i don't know what to say at this point
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 119
i don't know what to say at this point
to be honest, i have not been coming on here more recently because things are going great.
i'm noticing though, that i barely get any 'thank you's for any of my comments.
i don't know what i'm supposed to learn from that.
i've clearly seen where i've helped steer people in better directions and said intelligent things and people will not hit the 'thank you' button for me and then someone else rolls in and gets like five billion thank yous.
now that i've brought it up though, every 'thank you' after will seem like a lie.
i have to think it's a popularity contest and want little part of that.
i realize this is not a big issue, but everytime on come on here, it's there for me.
when i come here or go to meetings i learn, in my own way, from what people say and appreciate them saying it and think this is a big part of recovery, so why this is troubling for me.
i don't know. i'm presenting a lose-lose situation and that's awful for me.
i know it's my nature to be the black sheep, but i figure this place would be full of enough of them to have a flock.
i don't know. i feel like if i say the sky is blue here when it is, i get ignored unless i use recovery language that i don't know and for many reasons may never use.
it is difficult to be in this position and very hard to believe no one else is.
sorry.
i'll be working on becoming more healthy and see where things go from there.
i know i just blew it for myself, but maybe helped some one else.
i will have to keep on and shrug it off. loving you all makes me feel better and i do.
i'm noticing though, that i barely get any 'thank you's for any of my comments.
i don't know what i'm supposed to learn from that.
i've clearly seen where i've helped steer people in better directions and said intelligent things and people will not hit the 'thank you' button for me and then someone else rolls in and gets like five billion thank yous.
now that i've brought it up though, every 'thank you' after will seem like a lie.
i have to think it's a popularity contest and want little part of that.
i realize this is not a big issue, but everytime on come on here, it's there for me.
when i come here or go to meetings i learn, in my own way, from what people say and appreciate them saying it and think this is a big part of recovery, so why this is troubling for me.
i don't know. i'm presenting a lose-lose situation and that's awful for me.
i know it's my nature to be the black sheep, but i figure this place would be full of enough of them to have a flock.
i don't know. i feel like if i say the sky is blue here when it is, i get ignored unless i use recovery language that i don't know and for many reasons may never use.
it is difficult to be in this position and very hard to believe no one else is.
sorry.
i'll be working on becoming more healthy and see where things go from there.
i know i just blew it for myself, but maybe helped some one else.
i will have to keep on and shrug it off. loving you all makes me feel better and i do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Olympia, Washington, USA
Posts: 135
There are so many posts on here and I sometimes answer a lot of them, and then I can't find my posts again, or I have one I want to remember to recheck, and then I forget what it was! Happily and sadly there are sooo many people on this website! I don't think it would ever be anything personal if you don't get a response to some posts. I am personally glad you are here! To you and everyone on here who understands what I'm going through, better than my own family, friends, or coworkers!! I always know I can come on here and post a question and get help! And if I respond to someone else's post, I never get a snide comment from someone who disagrees and tries to make me feel stupid! That always makes you feel so angry! So I love that the people here are not like that! I am worried as things continue to go well, I might start coming here less! I do the 24-hour club and so I'm committed to being here at least once a day! It looks like you joined about the same time I did; I'm on day 23! Soon it will be a month! Keep up the good work! Have a great weekend!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Well the thank you button drives me crazy sometimes. I have pressed it many times and I get an I'm not authorized to use this. Then sometimes it works. Half the time I just forget it is there.
I am thankful for ALL the post that people take the time to write out, even yours.
It is only a popularity contest if you make it out to be one.
I'm sorry you feel this way, your posts are just as important as everyone elses.
I am thankful for ALL the post that people take the time to write out, even yours.
It is only a popularity contest if you make it out to be one.
I'm sorry you feel this way, your posts are just as important as everyone elses.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 119
haha, that's humorous Natty, but please do. i vote for you too.
Alexa, that's great. my issue is not getting responses, sometimes i get too many!
it's just the advise department. i feel i say intelligent things to people at times and clearly see the whole conversation go in a better direction because of it and i barely get the 'thanks' button responses and then some one else will get tons of them.
like what's the problem?
it's not like that in recovery from what i've found the most helpful part about it!
people can say hi, i'm an alcoholic & i tied my shoes today & i'd clap.
i know this seems like a minor issue, but i must mention it because i know it is affecting me.
give me some pointer or a clue maybe, but i'm being skipped on thanks and really don't know why.
anyone who's hesitant or shy, chime in too. i thank you in advance for it.
it's just i'm getting the message that i'm unhelpful and it's clear that i am not. so what's the issue?
i am suffering too, so yes i know this will flip some people, be gentle on me.
Alexa, that's great. my issue is not getting responses, sometimes i get too many!
it's just the advise department. i feel i say intelligent things to people at times and clearly see the whole conversation go in a better direction because of it and i barely get the 'thanks' button responses and then some one else will get tons of them.
like what's the problem?
it's not like that in recovery from what i've found the most helpful part about it!
people can say hi, i'm an alcoholic & i tied my shoes today & i'd clap.
i know this seems like a minor issue, but i must mention it because i know it is affecting me.
give me some pointer or a clue maybe, but i'm being skipped on thanks and really don't know why.
anyone who's hesitant or shy, chime in too. i thank you in advance for it.
it's just i'm getting the message that i'm unhelpful and it's clear that i am not. so what's the issue?
i am suffering too, so yes i know this will flip some people, be gentle on me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
This is the second time this has come up this week.
I'd hate anyone to take it personally when I don't 'thank' them - but seriously - I read *hundreds* of posts a day...I simply can't thank each one...
and I'll reckon I'll be thanking less and less as the site gets bigger and bigger.
Rest assured tho - I value the time and effort that every one puts in here
D
I'd hate anyone to take it personally when I don't 'thank' them - but seriously - I read *hundreds* of posts a day...I simply can't thank each one...
and I'll reckon I'll be thanking less and less as the site gets bigger and bigger.
Rest assured tho - I value the time and effort that every one puts in here
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
iwh,
I'll admit I'm probably too lazy to bother 'thanking' posts. I scroll down using my keyboard so cant be bothered to mouse over to the 'thanks' button. Certainly doesn't mean I am skipping yours or anyone's posts. Here's a thanks!
I'll admit I'm probably too lazy to bother 'thanking' posts. I scroll down using my keyboard so cant be bothered to mouse over to the 'thanks' button. Certainly doesn't mean I am skipping yours or anyone's posts. Here's a thanks!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I know others who don't work here who read hundreds of posts every day too
Look, I know what it's like to feel sensitive and lack self esteem and yet also feel resentful at a percieved slight - I think most of us have felt that way.
I really do think this is the most welcoming friendly place tho - don't read too much into thanks buttons
D
Look, I know what it's like to feel sensitive and lack self esteem and yet also feel resentful at a percieved slight - I think most of us have felt that way.
I really do think this is the most welcoming friendly place tho - don't read too much into thanks buttons
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 119
i know the people that administer & moderate this site are great, this is not about that.
i just don't know what the issue is, but i know it comes up for me and learned in recovery that i had to discuss it.
if everyone just made me feel like it's no big deal, i guess i should go with that, i'll sleep better tonight, but when we see something getting in the way like this or anything, we need to discuss it here.
may seem trivial to other people, but i know it was bothering me.
none of this explains the phenomena of some people getting no thanks and some getting tons based on equally intelligent replies.
i may be settled for the night, but it's an issue and not sure it's been resolved yet.
i just don't know what the issue is, but i know it comes up for me and learned in recovery that i had to discuss it.
if everyone just made me feel like it's no big deal, i guess i should go with that, i'll sleep better tonight, but when we see something getting in the way like this or anything, we need to discuss it here.
may seem trivial to other people, but i know it was bothering me.
none of this explains the phenomena of some people getting no thanks and some getting tons based on equally intelligent replies.
i may be settled for the night, but it's an issue and not sure it's been resolved yet.
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
I can perhaps go some way to resolving it for you. A huge number of us started off in this forum probably just like you. But we then migrated to some of the more permanent threads, more than one of them. All the "Class of...." or the "30 Days and under...." titles you see.
Then what happens is you tend to build relationships because that becomes your regular posting hang out. Then you just get used to hitting thanks when anyone of your pals post, even if it's a load of drivel
If you"re just constantly posting in this forum, it is by its very nature the first port of call for Newcomers and is much more transitory.
So go investigate some of the more "clubby" threads and get involved with them. I can't guarantee it'll make you any more popular though. Hasn't worked out that well for me
((((( - cue weeping string
orchestra, tissues at the ready, tear-stained iPads etc.
Then what happens is you tend to build relationships because that becomes your regular posting hang out. Then you just get used to hitting thanks when anyone of your pals post, even if it's a load of drivel
If you"re just constantly posting in this forum, it is by its very nature the first port of call for Newcomers and is much more transitory.
So go investigate some of the more "clubby" threads and get involved with them. I can't guarantee it'll make you any more popular though. Hasn't worked out that well for me
((((( - cue weeping stringorchestra, tissues at the ready, tear-stained iPads etc.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 119
yeah Natty, i don't care about popularity, but don't want to be a ghost.
like hay balls and crickets chime in when i say something.
then i look at what i said and it's fine & intelligent and often clearly made a difference for the better.
people don't want to here me whine about this, but it's an issue, a dead horse now, and we move on. yay!
like hay balls and crickets chime in when i say something.
then i look at what i said and it's fine & intelligent and often clearly made a difference for the better.
people don't want to here me whine about this, but it's an issue, a dead horse now, and we move on. yay!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
If people respond to your thread, you are not a ghost.
Don't take everything so personally. If you are here to get well, or to help others get well, take comfort in that. Don't worry about whether or not you get "thanks." That's not what this place is about.
Don't take everything so personally. If you are here to get well, or to help others get well, take comfort in that. Don't worry about whether or not you get "thanks." That's not what this place is about.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
A lot of us become so insular as drinkers it takes a while to remember what real human relationships are like, even on things like web forums
don't sweat it too much iwh, or overthink stuff - you're doing fine
D
don't sweat it too much iwh, or overthink stuff - you're doing fine
D
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