aw58

Im sure we all have many stories. I am so ashamed when I think of this and filled with remorse. My first grandchild was born and I went out to celebrate knowing I was going on a 2 hour train journey the next morning to meet him. So me being the ,I cant stop when I start drinker. I drank all night well till
5am had one hours sleep, I was so tired so hung over by the time I got there I felt so sick, I made an excuse to have a sleep on their bed, what was supposed to be a wonderful day and one that you can never get back was ruined by my selfishness. I dont know if any one realised but I expect they did.

hypochondriac

Oh please don't beat yourself up aw. I am sure you will have plenty of opportunities to make it up to your grandchild. I bet he was sleeping a lot that day anyway

I did a lot of similar things really. If I was ever visiting anyone for the weekend I knew I wouldn't be able to drink as much as usual so would make sure I had my fill the night before I went and would spend my social time feeling deathly ill. Not a fun way to live really.

Sasha4

I had something similar happen when I gave birth to mu daughter, who was going to be my parents first grandchild.

Without going into too much detail, it upset me. I can't deny that.

I could have done without it as I had a 48 hour labour, an emergency section and then the massive baby boy I thought was coming turned out to be a teeny tiny little girl who was very, very underweight.

I first I was angry and cross.
Now it just a fact in that 'I gave birth you had too much to drink. I expected your support. I did not get it'.

So no emotions attached to it. It just something that happened.
Maybe because I have problems in that area too, I have slightly more insight into what might have been going through her mind.

However, and this is the main point of my post and to try and help you, it does NOT matter anymore.
Its just a fact in my mind.

What matters is now. That she does not drink near my granddaughter NOW.
That she supports me now. Her actions and behaviours now are all that matters.

If she wants to to drink in her own time she can.
But I would be disappointed if she drank in my granddaughters time.

I want her to have a relationship with her grandma.
But if I sense she has been drinking, then I have no choice than to remove myself from that situation.

I am certainly not sitting around all day long thinking about it, going through word for word, action for action what happened.
I expect this is the same for you.

She did apologise and I accept that.
However that apology will mean less and less it these drunken events keep happening.

Why not let this be your bottom and think to yourself no more now and go get yourself some help. Be it your GP, AA, SMART or whatever.

I hope this makes you feel a bit better about yourself. That was what I wanted to achieve by posting - that you don't feel like its the end of the world and continue to torture yourself over it.

I wish you the best
xxxx

visch1

I don't remember any of them. BE WELL

jrod1977

For legal reasons i'm not at liberty to discuss the worst thing i did while drinking, however i will say that there are some nights in Tijuana that will go to my grave!!:rotfxko

aw58

Hi Sasha sorry you went through it. This was 5 years ago and I have had 2 more grandchildren and never done it since. I have stopped drinking and Im now sober and I can now enjoy any moments in my life with out regret. I posted just to see other peoples stories and get people to realise that by continuing to drink there missing out on so much

Sasha4

Well thats great.
Good for you.
Something fabulous has come out of this.

If its nearly 5 years ago, its all done, dusted gone.

Now just be those kiddies best grandma/grandad you can ever aspire to be.
Give them lots of love.
Teach them things.
Help their parents when you can.

I'm proud of you!
xxxx

ScottFromWI

We've all done things we regret. Some very bad things to be sure. Since we can't undo them or change them though, the best we can do is move forward sober so we don't make the same bad choices.

Fandy

i agree with scott. these kinds of threads that awfulize, usually aren't helpful.

patwsd

There are so many things that I remember that were bad and so many more that I have as a blank and I cannot remember. Today I am a solitary drunk and I feel guilty each morning because I cannot remember the conversation or the movie with my family from the evening before. Yet after a day of stress I buy another bottle of blank memories. So the worst is missing that time with the ones I love.

Bruno1979

Hi Patwsd, are you still drinking?

Dee74

You can spend a life time & remember all the bad, embarrassing stuff...but we can't change a second of it.

It really is who we are, and what we do, today that counts

D

Dee74

good to see you back patwsd - use the mighty support that's here...do something fdifferent this time?

D

EternalQ

Hi Pat! Welcome. Good for you for reaching out so you're not alone.

If you don't mind I have a question for you: What is the best thing you've done during times of sobriety?

Because the good things that come from even a day of sobriety is a very positive way to connect with others and feel less alone also.

If you feel hearing the details of our pre sobriety roads would help you may I suggest you go into the threads of STORIES OF RECOVERY. You will read in their own words the stories of how some of us got here. When I first quit I was very encouraged and humbled by those.

Best to you!

Carlotta

Worst/stupidest thing: I drank
Best thing: I decided to get sober.

And I agree with the others, wars stories are not conducive to recovery.

Grace2

I'm so ashamed of some of the things I did when I was drinking that I cannot even bring myself to write them down, I have flashbacks about them to this day, but I'm concentrating on turning my life round and being a better person. No point in dwelling on things I can't change. Live for today, today is all we have.

Gxx

alphaomega

The last 10 plus years it wasn't so much about what I was doing while I was drunk. I was more of a reclusive drunk, leave me home alone with my bottle so I could pull the shade on my mind and sit in the dark.

My shame is more based on what I missed out on as a result of being hungover. Even if I did get out of bed, I was too anxious to actually participate, or enjoy, any activity as a result.

I missed so much.

quitforme79

I did some things I would never do sober....the awesome thing is that I don't ever have to go through any of that again as long as I don't pick up that first drink!

Anna

To be honest, threads like this seem pointless to me.

We have all done things we are ashamed of, we have probably all made amends in one way or another. What on earth is the point of talking about stupid things we did while drinking?

We are recovering, we are being positive and we are here looking for inspiration.

DisplacedGRITS

I nearly cheated on my husband, who i adore. It still haunts me and he doesn't know, but i know he has some suspicions about that night. He's forgiven me all my mistakes that i made while drinking. I'm still working on forgiving myself. The saddest thing about that was that i continued to drink for many years after that. The thing is, i could sit there and let that be a chain around my ankle or i can move past it knowing that i never have to feel that way again. I don't ever have to be in a situation where the drink makes the decisions, not me. I am free for as long as i choose to be. I'm finally free from being controlled by alcohol. Dwelling on my past won't help. I am clearing away the wreckage of my past so that i can live in the beauty of the moment. Chaining myself down to what i did while i was drinking prevents me from living my future in peace. You can always make amends to people you've harmed but you have to be able to live with or without their forgiveness. It's not up to you to decide how they should feel. All you can do is work on forgiving yourself because you're the only person you can actually change.