Pay day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
Pay day
Hi everyone,
Looking for some advice pls...
This Friday night my husband will be paid. He's on workers comp (good wage & bored) & is paid monthly. His employer is trying to contact him as he's reaching the insurance limit. Of course they can't reach him & they are getting very annoyed. He's gravey train is going to stop.
I have all the passwords to his accounts as I used to do the banking. Last pay I did not take any money out even though I needed it. I didn't want him to have any sarisfaction that I needed him. He still told everyone I took his pay though.
Well this month I'm angry. I have rent, car repayments, food, insurance to pay & I'm still on maternity leave with his baby & have no income of my own. So basically, I need the money. So...do I take money out on the sly or Do I ask him/tell him first? His last pay was busted in 3-4 days on gambling & drugs. A whole months pay!!
I really think I'm entitled to some of the money (child support, he drove the car, things he has stolen from me, the fact i supported him prior to maternity leave, etc) but I don't want to drop to a low level. I also don't want to p*ss him off if he's on meth & unpredictable. We are a long way from him at the moment though & will be for another week. I'll obviously be taking his drug money even though he's told me every day this week he is clean.
Tips??
Looking for some advice pls...
This Friday night my husband will be paid. He's on workers comp (good wage & bored) & is paid monthly. His employer is trying to contact him as he's reaching the insurance limit. Of course they can't reach him & they are getting very annoyed. He's gravey train is going to stop.
I have all the passwords to his accounts as I used to do the banking. Last pay I did not take any money out even though I needed it. I didn't want him to have any sarisfaction that I needed him. He still told everyone I took his pay though.
Well this month I'm angry. I have rent, car repayments, food, insurance to pay & I'm still on maternity leave with his baby & have no income of my own. So basically, I need the money. So...do I take money out on the sly or Do I ask him/tell him first? His last pay was busted in 3-4 days on gambling & drugs. A whole months pay!!
I really think I'm entitled to some of the money (child support, he drove the car, things he has stolen from me, the fact i supported him prior to maternity leave, etc) but I don't want to drop to a low level. I also don't want to p*ss him off if he's on meth & unpredictable. We are a long way from him at the moment though & will be for another week. I'll obviously be taking his drug money even though he's told me every day this week he is clean.
Tips??
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I didn't want him to have any sarisfaction that I needed him
Rathern then allow HIS WORDS of you taking his $ drive you away, think logically and remember YOU have a family and family expenses to take care of and whether or not he wants to participate in that family his $ certainly needs to and until a court says other wise you need to do what you need to do for yourself and child....his addiction comes last.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 112
IMy Husband is also a Meth Addict and I have learnt the hard way that it us better to take what he should willingly be contributing, on the day he gets paid otherwise I won't get a cent. I have his card and we go shopping, I showed him a budget once when he was still sober and he knows what he is responsible for. So I pay as much of the bills, buy all the groceries, baby stuff etc with his card then I know I'm covered. And he can do with the rest as he pleases. I know it feels like sinking to their level but what else can one do? If they take our cash for useless druggs they don't even think about us. Take care of you and your little baby.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
Thanks all. Perhaps it was my pride. I'll take the much needed money then & tell him after - if we speak.
I know we won't get anything if I don't & there are so many bills. I can't understand how he can waste so much money!
I know we won't get anything if I don't & there are so many bills. I can't understand how he can waste so much money!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Is it a joint account? If so, go ahead and take what you need. If it is his account, you'll be breaking the law, so it's probably not worth it - although you are morally entitled to it, you are not legally entitled to it without going through the proper channels.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
I would take it and them tell him afterwards. Just be safe. I would hate anything to happen to you and/or your baby in a rage.
And yes, you are very entitled to take his money and survive seeing as right now you are raising his child alone with no support. Two years ago my xah husband left me and my 2 year old with nothing. I hadn't heard from him for awhile and needed money, bad. So, I put out an ad to sell some of his music equipment. When he found out he was furious. Came and got his equipment. Meanwhile, could carel less if I had money to pay bills or feed our child. He didn't care. I look back on this now and wish I loaded up his equipment and took it to a pawn shop ASAP!
Don't feel bad. Take care of you and that baby, he isn't.
And yes, you are very entitled to take his money and survive seeing as right now you are raising his child alone with no support. Two years ago my xah husband left me and my 2 year old with nothing. I hadn't heard from him for awhile and needed money, bad. So, I put out an ad to sell some of his music equipment. When he found out he was furious. Came and got his equipment. Meanwhile, could carel less if I had money to pay bills or feed our child. He didn't care. I look back on this now and wish I loaded up his equipment and took it to a pawn shop ASAP!
Don't feel bad. Take care of you and that baby, he isn't.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
Wow thanks everyone!
It isn't a joint account - it's just his. I've always kept our finances separate as he is bad with money (gambling prior now drugs). I basically cover all living expenses for our little family & make sure I get money off him each month. Pay time for him is always stressful. i like to save he likes to spend! see my codie behaviour started years before drugs!
Now that I no longer have an income I'm completely reliant on that monthly payment of his. He knows that. Although I've hardly seen him the last 3 months due to meth, he still tells me to take money. Usually he says a generous amount but that's not even left when I go transfer the money around pay day. I have to get in very quick before it goes & it goes fast! last month he had no phone & I didn't take any. I spose I was hoping he would think twice when I didn't take any. I sat on the Internet watching him withdraw thousands of dollars in 3 days. No doubt he shouts all his new 'mates' when he's rich for those few days each month.
It just feels a bit wrong doing this. He will be angry but he hasn't changed his passwords so must expect it? He won't go to the police.
It isn't a joint account - it's just his. I've always kept our finances separate as he is bad with money (gambling prior now drugs). I basically cover all living expenses for our little family & make sure I get money off him each month. Pay time for him is always stressful. i like to save he likes to spend! see my codie behaviour started years before drugs!
Now that I no longer have an income I'm completely reliant on that monthly payment of his. He knows that. Although I've hardly seen him the last 3 months due to meth, he still tells me to take money. Usually he says a generous amount but that's not even left when I go transfer the money around pay day. I have to get in very quick before it goes & it goes fast! last month he had no phone & I didn't take any. I spose I was hoping he would think twice when I didn't take any. I sat on the Internet watching him withdraw thousands of dollars in 3 days. No doubt he shouts all his new 'mates' when he's rich for those few days each month.
It just feels a bit wrong doing this. He will be angry but he hasn't changed his passwords so must expect it? He won't go to the police.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
Just one more thing...I spose I worry that if I take a good portion of the money & he already has plans for it, he might turn to stealing or something to pay back his drug debts. I don't actually think I would feel responsible tho. Is that bad?
Surely preventing him from having a huge week long iv meth binge is good for him?
Surely preventing him from having a huge week long iv meth binge is good for him?
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Reminds me of what happened with my husband. We were separated and he was actively using. He moved out and got his own place. Prior to this we had a pre-arranged agreement on how the bills would be paid. We were both working at the time. So after he moved out, his paycheck was still deposited into our joint account. I was confused at first what I should do. In the past sometimes I paid the bills, sometimes he did, or we would sit and do them together. But now he didn't see the bills, and we were not talking so I didn't know what to do. I finally decided upon talking to my parents, that even though he moved out, we had still joined in this partnership once we married. We bought our home and everything else with the expectation of the partnership being honored, and we were both committed to the life we had made. Just because he was using drugs did not mean that the partnership was broken. We separated, but we did not dissolve the partnership, our home, (our son hadn't been born at the start of his addiction so it wasn't factored in at the time).. but you get the idea.
I guess I say all that because I don't think you should feel bad that you need his help, especially while you are off on maternity leave & have children to care for. Until something changes, he is still your partner, he will always be the father of the children and have that responsibility. He is sick because of the drugs and has no concept of money when he is craving his high. I cant say what for you to do, how much to take, or if you should contact him. If you think this will be his last check or close to it, then I guess I feel like he should be informed, but at the same time I would call him as I was in the process of transferring whatever portion you choose to cover necessary expenses.
What is he going to do when the money runs out? I worried about this too. Would he have enough left to pay the bills on his new home? Would he be living in squalor ? But the thing is that if your husbands comp money is running out, unless he steps up and goes back to work it will be gone before long anyway. He wont budget while he is craving his high. Just like you said; it could all be lost in a matter of days. In the long run, there is nothing you can do to protect him from that. It will hopefully be incentive for him to clean himself up, but there is no way to tell on that either.
I guess I say all that because I don't think you should feel bad that you need his help, especially while you are off on maternity leave & have children to care for. Until something changes, he is still your partner, he will always be the father of the children and have that responsibility. He is sick because of the drugs and has no concept of money when he is craving his high. I cant say what for you to do, how much to take, or if you should contact him. If you think this will be his last check or close to it, then I guess I feel like he should be informed, but at the same time I would call him as I was in the process of transferring whatever portion you choose to cover necessary expenses.
What is he going to do when the money runs out? I worried about this too. Would he have enough left to pay the bills on his new home? Would he be living in squalor ? But the thing is that if your husbands comp money is running out, unless he steps up and goes back to work it will be gone before long anyway. He wont budget while he is craving his high. Just like you said; it could all be lost in a matter of days. In the long run, there is nothing you can do to protect him from that. It will hopefully be incentive for him to clean himself up, but there is no way to tell on that either.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
Thks allforcnm your words make perfect sense.
I have told him many times about his employer trying to contact him. He knows but seems to be running from all responsibility at the moment. Either that or he just doesn't care. Everything will come crashing down soon.
He has a huge family which means he will no doubt jump from place to place until he sorts out his life. He will be ok. I just have to make sure me & the girls stay above water until I sort out work for myself.
Thks for your support
I have told him many times about his employer trying to contact him. He knows but seems to be running from all responsibility at the moment. Either that or he just doesn't care. Everything will come crashing down soon.
He has a huge family which means he will no doubt jump from place to place until he sorts out his life. He will be ok. I just have to make sure me & the girls stay above water until I sort out work for myself.
Thks for your support
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