zoey09

Like I've said in past posts, I only have drinking buddies and not any true friends. This week I chose to go out with these people and ended up getting extremely drunk on two different occasions. Made some really bad decisions that I don't want to go into...
I know the only way to better my life is to quit drinking and using. But this week I was feeling a lot of past emotional pain to do with my childhood. That combined with a feeling of extreme loneliness, I have no friends or family to talk to.
I'm a weak, morally bankrupt human being and I hate how I've let my life turn out this way.
I don't know where I'm going with this post, just had to put this out there.

trikyriky

I just am letting you know you are not alone. I'm an addict and because of my addiction I tended to isolate. What I do know is if your friends are only drinking buddies then they are not good for you to be around. You don't have to be alone . It's late for me but stay on SR. Someone else may be along. Best wishes.

tr

MsJax

I'm sorry Zoey . You aren't weak or morally bankrupt. You have an alcohol problem & that is ok- it is fixable. Stay sober, things do get better, takes time and sometimes a lot of it. Please keep posting, lots of good people here.

christin1225

Zoey,

I'm on the way to bed but wanted to let you know that you don't have to be alone. I think that you know that and it's why you logged onto SR.

There's one thing that drinking can do for me... it can make me feel not so alone even though I still am, despite the people around me. Personally, I don't care that much for alcohol. I choose pills. Oddly, they feel like friends and I don't feel alone when they are around and in me. So, I do understand.

I did something tonight that made me feel connected to someone. I read a post that brought tears to my eyes. I sent that person a PM to let them know how their post touched me and to offer some words of hope/encouragement. You know what? All the while that I was doing that, I didn't feel alone. I felt connected.

Maybe, when you feel that you need a friend, you can find a post and be a friend. It might sound corny, but it works.

I hope that you find many friends tonight on SR.

zoey09

Thank you for the replies
I need to come to SR when I'm feeling lonely or when i have the urge drink, rather then after the fact.
I want to be posting about my success rather then the same "I messed up again and hate myself" posts...

Threshold

zoey, four years ago I could have typed your post.

It can change. Booze is about as false a friend as we can get, nothing but empty promises and disappointment.

Be your own best friend first and don't drink ever again, no matter what.

Nuudawn

Hey Zoey...yes, come here first. I did that last night...and I gotta say, SR saved my sober butt today! Even with SR, it was a tricky maneouver staying sober. I posted last night when I was scared...and I posted today. I don't know ANY of these people but man, I sooooo didn't feel alone. I think that quitting drinking is a bit of a lonely bout for awhile because we are suddenly starting to spend time with ourselves and have to make decisions for ourselves and our sobriety. I'm alone at a freakin' resort right now because that is the choice I made for sobriety (I choice that also might not have been the smartest in some ways). People need people..we are relational beings...and right now I resonate most with the folks here rather than most in my 3D world because these are the folks who know what I'm going through...who know how hard the fight can be.

Do you want to resonate with people drinking or people staying sober? I'm sitting here in my hotel room curled up in my bed with the folks staying sober...not downstairs in the hotel bar where the band's a rockin'.

That's the choice I have to make in order to figure me and this sobriety thing out : )

hypochondriac

You have us to talk to Zoey

I know things can feel sad sometimes. I was shocked at the state of my friendships sober. Turns out when I'm not the party girl people don't find me as amusing to have around. I tend towards isolation anyway and I think that has been good for me to figure out how I feel in my sobriety as I have a tendency to try and keep other people happy rather than myself (if I hung out with old friends and did that it would invariably lead to drinking). But that doesn't work for everyone. I am not a group type of person but I still gained a hell of a lot of strength from going to AA/SMART meetings and other types of support groups and one on one support. Have you thought about that at all? x

visch1

I after a good # of years sober still have a tendency to isolate. Fortunately I continue to attend 3-5 AA meetings a week where it's good to be with people who understand me and I them. BE WELL

zoey09

Hyp -

Thank you. After the one night of going out drinking I texted my "friend" apologizing for acting like an ass, and he said "no need to be embarrassed - you were a lot of fun"
I was just thinking, no I wasn't. I was loud and obnoxious... and you are never around to see the aftermath of self-hatred the next day...

I too am not much of a group person, I do enjoy my alone time but only to a certain extent. Unfortunately AA isn't my cup of tea, and the city I live by doesn't offer any alternative support groups. I might go and talk to my therapist again though.
For some reason this past week a lot of old hurt regarding my childhood resurfaced, and I think it would be healthy to talk to someone face to face about these feelings.

Nuudawn

I think so too : )

Anna

When I stopped drinking, it was the most lonely time of my life, for sure.

Have you considered therapy? It might be something that would help.

What worked was for me was volunteer work.

zoey09

Anna - Yep I have used therapy in the past and found it beneficial.

I'm curious, how far were you into your sobriety when you started volunteering?

This is something I'm interested in doing. I've been so selfish over the years, wrapped up in my addictions. It would be a good way to give back and maybe help me cope with my feelings of loneliness

sicknote

I get lonely too. Booze has always come first for me, So now I've put down the drink I've realised what damage I've done to myself and how alone I really am. It's not a nice feeling.

But apparrently lonelyness is common, and I'm told it gets better over time :0)

MIRecovery

Since I have joined AA I have more true friends than I can count loneliness does not exist anymore.

Anna

It was week 1 and it was truly a gift from the Universe. I knew for certain I had to get out of the house and do something. of my life. I found a position three days a week with women living in the street and in poverty due to mental issues. I was immediately embraced and loved by these women whose problems made mine look like nothing. The Universe gave me exactly what I needed at that time.

laana

Hi Zoey

i have been just like you, so lonely and in some kind of middle world where i am no longer all ok with my drinking buddies and too depressed to enjoy the parties i used to (think) i loved and at the same time not sober and aware enough to be with sober and happy people.

Its a horrible place to be.

Not wanting to push something on you but I personally have started to go to AA and it is amazing, its not at all depressing, just the opposite. I am not really a group person either and have been very hesitant but i have changed my mind..... for me its impossible to help my self and heal alone. In AA i've found people from all walks of life, so many that have been just where you are and the amazing thing they all welcome you and so many would love to help you.

Wishing you all the best and hope you find your way!
Anna

Dee74

Hi Zoey

I couldn't get sober with my drinking friends...but I made new ones, and I reconnected with old ones....

think about meeting new people...thinking about hobbies, things you'd like to do, interests...even volunteering is a good way to get out of the house doing something and mixing with people

it takes some changes....but you can do this

D

Bubovski

Keep trying Zoey.

I kind of tried for over 50 years, in fact I was a very trying person.

Back after 19 years away, with AA...........BEST TIME EVER!

Bubovski

[QUOTE=Dee74;4069037]Hi Zoey

I couldn't get sober with my drinking friends...but I made new ones, and I reconnected with old ones....

think about meeting new people...thinking about hobbies, things you'd like to do, interests...even volunteering is a good way to get out of the house doing something and mixing with people

it takes some changes....but you can do this

D[/QUOTE


Good one Dee; I'm looking to some volunteer work, between meetings, gym, etc.......