I'm Scared..Lordy, Lordy
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I'm Scared..Lordy, Lordy
Feeling a little unnerved right now. Tomorrow I head out for a two day solo trip to attend a music fest. It's a 3 hour drive through the mountains. When planned, I was still drinking and going with a drinking buddy. Plans changed when I quit drinking and I was to attend with my sister whom I thought was going to be sober also. Plans changed again when she decided she preferred to continue drinking. I tried a few friends who would have been good companions and with whom I know I would not be uncertain about keeping my sobriety. Everyone was busy....
So I decided to go it alone. I made the decision and felt good about it...been looking forward to it ever since. I head out tomorrow morning. Today I had some sort of mental shift. I started thinking ahead (which I think may be part of the problem). I was mentally playing out in pictures what tomorrow might look like and things took a bad turn. I started thinking about going out for dinner alone.and how maybe a glass of wine would be nice. I was "romanticizing" the dinner..and the drink. My rational brain was like "WTF??" ..where the hell is this coming from? I haven't had any of these thoughts before? I had a visit with my therapist earlier this week. I thought she might help me mentally prepare. She did not. I think she was having a bad day...she seemed off. Or was it me? I dunno. She just figures it would be good for me to alone....
Well today I got to thinking about how much time I spent drinking alone...amusing myself with wine..rather than reaching out to friends or making plans. I spent many an eve perfectly happy to putter around my house with my wine...my buddy...my friend. I've spent much of my life...alone. So now I'm feeling ticked off with my freaking therapist and I don't think that's so healthy for my sobriety either!
Anyways..a bit unnerved. Will be taking my computer with me...so will check in with SR when back at my hotel. I know I have to just not think bout tomorrow and get back to my "face every moment when you get there" philosophy for my sobriety. I don't need to worry if I will feel awkward alone...with other people. I just wanted to put this all out there to you guys. Sorry it's so long.
Typically, in my real life... I have no desire to return to my old one...but this ain't real life ya see...it's a vacation...my only one for the summer...out of the "norm" (and I know what my slippery lil addiction might want to do with that)
So I'm scared..for the first time in my baby sobriety. I'm going...no doubt about that...but ya, I'm scared. I said it. I'm going to see one of my favourite artists from childhood. His record Dream of a Child (yup record album you youngins) was the first I ever bought with my own money...saved up allowances. So I thought including this tune was fitting. He's a lot older now....lol...so am I.
Burton Cummings "I'm Scared" - YouTube
So I decided to go it alone. I made the decision and felt good about it...been looking forward to it ever since. I head out tomorrow morning. Today I had some sort of mental shift. I started thinking ahead (which I think may be part of the problem). I was mentally playing out in pictures what tomorrow might look like and things took a bad turn. I started thinking about going out for dinner alone.and how maybe a glass of wine would be nice. I was "romanticizing" the dinner..and the drink. My rational brain was like "WTF??" ..where the hell is this coming from? I haven't had any of these thoughts before? I had a visit with my therapist earlier this week. I thought she might help me mentally prepare. She did not. I think she was having a bad day...she seemed off. Or was it me? I dunno. She just figures it would be good for me to alone....
Well today I got to thinking about how much time I spent drinking alone...amusing myself with wine..rather than reaching out to friends or making plans. I spent many an eve perfectly happy to putter around my house with my wine...my buddy...my friend. I've spent much of my life...alone. So now I'm feeling ticked off with my freaking therapist and I don't think that's so healthy for my sobriety either!
Anyways..a bit unnerved. Will be taking my computer with me...so will check in with SR when back at my hotel. I know I have to just not think bout tomorrow and get back to my "face every moment when you get there" philosophy for my sobriety. I don't need to worry if I will feel awkward alone...with other people. I just wanted to put this all out there to you guys. Sorry it's so long.
Typically, in my real life... I have no desire to return to my old one...but this ain't real life ya see...it's a vacation...my only one for the summer...out of the "norm" (and I know what my slippery lil addiction might want to do with that)
So I'm scared..for the first time in my baby sobriety. I'm going...no doubt about that...but ya, I'm scared. I said it. I'm going to see one of my favourite artists from childhood. His record Dream of a Child (yup record album you youngins) was the first I ever bought with my own money...saved up allowances. So I thought including this tune was fitting. He's a lot older now....lol...so am I.
Burton Cummings "I'm Scared" - YouTube
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 140
Hey sweetie,
Don't be scared. You've got enough tough for three people and you can definitely do this if you decide to. You know why your brain is going through all of these images - reaching for the glass of wine etc. And once you start entertaining the images they cycle.
Entertain a new image. Don't fight with the wine, just turn gently away from it, because it doesn't matter. It's not even important enough to get in a fight with. Just turn away from it and look at a new image - you at a music festival with a diet coke in your hand. Loving the music because you're sober and you know this time you're actually going to remember it a week from now. Food tastes good, drinking water feels AMAZING because you're properly thirsty and healthy. You're happy and fricken alive for all the right reasons.
Use this thread to keep posting - I'll check up on you all weekend, promise
xxx
Don't be scared. You've got enough tough for three people and you can definitely do this if you decide to. You know why your brain is going through all of these images - reaching for the glass of wine etc. And once you start entertaining the images they cycle.
Entertain a new image. Don't fight with the wine, just turn gently away from it, because it doesn't matter. It's not even important enough to get in a fight with. Just turn away from it and look at a new image - you at a music festival with a diet coke in your hand. Loving the music because you're sober and you know this time you're actually going to remember it a week from now. Food tastes good, drinking water feels AMAZING because you're properly thirsty and healthy. You're happy and fricken alive for all the right reasons.
Use this thread to keep posting - I'll check up on you all weekend, promise
xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Ah... the old romantic wine with dinner scenario. I don't know about anybody else but I'd cook a lovely dinner, not eat it as it would interfere with the wine consumption, then absolutely scoff the dinner luke warm once 2 bottles had been consumed, often dropping half of it down my front... Mmmm and who said romance was dead? 
Project forwards to waking up feeling brilliant in the hotel and having breakfast with a smile on your face and ready for another day of music.
I hope you have a fantastic time, and please try not to build up the anxiety too much before you go - we all know where anxiety gets us!
Project forwards to waking up feeling brilliant in the hotel and having breakfast with a smile on your face and ready for another day of music.
I hope you have a fantastic time, and please try not to build up the anxiety too much before you go - we all know where anxiety gets us!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Nuudawn 
I started thinking ahead (which I think may be part of the problem).
"round and round we go, where we stop nobody knows"
Take it easy and take it one day at a time. If you feel your sobriety threatened then walk away. Take some deep breaths and say a prayer.
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
Ah... the old romantic wine with dinner scenario. I don't know about anybody else but I'd cook a lovely dinner, not eat it as it would interfere with the wine consumption, then absolutely scoff the dinner luke warm once 2 bottles had been consumed, often dropping half of it down my front
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Hey dawn, I'm not stalking your posts honest! I was just reading the what is recovery forum and saw your post below...
You've got this. You CAN do it. Enjoying a music festival poison free? Nothing cooler. Have faith in yourself and a brilliant time!
You've got this. You CAN do it. Enjoying a music festival poison free? Nothing cooler. Have faith in yourself and a brilliant time!
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
I don't know where to post a thread anymore. I don't know where to find someone I can discuss my headspace with lately. I struggle to help those romanticizing poison.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by GracieLou
I resemble that post. Just switch wine to whiskey.
Or c) trying to keep it in my stomach in the morning
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Just think how wonderful and empowered you will feel at the end of this journey having gone through this without drinking! That is the vision I am keeping in my head for a two-week trip I am headed on this weekend. Maybe holding a vision for you would work too?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
IMO I wouldn't go but I'm still weak after 30+ years. I need to remind myself that I'm dealing with something cunning, baffling and insidious which is ready to pounce even after all these years. But as my kids say "your old fashioned" Yep and still sober from an old fashioned concept of not picking up the first drink and staying away from slippery places. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I travel a lot, and it's almost always alone. I understand your fears, have been there.
Sure this is a test, but through therapy and other efforts you seem like you're well prepared. Nothing wrong with being nervous, that is natural. Always keep something to drink with you - water, soda, etc. And try your best to keep your expectations reasonable. Try and not put too much pressure on yourself to "have the time of your life" or anything. Just go, enjoy the music, and have plenty of exit strategies on hand. When you get tired, go back to the hotel or campsite or wherever you're staying - don't try and stick it out and party late into the night. Also remember that there will be plenty of people who might offer you a drink, and at music fests people often look for someone to hang out with for the weekend. Since you are going alone, it's only natural that you might look for some kindred spirits. Be careful and don't get trapped into joining a gang - getting too friendly in a group dynamic can often lead to a situation where you're in a position of less control. Make sure YOU have control of where YOU will be at all times.
Driving home from this weekend with your sobriety intact will be the ultimate reward, in the end. Keep that in mind, and the rest should fall into place.
Sure this is a test, but through therapy and other efforts you seem like you're well prepared. Nothing wrong with being nervous, that is natural. Always keep something to drink with you - water, soda, etc. And try your best to keep your expectations reasonable. Try and not put too much pressure on yourself to "have the time of your life" or anything. Just go, enjoy the music, and have plenty of exit strategies on hand. When you get tired, go back to the hotel or campsite or wherever you're staying - don't try and stick it out and party late into the night. Also remember that there will be plenty of people who might offer you a drink, and at music fests people often look for someone to hang out with for the weekend. Since you are going alone, it's only natural that you might look for some kindred spirits. Be careful and don't get trapped into joining a gang - getting too friendly in a group dynamic can often lead to a situation where you're in a position of less control. Make sure YOU have control of where YOU will be at all times.
Driving home from this weekend with your sobriety intact will be the ultimate reward, in the end. Keep that in mind, and the rest should fall into place.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hey, Dawn, you've come a long way, baby!
And this vacation is your real life, it's part of your present, sober life!
I do understand about going away alone, and being alone a good deal of the time, esp with a bottle of vino in tow, and for one, I feel a bit awkward to say the least eating dinner out alone. Many's the time I've ordered one glass, then....another....then, picked up a bottle for the hotel room.
I agree with Huxley, visualisation of drinking a nice cold water/soda whilst listening to the music, is an excellent idea.
I also agree with Sombrero, take care of your personal space, whilst enjoying interaction with others at the fest.
Have a safe and fun drive to the festival, blast the music as you drive, enjoy all nuances of the festival in your new skin...this is the nuu you....you!!
And this vacation is your real life, it's part of your present, sober life!
I do understand about going away alone, and being alone a good deal of the time, esp with a bottle of vino in tow, and for one, I feel a bit awkward to say the least eating dinner out alone. Many's the time I've ordered one glass, then....another....then, picked up a bottle for the hotel room.
I agree with Huxley, visualisation of drinking a nice cold water/soda whilst listening to the music, is an excellent idea.
I also agree with Sombrero, take care of your personal space, whilst enjoying interaction with others at the fest.
Have a safe and fun drive to the festival, blast the music as you drive, enjoy all nuances of the festival in your new skin...this is the nuu you....you!!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Thank you, thank you thank you!!! You guys are a lifeline..without a doubt. For some reason I felt really awkward about posting that last night but I am SO GLAD I did. I leave in a couple hours. I'm bringing my laptop..and yes, I do have a smartphone..thank you all so much. Soooooo much wisdom here.
Mytimenow..nice work with posting my own thoughts a couple weeks ago. That's the headspace I want back...it's POISON. I feel fortified now for the roadtrip...and I'll be back. And yes, this is my LIFE now...bang on. Thank you thank you thank you...
Mytimenow..nice work with posting my own thoughts a couple weeks ago. That's the headspace I want back...it's POISON. I feel fortified now for the roadtrip...and I'll be back. And yes, this is my LIFE now...bang on. Thank you thank you thank you...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Thank you, thank you thank you!!! You guys are a lifeline..without a doubt. For some reason I felt really awkward about posting that last night but I am SO GLAD I did. I leave in a couple hours. I'm bringing my laptop..and yes, I do have a smartphone..thank you all so much. Soooooo much wisdom here.
Mytimenow..nice work with posting my own thoughts a couple weeks ago. That's the headspace I want back...it's POISON. I feel fortified now for the roadtrip...and I'll be back. And yes, this is my LIFE now...bang on. Thank you thank you thank you...
Mytimenow..nice work with posting my own thoughts a couple weeks ago. That's the headspace I want back...it's POISON. I feel fortified now for the roadtrip...and I'll be back. And yes, this is my LIFE now...bang on. Thank you thank you thank you...
Wish I could fly over and join you. Weekend of a lifetime, not only a little road trip on your own, but a sober one. A huge thing to add to personal list of achievements
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Oh an P.S. I should add that after reading all those wonderful responses, I no longer feel like I'm going...alone. I feel your spirit all going along with me...lol. Everybody needs a little SR to walk the road with. Amazing.
(MTN nice work on killing the romance ; )
(MTN nice work on killing the romance ; )
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The Emerald City
Posts: 434
I can't add more to the excellent advice already given here, but I'm totally thinking positive thoughts for you Nuudawn. Count me in as another SR friend supporting you in spirit to have a fantastic vacation with wonderfully refreshing mornings.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
