newhope01

DISCLAIMER: I'd like to first say before reading this that I am not asking for medical advice and please do not provide per site regulations. Instead, its more of an epiphany I had after I was considering the impact of certain medications long term.

Finally made it to see an actual doctor rather an ER in regards to my recent medical issues regarding the seizure stuff. Well it turns out that all my motor and cognitive abilities are functioning just fine and it may have just been anxiety. My doctor was concerned that it may have been a seizure but after the tests he ruled it out and diagnosed me with anxiety.

I was prescribed an SSRI called citolapram and alprazolam (Xanax) to cope with my panic disorder. I researched both before taking any of my new medications as he wasn't too explanatory in what he was prescribing me and I was cautious of the -am ending the prescription names as they sounded like benzos.

Upon closer inspection these drugs freak me out! The SSRI is not as scary as the alprazolam-don't get me started on why that is something I don't want to take- because it doesn't seem addictive but both terrify for different reasons.

Ive been sober for five days now and feeling good in my sobriety and have no intentions of drinking until I noticed that citolapram should never be mixed with alcohol as it has a synergistic effect with it. Even one drink is like taking three and I read a lot of personal experiences from people who did drink while taking it and blacking out after small amounts and/or getting intoxicated way too quickly and suddenly. Of course this shouldn't bother me as I am choosing to live a life without alcohol and it also has the added bonus of reducing the desire to drink, but obviously there is still a piece of me that is still not ready to let go of alcohol. I always say I am going to quit and even have been able to string a couple of weeks together at a time but I keep relapsing. I know deep down I am really scared to take it because I might slip and really make myself sick if I am on citolapram and therefore obviously not ready to let go of alcohol and unwilling to take it.

Sure the idea of taking a pill for the rest of my life and trying to wean myself off it if I do decide to stop taking it bothers me too, but that's not the real reason; Its obvious what the real reason is. I mean I may not drink everyday but its still something that I've been taking for the past five years fairly regularly. I say want to be alcohol free and yet here I am self-sabotaging... Talk about issues!

Dee74

I've not taken things before because they may interfere with my drinking...I've also taken things before because I knew I'd get 'more wasted'.

Neither of those responses is a rational one. A rational response is a safe life affirming one that's good for our well being.

You have the capacity to make those kinds of decisions newhope. We all do.

I'd stop thinking of a relapse as something that might ambush you - you're not a passive partner in that kind of transaction.

Maybe it's a good time to start appreciating the power of good decisions rather than bad ones?

D

gigi123

The few times I drank on Citalopram, I experienced really terrible hangovers. So like a true alcoholic, I set aside the medication and drank the booze. The Citalopram was prescribed for depression, I didn't notice an improvement because I was still drinking, duh.

After I stopped drinking, my depression and anxiety just about went away. Today I take Klonopin maybe 3x a week for anxiety. I was drugs free until my last slip, when the good dr told me to take Klonopin for cravings.

tootsl1

I am weaning myself ( with GP's agreement) off the lowest dose of citalopram, as with Gigi, I never saw the benefit of it when I drank, as it was counterproductive. Now I have been able to reduce and hopefully shortly, stop the meds.

Stopping drinking brings all kinds of emotions to the fore, and brings up baggage we had well strapped down but not dealt with. Early recovery can be a bumpy ride emotionally, but to feel again? It is worth it. I'm not sure where you live newhope, but I am in the uk and was able to access free counselling, which really helped to focus on where my stronger emotions were coming from. Good luck on your road to sobriety

newhope01

Thanks for sharing your experiences with taking medications and drinking and the eventual outcomes. I'm still not sure if I am ever going to take any of the medications... I know that benzodiazepines affect our brains in a similar way that alcohol does and that this is part of the reason why people can get addicted to them and sudden withdrawal can be deadly. I know it may sound like I'm being paranoid, but I almost feel like I am swapping one drug for another. I think I may just continue to abstain from the alcohol and the not use the other medications for awhile and see how I feel. I think I have another downers in my life, I don't need to ingest more.