Random thought
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 38
Random thought
I view my situation as this- I've run into a burning building a million times to save a little boy(abf) that does not want to be saved, and each time I run in there I'm the one who gets burnt. I know I gotta let the little boy do what he wants but it's so damn hard to let him harm himself.
Ok I'm learning, just gotta put my random thoughts out there.
Ok I'm learning, just gotta put my random thoughts out there.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Thing is....your abf is not a little boy. He's an adult who is fully capable of saving himself if he so chooses. It's extraordinarily sad that he does not choose to do so right now, and I hope that one day he will decide to lead a better, healthier life. But as an adult with free will, it's his decision.
And yes, that is hard for us to accept--those of us who love an alcoholic or addict.
And yes, that is hard for us to accept--those of us who love an alcoholic or addict.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
But he ISN'T a little boy. He isn't helpless. He is a grown man capable of walking out of the burning building under his own steam. You aren't abandoning a child in a burning building, you are allowing an adult to live with the consequences of his own actions.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Your health and well being matter too.
What happens if one of these times the walls come crumbling down around you while you are in that burning building?
Who's going to save you?
I would keep the focus on myself, he is an adult, he can figure it out for himself.
You were not put on this earth to clean up his unhealthy life choices.
What happens if one of these times the walls come crumbling down around you while you are in that burning building?
Who's going to save you?
I would keep the focus on myself, he is an adult, he can figure it out for himself.
You were not put on this earth to clean up his unhealthy life choices.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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It took me a long time to realize that these people are actual@y adults (who act like children) who can fend for themselves if we let them.
I only try to save people to quell my feelings of guilt,anxiety,insecurity. It really isn,t for them.
I only try to save people to quell my feelings of guilt,anxiety,insecurity. It really isn,t for them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 38
I do realize that he is an adult, actually that random thought is making me see that I know I'd like to save him but since he doesn't want to be saved, it's not my job! At this point in time he is the only one who can save himself!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Shari, not only can you not save him, but every time you run into the building, you are getting burned yourself. Don't forget that part. There's the futility of your actions AND the great harm done to yourself.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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Originally Posted by DreamsofSerenity 
Shari, not only can you not save him, but every time you run into the building, you are getting burned yourself. Don't forget that part. There's the futility of your actions AND the great harm done to yourself.
It's noble to save someone who is truly helpless and in need of saving, but foolish to endanger yourself for someone who is neither of those things.
Take care of yourself.
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