Mizzuno

I am walking in the right direction these days, but I cant help but to feel that this past mistake ( A job that I lost after one week) will haunt me and my family for the rest of my marriage. I think that my husband may be better off without me. I think that my in-laws may feel the same. My husband is running into some Management problems at his work, and there is a formal investigation under way regarding his Boss. Anyways, I was talking with my mother-in-law and telling her that my husband may leave the company ( long story) She says that "You need income". Well, the truth of the matter is that I am working, and have been employed since I was fired. It took me 3 days to become employed, and i have no intention of not being employed. I have Demo work, and another job that I clock into.
My husband brought up the "fire" incident last week and said that we are in this financial position because of me. He is upholding his part of the bargain. Realistically, we only had one weeks worth of pay from that job. I am still making the same amount per hour, minus a few hours due to full-time school. I AM DOING EVERYTHING THAT I CAN!
This is really hanging over me, and I can not change what happened. So, I continue on this sober path, and I pray that times are moving into something more positive. What else can I do?

Soberpotamus

I don't know the backstory, Mizzuno. But why exactly do you come to this conclusion... that he will be better off without you??

Certainly marriage is not THAT much about finances... I mean, I know it can break up a marriage... but this sounds extreme.

Mizzuno

Ya, okay. I am being dramatic. I am assuming that our relationship is based on finances. I guess what I am trying to say, is that this hurts and I am really sorry for what I did. I feel terrible over it. It keeps coming to the forefront. I never meant to do this to anyone. Including myself. If it keeps coming to the forefront how do I move on? How do we move forward?
(Crying now)

ScottFromWI

You look at all the great things you've done since you got sober Mizz. And all the hard work you've put into your sobriety and new job. I'm sure it's stressful for your hubby with all that's going on with his job too. And mother in laws are mother in laws - enough said.

Bottom line, it takes a while to undo all the bad things we did - but every day you stay sober is one more block in a solid future. Keep your head up because you aren't doing anything wrong at all.

mecanix

Sometimes for me it feels that consequences are attached to elastic and they still have momentum after i've changed tack .
With persevereance things do turn eventually . I know i've never been better equiped to deal with stuff than now .

Stay strong and fearless in your persuit of sobriety and working at life and i'm sure it will all fall into place Mizz ,

Bestwishes, m

Mizzuno

Thank you! This has helped immensely. Although I am not proud of what happened, I am proud of the turn around. 4.0 GPA is a great accomplishment. I have work, and am taking all the necessary steps.
My husbands job turned into a nightmare long before I fell off planet sanity. This is very stressful for him. We have so much to be THANKFUL for. In those moments when all the #### is hitting the fan, I am the one who lost the job. Yes, I did.....Im hoping we can move on now. It takes time. I know my MIL didnt mean anything by it, or if she did....Well, okay.

Soberpotamus

Haha! Scott's right about MIL's... I have one of those too

And I think he's said it best right here... just keep your chin up. You're doing great.

Louise82

Don't judge yourself on other people's behalf, Mizz. Remember that communication is paramount in any relationship, especially a marriage. Talk to your husband. You might be attaching more significance to his comment than it deserves. A lot of people in stressful situations lash out by saying the first thing that comes into their head.

As for your MIL, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it. It's not like you're not working and not bringing in any income.

Soberpotamus

And I feel your pain, truly I do... I have a lot of guilt for not being more productive as far as producing more income to help out my husband. We're going on two years of marriage. He's contributed more income so far. But I just keep in mind... hey, I'm overcoming an addiction that's plagued me for over ten years!! That's hard. Some people think it's one of the hardest things in life to do! And that you've maintained such a high GPA despite dealing with the fallout... that is extraordinary. So, go easy on yourself.

Mizzuno

I appreciate the help here. It is not like I was bringing in anything significant from that position. I had the job for one week. This does not negate what I did, and I take responsibility that my drinking was a direct result of losing a job. I was having a very hard moment, and now I am going to move on. Lashing out is the last thing that i want to do, and this is why I have chosen to talk on here.

ckoures

I am sorry you have the feeling that it is all your fault. I understand. I've had a massive financial betrayal held over my head for years. You simply cannot afford to flog yourself over it. I stayed drunk for years so that I would stop feeling the pain of it and the shame. Trouble is, I found new things to be ashamed about! But the truth is, for me, it is impossible to be sober and be filled with shame. You said you are sorry. You changed. You've paid. My therapist suggested a great book, God's Lavish Grace. Whether you are Christian or not, it offers a great notion that being sorry and changing is enough. I struggle daily to put my mistakes behind and step forward. My spouse likes to clobber me with it at least once a week, and it's six year old news. But somehow, I've lost the shame. I'd strip naked and dance on the roof and tell the world what I did because I know life moves on for those who want to live it.

Mizzuno

Thank you Jennie! This high GPA would not have come had I not fallen down tremendously hard. I can not let that moment define who I am as a person. I am not the worst thing that happened to me. ( Someones signature- Author not willing to look up right now) So, it is what it is. There is nothing that I can do about it, other than do the right thing. I am proving to myself and my family that I am capable of so much more than an insane plane ride. Thank you once again.
As for money. Well the finances have always been tight. We have bills. Eventually things will lighten up, and breathing will happen effortlessly.

ClearLight

What a load.
And that was caused by you - how?
Sounds like your mother-in-law is kind of a weasel and your husband is throwing out some low blows. Maybe it runs in his family.
You've turned yourself around and you're doing everything you can to help out. Time for them to chill.
Better yet - it would be nice if they would apologize for those comments.

hypochondriac

Hang on, you were employed for one week and then out of work for three days? That doesn't sound like any kind of failure to me. Yeah there was a minor blip but you picked yourself back up and moved on. Don't let others make you think you did something terrible here. Okay losing a job over drinking isn't a great move but it was one week. It isn't like you lost it after 10 years and then sat on your behind not working x

Soberpotamus

Agreed.

Mizzuno

My husband and I worked through that moment last week. He did apologize. Words are said out of anger. I am only expressing the things that have bothered me, and led me into a moment of feeling horrible. I just wanted to clarify this. My husband is a very understanding, loving man. Fights are not exactly sensible. It does not mean that this does not weigh on me. I think that the mother in law phone conversation just hit me in a place that was not intended. I can be very sensitive at times. This crap with my husbands job is not fun, and he may be leaving it today.....Who knows?
So, I am not here to throw my husband off a cliff. I am here for my own personal hurt. I feel bad over the situation.
I appreciate your support in this. I am sure that my sensitivity is getting the best of me.

Soberpotamus

Just so you know, I didn't think you came off as putting either of them in a bad light... just sounds like you are a little exasperated with yourself. It's understandable. And I think it's a matter of forgiving yourself for being human and for struggling with an addiction... we never ask for these kinds of things. You seem to be making great strides despite it all

ClearLight

Hey - that's great he apologized. Points for him!

One thing that keeps impressing me about you Mizz is your resilience. I think you two will find a way through. You've really come far in a very short time.

Louise82

Sorry, I didn't express myself clearly at all! I meant that maybe his comment isn't as significant as it seems because he said it just to lash out, not at you, but at the world in general, because he's going through a stressful situation at work.

Mizzuno

No, you did express yourself clearly. I understand what you meant completely. I was adding to your words. This communication thing over the internet is hard sometimes. ....No need to be Sorry. I did not take it any way other than you being supportive.
((HUG))