ZenMe

What would a normie do once they have found out their SO is an alcoholic?

DreamsofSerenity

They'd get help immediately and do everything recommended to them. They'd get clear on their boundaries very quickly and enforce them. If the alkie didn't stop drinking, they'd be out of the relationship. I'm guessing this whole process would take them six months max.

shari07

Nervous breakdown?

DreamsofSerenity

Can we start a thread about what a normie would NOT do once she found out her SO was an alkie? I could just write an account of my life during the past four years.

ZenMe

All you dreams. I'm not stealing your thunder =).

dandylion

I tend to agree that the normie would already have boundaries that would click in waaay earlier in the process than a co-dependent would.

dandylion

Argnotthisagain

I dunno...I think a normie would, upon finding out the SO is an alkie, BAIL!!
OUTTA HERE! GET OUTA DODGE! MAKE A RUN FOR IT! HEAD FOR THE HILLS! KICK HIM TO THE CURB! SO LONG, PAL! ADIOS, MUCHACHO! HASTA MANYANA! SAYONARA! BUH_BYE!

politely say, thanks, but no thanks.

A normie probably would pick up the red flags pretty quickly, before the alkie got promoted to SO-hood..

DreamsofSerenity

lol!

DreamsofSerenity

I don't think I know any normies. Do they really exist?

KKE

That's so odd you said that, just as I read its was thinking it myself!! Maybe we just don't attract "normie" people which is why we don't think they exist. I wouldn't class ANY of my friends and family as a "normie"! I'd say they are all dysfunctional on some level!!

Jazzman

A normie would be supportive through the first rehab, deflated at the first relapse, cautiously optimistic at the second rehab, and filing for divorce at the second relapse.

DreamsofSerenity

I think you are right. We don't attract them. On the other hand, maybe they really don't exist. Do we have any proof of their existence?

dandylion

Of course, normies exist. I will go out on a limb, here, and say that just because a person is not married to an alkie--doesn't qualify them as a normie. Sometimes they marry non-alcoholic A**holes---like narcissistic (and other types) personality disorders; abusers and other unsavory types.

Poor self-esteem can lead a person down a number of different dark roads.

dandylion

DreamsofSerenity

That long? Maybe you're right.

There's also the question of whether longterm exposure to an alkie turns a normie into a codie.

dandylion

I think a normie would let go before long-term sets in. I agree that longterm exposure will erode a person until the bad treatment becomes normalized and the person can hardly recognize them selves, anymore. But the central thing of a normie is a healthy enough self-esteem to run when they see the short end of the stick.

I really think that co-dependency may not show itself until placed in a relationship where they are not well treated. Their ability to tolerate bad behavior can keep them in the relationship until they are up to their knees in the quicksand.

dandylion

EnglishGarden

In my opinion, a "normie" would become an instant codependent.

I was never obsessed with anyone, never tried to fix anyone, did not have friendships or love relationships with self-centered and self-serving persons, did not ever agree to stand by anyone abusing me by saying "I will still 'support' you as you 'try to get better.'"

But when my psyche was contaminated by being in contact with an alcoholic, I became an instant codependent. I understood, forgave, and waited for him to change.

It starts quietly and without our knowing it.....but when addiction enters our most intimate life, we will think in ways and behave in ways we never did before. We become co-dependent. The alcoholic or drug addict depends on alcohol or drugs to make him "well." And the codependent depends on the alcoholic or drug addict to make her "well." How insane is that.

Both persons have been contaminated by addiction.

brightstar43

Would a normie be attracted to an alcoholic in the first place? I read somewhere regarding relationships that water seeks its own level which I believe to be true. I married a normie but was never that attracted to him but did love him but then again I'm no normie!

Carlotta

Some people develop alcoholism later in life but I think that at the first sign of a drinking problem which generally happens during the dating stage when not too much is invested, a normie would just dump them.
Us codies on the other hand tend to fall in love with people's potential rather than facing the hard cold truth. We give too many chances, a normie dating someone would probably think at the first sign of a drinking problem:
- ok it's loserville, I don't need the drama.
which is something that took years in Al Anon for some of us to process.

OnawaMiniya

Yes! I have a blurry picture of one!

I know what I saw, damn it!

lillamy

Exactly what English Garden said. I don't think we're all Codies going in.