FreeDance

Hi,

I'm now just about over Day 3... and I have four weeks of absolutely hellacious travel and work pressure. There are people I see with some regularity who are used to me drinking wine. My "AV" keeps saying, "Well, you could have a glass or two at that one party," or "Maybe just the fourth week kick back while you're at the end of it," etc.

I would like the courage to say, "I don't drink," but I'm always SO afraid that I might return to it and people I've told would know it's a problem... Does that make sense? Is that a normal thought?

Maybe it's okay for now to say, "I'm taking a break from it for my health" or something. Is that wrong?

Someone else I know who's quitting says she practices being chic and confident saying nonchalantly, "No thanks. I don't drink." I want to get there, but I don't know... I guess it's a hard commitment!!

Meanwhile, thanks for all the messages -- both in reply to me and to others. It helps so much to come here and read and share and read some more...

KittyH

Man oh Man..... I feel like I can understand this one. I havent completely quit yet (which isnt good) but I cant seem to bring myself to even say this to my husband. And being a singer, I might as well light myself on fire than to say this to a fan. I wish I had great advice to give you but I dont. Just know that I really understand where you are coming from and I think, for the both of us, we will know when the time comes and when it does its going to be very freeing and uplifting and empowering........ I wish you so much luck and good things !!!

suki44883

A day at a time.

"I'm not drinking tonight."

No explanations needed.

Dee74

I was terrified to do this in the beginning.
I had huge long essays to explain why I was not drinking.

The more I stayed sober tho the less I feared change and the more I liked the sober me who was emerging, and the life he was building.

Your addiction will make a BIG HUGE DEAL out of this...but it's not.

Noone really cares if I drink or not, unless they have some kind of vested interest in me drinking.

These days I know that all is required is 'no thanks' - if your friends give you a hard time, you need to find new friends - one who'll support you in making healthy decisions for yourself.

D

princy

Build confidence in you and say no to drinking because people who are recovering from rinks they will have less will power at beginning but once they developed they could have a better and healthy life at the future.. That's really Good that you are off 3 days, maintain and continue it..

All the best..

Jeni26

I've found the only people who really cared about me drinking were those with their own issues. Many of my friendships have either cooled or changed completely in nature. Other friendships ( with those who have no issues of their own with alcohol!) have really grown.

Everyone knows I don't drink now. It's no big deal. If I'm offered I just say 'no thanks' and change the subject.

Carlotta

What about just saying: eeehhh, not now but I'd love an ice cold (put the name of a soft drink here).
You will realize that most people could not care less whether you are drinking or not. The people trying to push the booze on you are either not real friends and like to see you getting drunk or alcoholic themselves who need other drinkers around so they don't stick out.

visch1

From Dee above: "These days I know that all is required is 'no thanks' - if your friends give you a hard time, you need to find new friends - one who'll support you in making healthy decisions for yourself."

So true and a great KISS! BE WELL

instant

I did "health kick" and "doesnt mix the meds the Doc put me on". Over time I came to see that if someone has an issue with me not drinking its them that has work to do.

I put it in the same category as not smoking, or not having sugar.

Time heals

Huxley

All brilliant responses. I know what you mean about wanting to have the courage to tell people, or feeling like you're copping out if you don't, but in the end, whatever works for you is the right thing.

I've used all of the above at different times. Sometimes I've used different, contradictory reasons with the same person, been caught out and just laughed it off. It's none of their business! I've been in recovery for nearly a year and a half now (wow...never thought I'd see that written down!) and am very open about it. But if my boss asked me, I'd probably lie and say it's because I work out. I don't think it's hypocritical - I think it's my decision.

But the bit about not wanting people to know in case you go back to it? I think that's the bit you should examine...

xxx

Sonrisa12

At the end of the day, I find that you don't owe an explanation to anyone as to why you don't drink. Saying not tonight works wonders... then the next time.. again, saying no, not tonight. Next time? No, not tonight. If they ask why? Say, well, why not? Its good to take a break here and there.

You may get the "come on" and "just have one" comments, but just hold their gaze a second before responding and say a direct, no. And smile and say thank you though. Usually that works wonders and you aren't being facetious, just responding in a way that puts the onus back on the other person as to why its so important for them that you drink. Usually -that will do the trick. Stand firm, but smile. Works for me!

I find that people asking and wanting to know the why usually have problems themselves - and it make them uncomfortable when you stop drinking. So be it. Not your problem. The only person you have to answer to and for is yourself

Good luck out there!

OneLessLonely

I found that saying that I was on a health kick/cleanse really did the trick for awhile. After awhile I got confidence saying various different responses, and truly started caring less if people even accept it.

Junegirl

I do what Carlotta said and it works well. People want to be gracious hosts and give you *something*. I say, "no beer/wine/cocktail for me but do you have tea/sprite/soda water? Only one person has asked me if I'm not drinking and I said I'm trying to get healthier, which is true.

June

David10

I just say I quit for health reasons. No more questions after that but some people do nag I ignore them.

Itchy

If I had kept drinking what "they," whoever "they" are for each, thinks of me would not matter. The guest of honor at the funeral doesn't hear the Eulogy, and whether "they" thought well of us or damned us with faint praise. Remember, living well is the best revenge.

ITSGOTIME

I am on day 6, after work today I was asked to go for a drink with everyone and I said.... I don't drink anymore. They all laughed at me and said ya right. And you know what it didn't bother me at all. I actually felt good saying it and it made me smile.