brownie374

I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. I discovered this site through googling "help i'm an alcoholic". What can I say? It's a Godsend. But as stated above I feel so overwhelmed right now. I don't know where to start on my journey to sobriety. I can definitely say AA is not for me. I simply have no interest in it. Please forgive me as I know this post will be all over the place. I have so much to say but feel that I cannot at this time properly articulate myself.

Here's a bit about myself. I am a 42 year old female. My dad is an alcoholic but has been sober for at least 30 years. There is little that I remember about his days of alcoholism but I knew that as a result of it growing up I always said I would never become one. I did pretty well until around the age of 39(?). I've been going downhill since then. It has gotten to the point where I have to drink everyday. Not just one drink. Most days a bottle or 2 of wine. On occasion vodka or rum or wine and rum/vodka. I have suffered from depression/anxiety for as long as I can remember and have taken meds for these issues. However, for about the last 3 years or so have stopped because they would interfere with my drinking. I am slowly killing myself and I really need help but don't know where to start. I want to detox but from the stories I have been reading it won't be as easy as I thought. I just started a job recently and cannot take off the time I would take for me to detox and I don't work a desk job (in fact it would be dangerous for me to detox while working because of the work that I do). Can anyone point me in the right direction?

Newatthis34

Hi Brownie and welcome! If you don't want to do AA check out the secular connections forum here on SR. There's a wealth of information on Rational Recovery/AVRT there and plenty of clever and supportive people to thrash out issues and questions you may have. Also join us over on the July thread for those of us quitting this month.

ippochick

hello brownie.

welcome to SR. the support here is incredible. I'm sure somebody with more experience than me will be along soon. just wanted to say well done for taking this first important step.

Elisabeth888

Hi and welcome!

You might try googling outpatient detoxes in your area. A woman in my town went through one and they give you your meds at night.

Huxley

Hey hon

You came here, so you're already facing the right direction

Take the time off work. It'll only be a week, and it's a week invested in every part of your life, including your career. People get flu in their first weeks of a new job; it might annoy your boss a little but they'll have forgotten within a few days and you'll be on your way to a future. An actual future, like you don't feel you have right now.

Take care of yourself first. You'll hear it over and over here - everything comes second to your recovery. You can deal with the rest of your life later.

And keep posting - this place is a life-saver.

xxx

visch1

" I can definitely say AA is not for me. I simply have no interest in it." I used to have what was referred to as a terminal uniqueness and was scared of AA without knowing anything about it. All I heard is it works for millions for 75 years and is a fellowship of attraction. I came to find out this malady I have needs vigorous honesty to be overcome and stay at a distance because it is never defeated even when we think we're ok. Yes I've had a few "bad" experiences over the 30+ years I've gone but I've had FAR more here at home. I have to accept that all people are not saints, but far more have more qualities than the general public. And yes this site has a quality of people to be admired and very helpful if it's accepted by the people that need it. BE WELL

newpower

I say goto aa and give it a try.

I knew getting waisted every night wasn't for me but I still did it until I went to aa a few times and realized I wasn't alone.

You can beat this we all can one day at a time.

aa is free and its anonymous it's worth giving it a real good go.

hayley86

Hi Brownie,
You have made a great first step recognising that you need to change your behaviour and get sober before it gets any worse. Have you spoken to your doctor?. They can offer lots of support and advice if your worried about detoxing. Another point... I wouldn't necessarily rule out anything like AA just yet if you want to get sober. Have a good look around and speak to people on here lots of people use many different methods for recovery. The more info you have on the different methods like AA or AVRT the better informed you will be about what might suit you.

Take care.

Pondlady

Welcome brownie,
Maybe make an appointment to speak with your doc about the drinking and not taking your meds? I know my antidepressants work more effectively since I'm sober. We think the alcohol helps with anxiety and depression, but it just makes it worse....a vicious circle.

Your job is important, but without your health, you won't be able to do your job......call the doc...yes?

Louise82

Welcome to SR! I just wanted to say hi and to echo all the great advice on this thread. If you give an AA meeting a try, you might be pleasantly surprised. It may be completely different to what you're expecting it to be. Even if you've been to a meeting before, meetings and groups can differ wildly in atmosphere, types of people, tone, format and much more, even in the same neighbourhood. So check out different meetings.

And as others have said, they're lots of other recovery programs/methods/tools/techniques - AVRT, Rational Recovery, LifeRing, SOS, SMART...look around the forums and you'll find information and thoughts on all of these.

Anna

Welcome,

My suggestion is to talk to your dr. If he thinks it's okay, you may be able to detox at home and the worst time is usually the first three or four days, so you wouldn't really need to much work if you planned it over a weekend.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease so the sooner you stop the better.

Allison10

im no expert, but what worked for me before, if you have the control, is to decrease the amt you drink by 2 drinks a day. I would only buy that amount. good luck!

brownie374

thanks everyone for the warm welcome.

@newatthis34. I will definitely have to look into that info you gave me. I am totally new to this site and am still finding my way around but will definitely look into every one of those topics.

brownie374

@elisabeth888 - Thanks! I hadn't even thought of that

brownie374

@Huxley. I should have stated that I am currently on my first week of vacation from my job. today is my last day off. I wish I had the mindset to do something about quitting before I had actually started this vacation. I do have another week coming up in September but I want to be able to start my journey of sobriety before then. Also, I had to take time off when I first started because of the death of a family member. So, of course, I don't want to push it. I love this job.

JettBoy

Hi Brownie,I get overwhelmed all the time, what I do is I don't or try not to project,they say a day at a time,I have to keep it an hour at a time .listen yesterday's gone and tomorrow is not here yet so that leaves today,if you can break it down in those terms it'll ease things up for you,just say to yourself,ok,it's 11 am,let me get through till12 and then u worry about the next hour.its a pretty simple technique ...keep ur head up and take a deep breath and it'll get better...hang in there ....

brownie374

@visch1, @hayley86, @louise82. I know you mean well and totally appreciate it...but I am just not ready for aa. in real life I am not a social being (unless I am tipsy/drunk - I'm a fun drunk *sigh*). I am the true definition of an introvert. Socializing makes me tired. If it makes sense - I love to interact with people on a professional level. Although my job is not the true sense of customer service I like that aspect of it because it gives me a controlled environment for interaction. There is a purpose in the conversation we are having. I am not a water cooler kind of gal. random, I know but I hope this gives you insight into who I am as an individual. I don't want someone contacting me several times a day to see how I am doing. I cannot commit to going to meetings several times a week. And I know that aa meetings work for many. they did for my Dad.

brownie374

@pondlady, @anna. I think that's a great idea. I will make an appointment to see my doctor next week.

brownie374

@Allison10, I admire your strength. but I have NO willpower. I cannot do just 1 or 2 glasses. If there is a bottle of wine at home. it's the bottle of wine I am drinking. If it's 2 bottles of wine...well you get the picture. I have a very addictive personality so this definitely would not work for me which sucks because I absolutely love the taste of wine. but thanks for the advice.

Lightning Bug

Welcome!