again. Now I feel like I gave my daughter false hope.

crazybabie

How old is your daughter?

Hope33

My daughter is 15 now, but this started when she was in middle school. They used to be very close, so she was extremely hurt when he was no longer around. At first she did not realize he was on drugs and she thought he stopped spending time with her because deep down in side he wanted a boy. Then as time went by she knew. There was no hiding things because she was getting older. She did find comfort in her church groups and as he got better they started to rebuild their relationship again. Now that he's using again, he's completely out of her life. He's back to not picking up her calls and the times when he decides to pickup he's in a rush to get off.

Kindeyes

That is just heartbreaking for your daughter. Is she in therapy? Or perhaps Narateen or Alateen? It might be helpful for her to understand that her father is a sick Dad....not a bad Dad. I can only imagine how her heart hurts.....and in turn.....knowing that your child hurts......hurts you.

Your family will be in my prayers this morning.

gentle hugs
ke

sojourner

Hope33: Please get your daughter to Alateen. Perhaps you could say, "You have to do this for 6 meetings. Then you can decide if you want to continue on your own."

From my own personal experience, when I was 15 or so, a doctor put that same 6-meeting demand on my mother for Al-Anon and on me for Alateen. I only went for those 6 meetings, but it saved my life. I probably would have gone longer if my mother would have continued Al-Anon, but she thought it was a waste of her time for all the typical reasons. But I never would have voluntarily gone without that doctor's demand.

Sojourner.

story74

When I told my son (who is now only 5) that his daddy is sick it helped so much. It was like he was able to understand and accept. We also say a prayer for daddy every night hoping he feels better. I am thinking about hanging up a picture of him and his dad together. And, I try to tell nice happy stories about him when I remember something. This way my son knows he came from good. I try to not show my anger or bad talk him in anyway. My son doesn't know that he hasn't paid child support, disappeared or ran off with another woman and left us to starve. At some point those truths will come out, but when it is age appropriate. I have learned the hard way to ALWAYS be honest. The truth always comes out.

I believe your daughter is old enough to understand addiction. I would educate her as much as possible and get her a counselor to talk to. Be honest. But try to keep emotion out of it. This sounds insane, but for example, when talking about sex, you give the clinical terms and educate without judgment or emotional undertones. Short, sweet and clear and concise, and still age appropriate. That being said, I said with tears in my eyes to my son that I missed daddy too. But, I believe we need to be the strength. Children don't need to hear our woes. They need logic and stability.
Hope that makes some sense!

I send many blessings to your daughter. There is nothing more painful than to see our partner who we trusted and had a child with blatantly hurt our child. The pain that they cause can leave marks for a lifetime. Just try to deal with it now and keep the talk line open!!!! Let her feel and she will know that no matter what you will be there for her, and will come through it strong and learning lessons of life.

lizwig

I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I wanted to mention There is a very nice young man who attends our al-anon group. He is 15 and he comes with his mom. Just last night he shared how much personal growth he's seen in himself. He said he is now able to stand back from a situation and view the various options...where before attending he only ever considered one path. He also said he finds he isn't as inpatient with others as he used to be because he is more willing to accept their points of view. Wow. What a gift his mom had given him. I agree with the other posters. Something like this would be great for your daughter. From his perception of what he's learnt who couldn't benefit from growth like that?!

Hope33

I will definitely look into Alateen as you all of have suggested. My daughter and I talk pretty openly to each other and to be honest I've suggested something like this to her before, but she did not want to try it. It wasn't that she was against getting help. She just found comfort in her church group. It's a teen group and they meet on Fridays. They have older teens as mentor's and they talk about their problems. Some of the teens have been in similar situations like her's, but I know she will probably benefit more from something that gives you a better understanding of addiction. I know I joined this forum and do a a lot of reading, but I think it's time for me to talk to someone as well. I'm just so tired of his lies and lack of responsibility. I have my good days, but sometimes I just feel emotionally drained and sad.

zoso77

This is awful. But, to allude to the title of your post, whatever your husband does -- be it selling drugs or neglecting your daughter -- don't be surprised. Responsibilities do not matter to him. All that matters to him is drugs.

Alateen would be very, very helpful to your daughter going forward. It's one thing for you to tell her that her father's sick. It's another thing to hear from her peers that he's sick. Especially at her age. She needs to feel like she's not alone in this.

Best,
ZoSo