angelx

So I am about nine months soberish in. I drank four times during that period.

I don't really know where to turn right now.

My best friend recently messed up her relationship (did not reveal she had herpes), and I'm finding it hard to be a rock or any kind of sympathy at all for her.

I have a boyfriend who lives with me. Today my other woman friend came over, and he seemed to focus all his attention on her and ignore me. Then we all went to a candy shop and he flirted heavily with the employee working there.

It really made me want to drink.

Now I'm sitting here incredibly miserable. He's banned from my room.

I don't think I can trust him...or maybe anyone.

I've been reflecting, and a lot of the people that were around me during my using time were using me, and in my gut, I feel like I'm being used again.

I feel like I give more than I get in the relationship.

After today, I strongly feel like breaking up with him.

I'm really resisting the urge to drink (or do something else destructive), so I'm posting this. I feel so incredibly lost and alone. I don't see how one minute someone can be one way and then the next minute, they are a different person.

He doesn't seem to see my pain at all.

I feel like a goddamned fool. I'm so naive.

least

You're not a fool, just have misplaced faith in your bf. Please don't drink over this. It never helps to drink "at" anyone else. It doesn't hurt them, only you.

Give yourself time to sort all this out but stay sober so you can be clear headed to make these decisions about your life.

libby80

Totally agree with the previous person! If you drink right now you'd only be hurting yourself. It'd be like drinking poison and expecting your bf to die. Anyone who makes you feel like that is not worth it. Life should be happy!

mecanix

Emotionaly give what you can spare, but no more . if her problems are becoming yours then remember they are hers and not yours to deal with , you have no power over her situation .

As for the BF , is it a regular thing him flirting with others ? is it part of his personality ? has he cheated on you before ? is this a pattern ?

How have you been these last few weeks ? are you in a funk, hiding out in your room away from him ? He might need some attention as well .
Why not go out on a date with him ? just you two if your feeling needy of attention .

Isolation and drinking seem to feed of eachother with me and i have to make an effort , even if it feels like i'm acting life for a while to start with .

stay cool and sober ,

bestwishes, m

Threshold

One of the things that has been the most challenging for me is coming to terms with the fact that I am the only person who I am guaranteed to be with for the entirety of me life. I am ultimately responsible for my feelings and behavior, and I cannot put anyone in the role of saving me, fixing me, making me feel good and secure...other than myself.

This continues to P### me off.

It's not just that I can't count on anyone as in trust anyone 100%....it's that for my own sanity and well being I can't count on anyone but myself to guard my sobriety, to grow me into a better person etc. Because putting that on a job, relationship, person or even a passing feeling...just won't work.

When I am honest, I realize that other people and their behavior aren't what makes me want to drink...my feelings and responses to other people is what makes me want to drink and ultimately I can take charge of my feelings and responses. That frees me. That allows me to lean on my own strength.

This doesn't mean I can't trust others for anything, just that I stop putting my well being in their hands. I can have healthier relationships because I am no longer jelly. I am less reactive.

fantail

I wish I could press "thanks" for this eight times. I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. Very well stated.