39 days sober and noticing a very bad side effect..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 42
39 days sober and noticing a very bad side effect..
39 days today 
but i have started noticing i cant stop being angry one i am.
Its kind of hard to describe but part of my drinking used to calm me down if i was in a bad mood/angry about something. But now ive stopped i cant calm down. a few times this month i have been p****d off and instead of calming down im actually like it for days.
does anybody else have this problem?
(my apologies for not explaining it well)
Two Worlds
but i have started noticing i cant stop being angry one i am. Its kind of hard to describe but part of my drinking used to calm me down if i was in a bad mood/angry about something. But now ive stopped i cant calm down. a few times this month i have been p****d off and instead of calming down im actually like it for days.
does anybody else have this problem?
(my apologies for not explaining it well)
Two Worlds
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
I had that the first time I stopped for a significant period of time. I was just angry at the world and myself for an entire 1 year of abstinence . I didn't think life was fair yeaddah yeaddah. I was white knuckling it then relapsed. Hard.
I had to retrain myself and have a change of attitude. I was diagnosed with a case of the "f..kits". Being negative to everything in life was a slippery slope for me.
Best of luck. Congrats on the 39 days.
I had to retrain myself and have a change of attitude. I was diagnosed with a case of the "f..kits". Being negative to everything in life was a slippery slope for me.
Best of luck. Congrats on the 39 days.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Rage was a big reason I drank, but I didn't realize it until I quit. Without my usual outlet for my anger, I fumed.
Truth was, when I was drinking because of anger I was still angry...it seethed underneath the alcohol. So drinking is not a solution, merely a stop gap.
There are ways to cope with being mad. We have to learn to do it sober. Take a deep breath and try to find some anger management techniques.
Truth was, when I was drinking because of anger I was still angry...it seethed underneath the alcohol. So drinking is not a solution, merely a stop gap.
There are ways to cope with being mad. We have to learn to do it sober. Take a deep breath and try to find some anger management techniques.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'm similar to Carl... Rage was something there underneath it all and fueled my drinking. But mine was so bad I knew I had rage... Couldn't even hide it. Others knew it too even though I managed to control myself around people.
When I stopped I went through a 20 day IOP that helped me get out some old emotions. Helped me tremendously to just dump it all in that group setting.
The rage and anger began to lessen as soon as I removed the alcohol. I put myself on a vitamin regimen, using specific vitamins, aminos, omega 3, and other stuff.
The rage is gone now. I'm able to process anger now and to act instead of reacting. I'm at 102 days sober.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
When I stopped I went through a 20 day IOP that helped me get out some old emotions. Helped me tremendously to just dump it all in that group setting.
The rage and anger began to lessen as soon as I removed the alcohol. I put myself on a vitamin regimen, using specific vitamins, aminos, omega 3, and other stuff.
The rage is gone now. I'm able to process anger now and to act instead of reacting. I'm at 102 days sober.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 206
Odd that you should pose this question.... I have recently been trying to work through a lot of my anger issues and was given a chapter from a book from my counselor. It was amazing to me how anger and drinking could so easily be swapped as I read through it. Basically, I read that anger often has short term payoffs that generally turn into long term negatives. I don't know about you, but that was my drinking, too.
Anger payoffs:
1. Anger reduces stress. The greater the stress, and the number of stressors, the more unpleasant is the arousal you feel. Anger discharges arousal, but only temporarily. Right after a blowup, people often feel oddly relaxed, like a weight has been lifted. Even though these effects are brief, the anger discharge can be highly reinforcing. But the stress comes back with a vengeance. Anger creates more anger, with you and for those around you. They get hurt and defensive and counterattack, and becaome less and less concerned about your needs and feelings.
2. Anger hides emotional pain. We learn that we can stop virtually any painful feeling if we can just get mad enough. But the consequences are that you don't let yourself experience feelings that may be important signals, offering guidance for what you need to do or stop doing in your life (ie, facing your guilt, depression, etc). Also, your feelings often get worse over time. Lastly, it becomes habitual and the anger reflex will go off at the slightest criticism, hurt or anxiety.
3. Anger gets you attention. Somtetimes it seems that no one listens to you unless you're yelling, or people get alamed and try to placate you. But some people don't respond to anger with attentive listening - they get defensive and tune you out, avoid you, or hold it against you. Others, who responded initially, get inured and hardened over time and begin to resent you and shut down.
4. Anger may be used for punishment and revenge. But each time you act on an impulse to punish or enact revenge, you make enemies, and the enemies often end up being the people you love and need most. Plus, your enemies end up wanting to punish you, turning it into a bitter struggle.
5. Anger helps you change others. We learn to use anger to extort things from others. WE coerce them with blowups, or the fear of blowups, into complying with our demands. In the short term, people often give you what you want. But in the long run, people turn off and turn away from you. They resent being controlled by fear. But worse is that it leaves you feeling helpless. When you're in pain, it always seems like the other person has to fix it and you feel powerless to overcome the problem yourself. By placing the responsibility to change a painful situation outside yourself, you start to feel helpless and depressed, and you're leaving others in charge of your pain and your life.
Sorry for the long post, but this reading really helped me to look at my anger from a different perspective. It made me realize that I was (am) using my anger the same way that I used alcohol - to deflect, to escape, to control, etc. Hope this helps you, too.
Anger payoffs:
1. Anger reduces stress. The greater the stress, and the number of stressors, the more unpleasant is the arousal you feel. Anger discharges arousal, but only temporarily. Right after a blowup, people often feel oddly relaxed, like a weight has been lifted. Even though these effects are brief, the anger discharge can be highly reinforcing. But the stress comes back with a vengeance. Anger creates more anger, with you and for those around you. They get hurt and defensive and counterattack, and becaome less and less concerned about your needs and feelings.
2. Anger hides emotional pain. We learn that we can stop virtually any painful feeling if we can just get mad enough. But the consequences are that you don't let yourself experience feelings that may be important signals, offering guidance for what you need to do or stop doing in your life (ie, facing your guilt, depression, etc). Also, your feelings often get worse over time. Lastly, it becomes habitual and the anger reflex will go off at the slightest criticism, hurt or anxiety.
3. Anger gets you attention. Somtetimes it seems that no one listens to you unless you're yelling, or people get alamed and try to placate you. But some people don't respond to anger with attentive listening - they get defensive and tune you out, avoid you, or hold it against you. Others, who responded initially, get inured and hardened over time and begin to resent you and shut down.
4. Anger may be used for punishment and revenge. But each time you act on an impulse to punish or enact revenge, you make enemies, and the enemies often end up being the people you love and need most. Plus, your enemies end up wanting to punish you, turning it into a bitter struggle.
5. Anger helps you change others. We learn to use anger to extort things from others. WE coerce them with blowups, or the fear of blowups, into complying with our demands. In the short term, people often give you what you want. But in the long run, people turn off and turn away from you. They resent being controlled by fear. But worse is that it leaves you feeling helpless. When you're in pain, it always seems like the other person has to fix it and you feel powerless to overcome the problem yourself. By placing the responsibility to change a painful situation outside yourself, you start to feel helpless and depressed, and you're leaving others in charge of your pain and your life.
Sorry for the long post, but this reading really helped me to look at my anger from a different perspective. It made me realize that I was (am) using my anger the same way that I used alcohol - to deflect, to escape, to control, etc. Hope this helps you, too.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Great post Noexcuse. I agree. I know that anger and my alcohol use were very much intertwined. Having turned to alcohol when angry...well, I didn't learn any coping mechanisms otherwise. Emotions are a stranger I am now seeking to know and understand. I know that behind anger is often hurt and fear so I often ..when angry..need to figure out what I am either hurt about ..or afraid of. If I allow my anger full reign and hurl it at others...ya..not a whole lot of clarity there. I'm just dumping my righteous crap with little regard for what's going on with them..but boy it can feel good at the time. Just another escape from clarity..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
As is often stated miss handled feelings are the major reasons we drank. Until we learn to live with our feelings life can be miserable and we drink. Anger is a big feeling that's common with alcoholics which for many is hard to admit to let alone work on. BE WELL
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