MamaKit

I am having a tough day. My XAH has moved back to this coast and has regular visits with our boys 9 and 11. These visits have been going reasonably well for the boys. My oldest has always been anxious....but when dad was on the other coast, it was practically gone. Dad has been back for 2.5 months but just this week my oldest started having anxiety about seeing him. It was so severe this morning ....there was no way he could go. I struggled with how to handle it with XAH. We only communicate by email. I decided to just tell the truth and not dance around the reality of the situation for fear of upsetting him. I was kind and sensitive to how he would feel hearing it but I didn't make up some other reason.
I am typing on my phone so I won't recount my whole story. But bottom line is that XAH started this ball rolling with his threats last year and his years of drinking and verbal abuse. Sadly, my oldest was all too aware and has been subjected to a lot ....moreso than his brother who.is the easier kid.
Did I make a mistake being truthful?
I am being accused of using this as a custody ploy.....( yet, I dropped off my youngest with him today). I am being told this anxiety is all my doing. I guess I should not care what he thinks...but I am so tired of a battle every time I turn around. It drains me.
Any advice, wisdom, encouragement?
MamaKit

LexieCat

I think I would suggest getting your son to see a counselor. The counselor might be able to get at what is causing his anxiety--whether it is just the memory of how things were before, or whether it is something currently going on. If it is something currently going on, then you will have a better idea how to proceed. And if it is just old tapes that are playing, then the counselor might be able to work with him to make him less anxious.

Hugs,

MamaKit

Just booked the appointment. Next Thursday. I think tiny buttons are being pushed, playing old tapes again.

4MyBoys

MamaKit,

Seeing a counselor has worked wonder for my older son (10). He is very anxious also and has had a full blown anxiety attack at school because he was so nervous about seeing his Dad. It has been almost a year and he is like a new child. Granted we have rules the court has put in place to help issues from coming up. But it has helped him all around. They can help guid you and your son on how best to deal with situations like this in the future also.

Plus, if there really are issues the councelor can write letters to the court for you explaining what is going on.....Win, Win.

4MyBoys

bobbysocks

I agree- your son might benefit from counseling. No wonder the child is anxious and nervous! and no, being truthful is not a mistake. alcoholics never want to hear the truth about themselves. thats the last thing they want to hear. the battles we face round and round with an alcoholic is most definantly draining and exhausting. putting your son and yourself first i think is the best thing you can do IMO.