iamthird

I have so many bigger fish to fry right now...but I find myself getting angry with separated AH over the lamest things. For example, he got a new IPhone. It just annoys me. When we were together IPhones were stupid. A few months ago new enabling gf/other woman financed him a new car. I know their reality is tainted as he still is not in recovery...but I cant help but feel like here he is moving on...new apt, new gf, new car, new phone...living the life!

While I am ill and cannot really physically do much but think and be angry. I feel it is so cruel what is happening. I love my kids and they are the only thing sustaining me right now. I reach out to support system, Alanon...I walk for minimal excercise...but I still feel this anger and i need to let it go!

Help me SR family...

Hammer

Sooooo...

Why do you know all this?

And why do you care?

OnawaMiniya

I know it feels like he is moving on, but he's still an active alcoholic....things will fall apart. I don't say that like,"ha ha!" at him. I mean, in reality he isn't really moving on to anything new at all. Once again, his life will fall apart.

OnawaMiniya

I don't know your personal health situation but it sounds to me like physical pain is involved. If so, I understand. When you aren't doing physically well and are limited, sometimes all you have is your mind. And it can be easy to just think and think.

This is usually when I turn on comedy. Or listen to music.

dandylion

Iamthird, I hear how painful this is for you. It is o.k. to feel anger and resentment. You have a l ot of anger and pain and resentment from your relationship with him. i have no doubt that you are in stages of grief. Really, he is not treating you any worse than ever before--in other words, he hasn't changed a bit. Go ahead and allow yourself to feel the feelings and then visualize them washing away. It won't stay like this.

Yes, you do have your mind and it is the most powerful thing anyone can possess. Actually, your thoughts determine your feelings. Try to not think about what he is doing.

dandylion

OnawaMiniya

Absolutely. YOU possess it. It isn't possessed by him....unless you let it be. And I mean possessed as in "own" as well as "haunt".

I know it's hard.


An interesting topic to read about: do a Google search for "rewiring the brain".

And trust me, I could stand to do some brain rewiring. It's not easy but it's fascinating.

neferkamichael

Iamthird, that kinda junk pi$$'s me off. He's probably sleepin good knowing he's doing that to you. Your satisfaction should be knowing he's gonna do it to her as well. Rootin for ya.

DreamsofSerenity

iamthird,

I totally get why you are angry. And I don't think it is lame at all. It is a natural reaction to his betrayal.

That said, I think you really need to work diligently on letting go of that anger. The anger is poisoning YOU not him. Your job is to heal right now from a serious physical illness, and you absolutely do not need anger running through your veins while trying to do that.

Is there any way you can turn over his betrayal of you to your HP? I strongly believe he will meet his karmic reward someday. Do you?

I know anger is very hard to let go of, especially when you feel disempowered and vulnerable, both of which are feelings that would definitely accompany having cancer. If I were you, I would buy some books on working through anger, pray to be released from it, and keep working through it with us on here. IMO, letting go of your anger is of paramount importance.

Your ex sounds like a truly horrible person. Is he even worth being angry over? Don't give him that power. Let his maker deal with him while you deal with getting better.

Big hugs to you!!!

LexieCat

Third,

How is it that he is not paying support? Maybe we talked about this before, but have you talked to a lawyer?

iamthird

Hammer, I know all this because we share a child and I see the car he pulls up in and I know his credit is not good enough to finance and he told me she did. I know he has an I phone because I have one and when you text someone else with an I phone it says "i message".

I care because hes my husband who abandoned me. I think your questioning is harsh and I dont need that.

Lexie, we are not officially divorced but he helps me financially. Before my cancer, I visited an atty and she said i made more than him so i wasnt in a hurry to file because I needed the health benefits. He does give me money here and there and just started to give me regularly next month he says.

Its not the money. Its the abandonment thats so hard to deal with.

marie1960

I just can't imagine what you are going thru, so I won't even try to pretend.

Keep posting, we are here and listening.

Keep frying those bigger fish..............

LexieCat

It kind of looks to me that this semi-marriage is taking more out of you than a divorce would. It's keeping you hooked into feeling abandoned. If you were to file for divorce, you would maybe regain a certain sense of control over your own life again. It might not be a bad idea to revisit the issue with your lawyer, in light of everything that has been going on. He could be ordered to maintain payments for health insurance for you. It seems to me like you are still somehow hoping he will come back to you. Maybe it's time to consider closing the door on that? Just a thought.

Hammer

That's fair enough, and sorry on my part.

I do recall early in the train wreck keeping track of all the drama, too.

That can really keep you torn up.

Things started getting *much* better FOR ME, once I stopped.

Now even when the Drama comes looking for me, I do not take delivery. In the words of Mrs. Hammer today -- "this is very frustrating" -- for her -- because I will not play along or get involved in her crap.

You will get there, too, and all this will be some like some bad dream.

Rosiepetal

So sorry you're hurting.
You have been through so much.
Give yourself time to feel the emotions & then try to let them wash over you.
The new GF will not be getting the best of your ex, remember that, he hasn't changed at all, just found another enabler.
Do you have any positive books you can read to help?
Healthy hugs coming your way from me.

iamthird

I dont know if anyone out there can understand but my head/neck cancer is Stage 4 and I am on break from a very agressive combo of radiation and chemo. It is hard for me to feed myself and go to the bathroom let alone go file for divorce. I know it probably sounds like an excuse but it is my reality right now.

I think I just need to work on giving all this pain to my HP. Seems like the only way I can survive...

DreamsofSerenity

Yes, I am third. I deeply believe you do need to hand it over to your HP..

Boon44

I am third, nobody knows but you what you are going through for sure. Do you have anyone else who can run interference between the two of you for a while to help deal with visitation or anything? You sound very alone in this so just wondering if any help is possible...you've a right to your feelings and he doesn't sound to concerned about yours right now so having a buffer even if for just a little while could help? How about On-Line Al Anon meetings for you to get some emotional support while you recover and/or are being treated? You deserve relief...

Rosiepetal

Is it possible to use visualisation & soothing music to help your recovery?
Worth a try to a more peaceful time.
Hugs.

Seren

All I can really do is send hugs and prayers, iamthird.

May 'Suri' always provide him with the wrong information!!

LoveMeNow

I am completely understand your feelings. However, what really helped me put things in perspective was remembering how material things never brought me any real happiness nor will they bring him any.

Trusting and believing in the God of my understanding brings me more far more peace and joy than any "thing."

I am sorry for your illness. There are many Alanon you tubes that have brought me comfort along with laughter. I would recommend Mary Pearl and Kathy H to begin with.

You are all in my prayers.