Have You Ever Had Your Pets Harmed?
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Have You Ever Had Your Pets Harmed?
I was just wondering if anyone had similar experiences to me with the alcoholic using pets to hurt you or is this some other behavior going on? In my case my exAH did the following:
-left door open so cats could escape and then claim "oh I didn't know I didn't close the door tight"
-over fed (I had a horse & he did also) one overfeeding cost the life of my horse & the other one barely survived. when I would bring to his attention his response "but she looks so hungry & I didn't know it would do that"
-Refusing to take any responsibility in care of dog or vet visits even when his dog need to be put down due to age he let the dog suffer something horribly until I forced him to do it.
All of these things ocurred whenever we had an argument & then he would give me the silent treatment & seemed like he did these things to get my attention and thus forcing me to talk to him and break the silence.
Just wondering if others had stories of their A mistreating animals and where it even seemed like it was done purposely & thought out not just yelling or pushing the animal.
-left door open so cats could escape and then claim "oh I didn't know I didn't close the door tight"
-over fed (I had a horse & he did also) one overfeeding cost the life of my horse & the other one barely survived. when I would bring to his attention his response "but she looks so hungry & I didn't know it would do that"
-Refusing to take any responsibility in care of dog or vet visits even when his dog need to be put down due to age he let the dog suffer something horribly until I forced him to do it.
All of these things ocurred whenever we had an argument & then he would give me the silent treatment & seemed like he did these things to get my attention and thus forcing me to talk to him and break the silence.
Just wondering if others had stories of their A mistreating animals and where it even seemed like it was done purposely & thought out not just yelling or pushing the animal.
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Join Date: May 2013
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Originally Posted by Flicka57 
I was just wondering if anyone had similar experiences to me with the alcoholic using pets to hurt you or is this some other behavior going on? In my case my exAH did the following:
-left door open so cats could escape and then claim "oh I didn't know I didn't close the door tight"
-over fed (I had a horse & he did also) one overfeeding cost the life of my horse & the other one barely survived. when I would bring to his attention his response "but she looks so hungry & I didn't know it would do that"
-Refusing to take any responsibility in care of dog or vet visits even when his dog need to be put down due to age he let the dog suffer something horribly until I forced him to do it.
All of these things ocurred whenever we had an argument & then he would give me the silent treatment & seemed like he did these things to get my attention and thus forcing me to talk to him and break the silence.
Just wondering if others had stories of their A mistreating animals and where it even seemed like it was done purposely & thought out not just yelling or pushing the animal.
-left door open so cats could escape and then claim "oh I didn't know I didn't close the door tight"
-over fed (I had a horse & he did also) one overfeeding cost the life of my horse & the other one barely survived. when I would bring to his attention his response "but she looks so hungry & I didn't know it would do that"
-Refusing to take any responsibility in care of dog or vet visits even when his dog need to be put down due to age he let the dog suffer something horribly until I forced him to do it.
All of these things ocurred whenever we had an argument & then he would give me the silent treatment & seemed like he did these things to get my attention and thus forcing me to talk to him and break the silence.
Just wondering if others had stories of their A mistreating animals and where it even seemed like it was done purposely & thought out not just yelling or pushing the animal.
I'm an animal lover. This post breaks my heart.
He drunkenly threatened it once but he wouldn't do it. Anyway my dog isn't staying here right now anyway.
I'm so sorry.... he needs to be accountable. I'm not sure how...maybe someone else would know. Because he's being clever about it in the worst way. Ugh, I'm so so sorry.
Wanted to offer my sympathy, and I'm so sorry for your loss and all of the suffering... (((((hugs)))))
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I have heard of two instances (friends of my addict brother) where someone drunk tried to stab a dog. In one case, the drunk guy did it and actually murdered the dog. In another case, the gf called the police and the guy got arrested before he could do it. I think they were both mentally ill on top of alcoholic. Not that it being mentally ill is an excuse but I don't want to imply in any way that it is normal for alkies to hurt animals.
Come to think of it, when I was in HS, a drunk football player raped a dog at a party.
They say that harming animals is a really bad sign that someone is severely mentally ill. If you really suspect your SO is harming animals to get to you, I would be very careful of him.
Come to think of it, when I was in HS, a drunk football player raped a dog at a party.
They say that harming animals is a really bad sign that someone is severely mentally ill. If you really suspect your SO is harming animals to get to you, I would be very careful of him.
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Location: Hillsborough, NJ
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That is absolutely awful....
If he treats your pets this way, I can only begin to imagine how poorly he must treat you...
I'm not sure if alcoholism is the reason for this or not, but it sounds like he has
a personality disorder....
People with anti-social personality disorder and/or Narcissism are very passive aggressive, take no responsibility for their actions, and show little to no remorse...
I'm not usually so forward when I respond to a post, but if you feel my "hunch" may be accurate, please consider getting away from this guy...ASAP...
I was involved with a Narcissist for several years and it nearly destroyed me.....
Best wishes,
Linda
If he treats your pets this way, I can only begin to imagine how poorly he must treat you...
I'm not sure if alcoholism is the reason for this or not, but it sounds like he has
a personality disorder....
People with anti-social personality disorder and/or Narcissism are very passive aggressive, take no responsibility for their actions, and show little to no remorse...
I'm not usually so forward when I respond to a post, but if you feel my "hunch" may be accurate, please consider getting away from this guy...ASAP...
I was involved with a Narcissist for several years and it nearly destroyed me.....
Best wishes,
Linda
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As soon as I feel the Girls lives are in peral, they are removed from this house, no questions asked, for however long they need a safe haven. They have been removed a few times since AH n I have been together. The longest has been just this past week.
They get removed for being emotionally disturbed because of how AH acts when he's on a bender. If he would ever threaten them with violence, he'd be one sore man. The worse he's ever done was thrown my boxer outside n locked her out in April when the police told me to leave at 5am. When I came back at 8am, I found her in her yard n the rottweiler in the house scared. They were both removed along with myself as he was passed out.
They get removed for being emotionally disturbed because of how AH acts when he's on a bender. If he would ever threaten them with violence, he'd be one sore man. The worse he's ever done was thrown my boxer outside n locked her out in April when the police told me to leave at 5am. When I came back at 8am, I found her in her yard n the rottweiler in the house scared. They were both removed along with myself as he was passed out.
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A bit odd topic but I will say that dogs can sense when a family member is drunk. I guess their sense of smell helps. I remember as a kid when me dad would come home drunk my dog would growl. 
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He threatened to kill my daughter's (7 yo) cat once--in front of her! I felt so helpless, I called 911. Then told them not to come, everything was under control. It was so humiliating.
He said he was just mad and would never actually do it. My daughter was apoplectic
He said he was just mad and would never actually do it. My daughter was apoplectic
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So sorry. My AH couldn't even take care of himself when actively drinking. I learned the hard way not to leave him in charge of any living things including house plants. Whatever the motivations are behind his actions it sounds like he is not capable of any pet related responsibilities. So very sad.
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Originally Posted by WhiteFeathers
He threatened to kill my daughter's (7 yo) cat once--in front of her! I felt so helpless, I called 911. Then told them not to come, everything was under control. It was so humiliating.
He said he was just mad and would never actually do it. My daughter was apoplectic
He said he was just mad and would never actually do it. My daughter was apoplectic
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It seems like many of our Alcoholic others use different methods to try to control us. What he's doing is a passive aggressive way of getting at you and is another form of the emotional abuse that so many of us experience with these addicts. I am so sorry for your hurting and hope that you can find a way to make sure that yourself and your animals are taken care of!
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You might find this interesting Facts About Animal Abuse & Domestic Violence
In association with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Why it Matters
71% of pet-owning women entering women’s shelters reported that their batterer had injured, maimed, killed or threatened family pets for revenge or to psychologically control victims; 32% reported their children had hurt or killed animals.
68% of battered women reported violence towards their animals. 87% of these incidents occurred in the presence of the women, and 75% in the presence of the children, to psychologically control and coerce them.
13% of intentional animal abuse cases involve domestic violence.
Between 25% and 40% of battered women are unable to escape abusive situations because they worry about what will happen to their pets or livestock should they leave.
Pets may suffer unexplained injuries, health problems, permanent disabilities at the hands of abusers, or disappear from home.
Abusers kill, harm, or threaten children’s pets to coerce them into sexual abuse or to force them to remain silent about abuse. Disturbed children kill or harm animals to emulate their parents’ conduct, to prevent the abuser from killing the pet, or to take out their aggressions on another victim.
In one study, 70% of animal abusers also had records for other crimes. Domestic violence victims whose animals were abused saw the animal cruelty as one more violent episode in a long history of indiscriminate violence aimed at them and their vulnerability.
Investigation of animal abuse is often the first point of social services intervention for a family in trouble.
For many battered women, pets are sources of comfort providing strong emotional support: 98% of Americans consider pets to be companions or members of the family.
Animal cruelty problems are people problems. When animals are abused, people are at risk.
In association with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Why it Matters
71% of pet-owning women entering women’s shelters reported that their batterer had injured, maimed, killed or threatened family pets for revenge or to psychologically control victims; 32% reported their children had hurt or killed animals.
68% of battered women reported violence towards their animals. 87% of these incidents occurred in the presence of the women, and 75% in the presence of the children, to psychologically control and coerce them.
13% of intentional animal abuse cases involve domestic violence.
Between 25% and 40% of battered women are unable to escape abusive situations because they worry about what will happen to their pets or livestock should they leave.
Pets may suffer unexplained injuries, health problems, permanent disabilities at the hands of abusers, or disappear from home.
Abusers kill, harm, or threaten children’s pets to coerce them into sexual abuse or to force them to remain silent about abuse. Disturbed children kill or harm animals to emulate their parents’ conduct, to prevent the abuser from killing the pet, or to take out their aggressions on another victim.
In one study, 70% of animal abusers also had records for other crimes. Domestic violence victims whose animals were abused saw the animal cruelty as one more violent episode in a long history of indiscriminate violence aimed at them and their vulnerability.
Investigation of animal abuse is often the first point of social services intervention for a family in trouble.
For many battered women, pets are sources of comfort providing strong emotional support: 98% of Americans consider pets to be companions or members of the family.
Animal cruelty problems are people problems. When animals are abused, people are at risk.
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Yep, this happened to me also
I have permanently left my ex in Dec. 2008. Prior to that I had left him in Aug 2008. I had doctor appointments and dentist appointments, so when I would travel in for them, (I lived an hour and a half away with friends) I would stop at the house to gather up more of my belongings while he was at work.
I stopped at the house one time, and the back sliding door was left wide open. I went in the kitchen and there is a note, he made it look like it was for a neighbor saying that he had to be away overnight, and if there is a problem with the dog, to call him. (and no, he didn't have the neighbors watching the dog). The note was meant for me, to show me that he will leave the back door open so that the dog can go in and out. We did not have a fenced in yard. We lived in a rural area. We had bears on our property.
I stayed there that night to take care of my dog. I couldn't take her with me because my friend was allergic to dogs. I did call the ex, and gave him a piece of my mind and told him that if he ever needed someone to take care of the dog for a night or a few days that I will have a friend come around to do this.
About 3 weeks later, I went back to the house, same thing. He knew I was coming in that day. He left the slider opened again, but this time but screening over it to keep some of the bugs out. This time he tells me that he was going to be gone for a week. So, I was forced to stay that week. Left when he was on his way home. Told him that I advised our neighbors of what was going on, and that if they saw my dog outside, and if he wasn't around to call the ASPCA and to let me know.
This put an end to that.
When we sold the house, I wasn't there for when everything was being moved. I was too afraid to be in the same house with him, so at the closing I had asked him about the pets. I had the dog, and also a cat. He told me that our daughter took the dog, and that he found the cat a home. Tried to get more info from him about where the cat was, and he just wouldn't answer. Found out about 2 months later that he just let the cat outside, and left the cat there, but luckily the people who bought our house, had taken the cat in. I found that out when I called one of my old neighbors.
I have permanently left my ex in Dec. 2008. Prior to that I had left him in Aug 2008. I had doctor appointments and dentist appointments, so when I would travel in for them, (I lived an hour and a half away with friends) I would stop at the house to gather up more of my belongings while he was at work.
I stopped at the house one time, and the back sliding door was left wide open. I went in the kitchen and there is a note, he made it look like it was for a neighbor saying that he had to be away overnight, and if there is a problem with the dog, to call him. (and no, he didn't have the neighbors watching the dog). The note was meant for me, to show me that he will leave the back door open so that the dog can go in and out. We did not have a fenced in yard. We lived in a rural area. We had bears on our property.
I stayed there that night to take care of my dog. I couldn't take her with me because my friend was allergic to dogs. I did call the ex, and gave him a piece of my mind and told him that if he ever needed someone to take care of the dog for a night or a few days that I will have a friend come around to do this.
About 3 weeks later, I went back to the house, same thing. He knew I was coming in that day. He left the slider opened again, but this time but screening over it to keep some of the bugs out. This time he tells me that he was going to be gone for a week. So, I was forced to stay that week. Left when he was on his way home. Told him that I advised our neighbors of what was going on, and that if they saw my dog outside, and if he wasn't around to call the ASPCA and to let me know.
This put an end to that.
When we sold the house, I wasn't there for when everything was being moved. I was too afraid to be in the same house with him, so at the closing I had asked him about the pets. I had the dog, and also a cat. He told me that our daughter took the dog, and that he found the cat a home. Tried to get more info from him about where the cat was, and he just wouldn't answer. Found out about 2 months later that he just let the cat outside, and left the cat there, but luckily the people who bought our house, had taken the cat in. I found that out when I called one of my old neighbors.
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Ugh, I find harm to animals in this way so disturbing. It's so incredibly abusive, not only to the animal, but obviously to the owner of the animal as well. About five years ago I dated a guy who was not an A, but definitely had some other issues (though he hid them well), and in the course of our breakup, he threatened to kill the betta fish I had at the time. I realize it was just a fish, but it really frightened me, and continues to frighten me to this day. I can't wrap my head around the idea of killing a helpless creature that had absolutely nothing to do with what was going on between him and me at the time.
This also reminds me of this one scene from the Sopranos when one of the characters (Chris) gets so high on heroin that he sits on his girlfriend's dog without realizing it, passes out, and kills the dog. Disturbing, but probably accurately reflective of how careless As can be in the throes of their addiction.
I don't know that this is a behavior that can necessarily be attributed to being an A, but given the tendency for many As to become emotionally and physically abusive, as well as incredibly careless and selfish, I suppose it's no surprise.
This also reminds me of this one scene from the Sopranos when one of the characters (Chris) gets so high on heroin that he sits on his girlfriend's dog without realizing it, passes out, and kills the dog. Disturbing, but probably accurately reflective of how careless As can be in the throes of their addiction.
I don't know that this is a behavior that can necessarily be attributed to being an A, but given the tendency for many As to become emotionally and physically abusive, as well as incredibly careless and selfish, I suppose it's no surprise.
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Originally Posted by Justfor1
A bit odd topic but I will say that dogs can sense when a family member is drunk. I guess their sense of smell helps. I remember as a kid when me dad would come home drunk my dog would growl.
My mom works with guide dogs who alert diabetics. They smell their blood sugar levels and alert for both highs and lows. So it makes total sense that dogs can smell booze in the blood stream as well. Then when the smell of booze is linked to stress in the household, no wonder the dogs growl upon smelling it. It's pretty amazing.
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"This also reminds me of this one scene from the Sopranos when one of the characters (Chris) gets so high on heroin that he sits on his girlfriend's dog without realizing it, passes out, and kills the dog. Disturbing, but probably accurately reflective of how careless As can be in the throes of their addiction"
That's another reason I am so glad I went back to sobriety. Carlotta is so tiny and she is free range, it's easy not to see her when sober (I do the mousey shuffle) forget about it when wasted.
That's another reason I am so glad I went back to sobriety. Carlotta is so tiny and she is free range, it's easy not to see her when sober (I do the mousey shuffle) forget about it when wasted.
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The neighboring town is getting ready to have a continuing education course for social workers and those in the helping community on the link between animal abuse and abuse in general.
I did not realize what a problem it was. I never felt in danger physically from my loved one.
My AexH in a drunken rage once kicked our dog. It was the moment I finally started to deal with I was in an alcoholic relationship (too bad I had just married him two weeks before).
As he got sicker, he neglected himself, but also feel short on the best care for our animals (I would not call it neglect), but I have one dog with special needs and he did not take her needs seriously for instance.
My dog that has some issues I think can tell when people have been drinking and she goes a little nuts. I did not realize that until we were seperated and we were watching a person with a physical disability walk down the street (right after a person with a normal walk). She went nuts with the person with a physical disability....he looked like he was stumbling like someone drunk might.
I did not realize what a problem it was. I never felt in danger physically from my loved one.
My AexH in a drunken rage once kicked our dog. It was the moment I finally started to deal with I was in an alcoholic relationship (too bad I had just married him two weeks before).
As he got sicker, he neglected himself, but also feel short on the best care for our animals (I would not call it neglect), but I have one dog with special needs and he did not take her needs seriously for instance.
My dog that has some issues I think can tell when people have been drinking and she goes a little nuts. I did not realize that until we were seperated and we were watching a person with a physical disability walk down the street (right after a person with a normal walk). She went nuts with the person with a physical disability....he looked like he was stumbling like someone drunk might.
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STBXAH's threats included sending me an email saying he was going to kill my dog the next day as he was cleaning up my ***t as usual. The dog is now dead, he left it tied to a tree and went to stay with his new gf. I am not sure exactly what he died of but I felt so guilty that I couldn't take him with me.
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Originally Posted by cr995
STBXAH's threats included sending me an email saying he was going to kill my dog the next day as he was cleaning up my ***t as usual. The dog is now dead, he left it tied to a tree and went to stay with his new gf. I am not sure exactly what he died of but I felt so guilty that I couldn't take him with me.
I'm so sorry that happened.
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Oh my god......so very sorry. That is sociopathic behavior. Not necessarily an A specific trait, but certainly the two can go together.
Absolutely heartbreaking.....
In my case, the A could show affection and bond lovingly to animals in a way he couldn't with me.
Absolutely heartbreaking.....
In my case, the A could show affection and bond lovingly to animals in a way he couldn't with me.
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