Lionhearted1

I had a week sober was feeling great then I drank and left the house whilst everyone was asleep spent a small fortune in a club and woke up this morning with my partner screaming and crying because once again I snuck out after promising I would never do it again...

Will I ever be able to stop this insanity or am I too weak and dishonest to be able to get and stay sober...

Maybe I just won't be able to do it and have to except that I will be like this till I die!!!

happybeingme

Why did you drink? Why sneak out? Sounds like you are on a deliberate self destructive path.When you are ready to accept that booze cant have a place in your life anymore, ever again you can get and stay sober

Lionhearted1

I drank because iam an alcoholic i snuck out because iam a selfish fool.

ANGELINA243

Don't give up on recovery. It's only when we quit trying that we are doomed. Keep moving forward. There is hope.

Mountainmanbob

let's face the facts
you don't want to die in that condition
a drunken cheater
I know because I was one too
a better life awaits you
stop giving in to the evil one
who wishes to destroy you

Mountainman

ScottFromWI

Most of us are alcholics, and most of us have been selfish fools while we were drinking. That hasn't stopped a vast number of us from getting sober though. You can be sober too, you have to want it though. And it won't be easy. But it is a choice you can make, no one is exempt from sobriety if they want it enough.

LadyinBC

I personally think that it boils down to how badly we want to stay sober. At least that is how it was for me.

Dee74

Hi LH

when people say I drank because I'm an alcoholic, I get a little mad because I used to use that line...

The truth is I'm an alcoholic too...and so what? It doesn't keep me drunk.

It's a nice line, but it's BS really. When I used to say it I was already halfway to the bar in my mind.

Do yourself a favour LH - get a sheet of paper and write down everything you've been doing to stay sober....

then accept that whatever it is, whatever's written there, it's not been enough.

Redouble your efforts...triple them...whatever it takes.

You can stay sober - this is not beyond any of us - but it really needs a sterling silver commitment, it needs support, and it needs changes made to our lives.

D

least

CarolD used to say "when you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll be able to stay sober."

quitforme79

I was tired of living in that place of misery. I knew I needed help and a LOT of it. So I went to AA and did an outpt treatment program. Do you have any recovery practices in place? Without them I couldn't succeed and believe me I tried!

Nuudawn

I was going to ask where your recovery plan failed ya? Did you have one?
If not, Dee's idea is pretty brilliant. Addiction is a formidable beast...one that needs some strategy to conquer.

Glad you're here.

wiscsober

Try coming through the back door. Don't drink for the hour...eat really well...drink a lot fluids...exercise ... don't worry about any mental stuff...get some sleep....next day take care of your medical needs either going to an ER or walk-in clinic and tell some profs. you are ready to stop using

get some blood and urine work ups

just try it from the medical side....

you are not dealing with a moral deficiency you have a treatable medical illness.

Tippingpoint

Yep, take responsibility for your actions and know that when you drink it is a choice that you have made.

Own it.

Notmyrealname

Aw man I am sorry to hear, that must be disappointing. It does highlight one of the hurdles in the sobering up process pretty well, though. A lot of it is learning how to respond to urges. If your response when you feel the urge to drink is to go drink, you're gonna have a hard time staying sober. Urges will likely come from time to time. Figure out what you're going to do next time you have a strong urge to pick up. Have a plan, and then work your plan. Whether it's heading to an AA meeting or calling your sponsor for a chat or making a cup of tea and sitting down in the SR chatroom or forums or exercising or eating something delicious, or whatever -- change how you respond to the urge to drink. Eventually your brain will rewire and your drinking urges will lose intensity and frequency.

(If you conditioned yourself to clean the house every time you wanted a drink, just think how immaculate your residence could be! People would be lined up around the block to ask you to be their roommate . . lol)

EternalQ

When I read what you wrote what I think is this: Every word is your addiction talking to you.

You need to stop listening to your addiction. Give it a minute and it will take the rest of your life.

I will tell you what did it for me:
I was convinced that when I quit, it was my first and last chance to make it happen. I still believe that. One chance and one chance only.

How many chances do you think YOU have left, Lionhearted? I mean we don't really know right? Why push your luck? There's not always tomorrow. But there is today.

DisplacedGRITS

i'm an alcoholic and i'm sober. i'm pretty selfish too and yet i'm sober. i'm sober because i've made sobriety the most important thing in my life. i even set it above my marriage (not that i've had to make many choices there. my husband is very understanding). i've finally had enough going out and trying to do things my way. it means i have to sacrifice a lot of time and effort and sometimes, i have to feel bad because i can't get my way.

the thing is, i've had to live life on life's terms. as an alcoholic, i have a strong desire to micromanage my life but, as an alcoholic, i have a tendency to want to hammer square pegs into round holes. alcohol doesn't have a healthy place in my life. it serves a purpose in my life but not a purpose that i want filled. so i'm stuck leaving that part of my life unfulfilled and it's up to me to learn how to live with that. the good thing is, the longer i'm away from alcohol, the more i'm discovering that i can fill parts of that hole in my life with other things.

a new sense of pride tempered with humility fits into that hole. the feeling i get when being of service to other people, especially other alcoholics, fills that hole A LOT. reaching out to other sober alcoholics and talking does the trick too. and the longer i've been sober, the smaller that hole gets. you see, when i poured alcohol down that hole, it never got full. not even a little bit. if anything, the hole got wider and deeper. it's just that when i drank, i forgot about it for a while. but i always came to and that d*mn hole was still there.

i feel it still. like there's something missing in my life. but now, i have so many other things to turn to that help me feel, i dunno, purposeful again. i'm gaining self respect again and that means i'm not comfortable living the life of a victim. i choose not to be defined by my alcoholism. rather, i'd like to be defined by my sobriety. i am a sober alcoholic. that means, i make special sacrifices in my life to keep me happy and healthy. some people go to the gym every day. i go to meetings. heck, sometimes i even do both! when i put my sobriety first, i find that a lot of other things fall into place.

so, what are you going to do? if you really want to be sober, it's time to put your sobriety as the absolute most important thing in your life. as an alcoholic, you with either be defined by your sobriety or your untreated alcoholism. it's up to you to decide which. if you choose sobriety, i recommend you jump in with both feet. have you tried AA? SMART? AVRT? do you post on SR when things are going well or only when the s has hit the fan? are you a victim of your life or are you willing to live life on life's terms? you're not going to get sober via osmosis. it takes doing the hard work, being uncomfortable sometimes and not getting your way all the time. you don't have to do this alone unless you chose to.

Elisabeth888

You have to not drink no matter what and that's the deal. It sucks, but you learn other ways to cope. Drinking is actually a really cruddy coping mechanism. It does NOTHING to help ANY situation, feeling, etc.

RIDE IT OUT. Come and post when you want to drink.

visch1

For too long I thought alcohol was a friend and relaxer when my feelings were askew. Slowly what was working worked less and less until It became addictive big time and I was doing the same old, expecting different results. Fortunately I got a 2 year "exposure" to AA but wanted to do things my way which proved to be almost a disaster. I finally got honest with myself and wanted sobriety more than drinking. After a lot of listening at a lot of meetings I started to do a lot of suggestions, the most important, NOT DRINKING AND KEEP COMING. With a lot of work and becoming active in the program I can write a gratitude list of things that at one time was unthinkable. All because I didn't pick up the first drink and immersed myself into self repair both medically and physical and mentally. I found that it works if I work it. BE WELL

tomsteve

yes, you can stop the insanity, but yer gonna have to want to stop.yer gonna have to make the decision that you'll go to any lengths necessary, then out in the footwork.

about a month or so into recovery I started getting serious cravings( I was too dam miserable to get em for the 1st month or so). but the great thing was I didn't completely fry my brain and knew exactly where a drink was gonna take me. I didn't want to go back there and still don't today.

LadyBlue0527

There is no other way to put it. What I'm about to say next is a little harsh but if nothing more I'm being honest.

Let me start by saying that I'm glad that the people here that slip or go into a full blown relapse don't give up. I understand how slips ups and relapses really mess with your head because I've done it. It took me this fourth time trying over a period of 15 years to come to realize that what visch1 said is the only way out. It's only now that I realize that my continuous slips and relapses were because of the fact that I really didn't want sobriety more than I wanted to drink. I wasn't being honest with myself.

Again, I'm glad that you came back LH just as I'm glad that others do. However, if I am also honest sometimes I have a little bit of a hard time reading relapse or slip up posts. I tell you what, it really sucks sometimes on the weekends when I'm doing my utmost to stay sober and it takes every ounce of willpower and energy that I have to maintain. I follow my plan. I want to drink so bad I can almost taste it. But I don't. Because I know in my heart what that drink will turn out to be. When I wake up and come onto the board and read relapse or slip posts 95% of me feels so bad that the person posting is now back at day 1 and exasperated. However, there's 5% of me that wants to post

"Do you really want to quit as badly as you say you do?"

I am so sorry to everyone here and I probably should have not posted what I just did. I really do care and my heart goes out to those that want to be sober and can't seem to maintain. I just know that this is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. If you continue to drink time and time again and just go back to day one then perhaps it's time to really question how badly you want it. For those who excuse someone who does this continuously over and over and over again there is such a fine line between supporting and enabling. There has to be accountability.

You can't do it unless you put every single ounce of effort that you have into it. There can't be "I can just go ahead and drink and I'll just start back at day one tomorrow" rolling around in your mind. If there is then you don't really want to be sober. Point blank.

I sincerely do apologize from the bottom of my heart to you LH, and to anyone else who has had a slip and relapse. All that I can do is to pray that for anyone who continues to do this that you are able to find the peace that I have in being honest and really, really, really, really, really wanting it and really genuinely working for it.

Sobriety is not a convenience. It's a hard won effort.