BabyJane

This is going to sound ridiculous to some people but I don't have another place to get this stuff out of my system so I'm here.

I am having a baby shower on Sunday. I didn't want to have one, but my little sister insisted we plan one so I gave in because she seemed so excited about planning it. We sent out invites months ago. Then her boyfriend broke up with her over her drinking problem and she pretty much lost it. I tried to be there for her, took phone calls to listen to her cry over him for hours, helped her move, comforted her, had her over for dinner a lot, etc... Like I have many times in the past.

I should have known, given her past behavior, that she would drop the ball on the baby shower thing and after the breakup she totally did. So because invites were already out, I took over planning my own shower even though I still didn't really know what to do with it. I'm not a "girls girl" and I don't even have a clue what women do when planning this stuff. I'm trying though. Sister is not even sure she will make it because "she might have to work" and she still had the audacity to ask if I, at 8 months pregnant, could help her organize and put away all the stuff at her new apartment!!! I said no.

Then just today, four days before the party, after I've bought all this stuff and tried to get this thing together, five of my "good friends" cancel because they have other plans. I understand they are busy and have their own stuff going on but... It kind of hurts when ALL of these people are friends whose weddings and parties I have gone out of my way to attend recently! Plus I didn't even ask for gifts or register, I'm not having it anywhere far away and its for 2 hours. This is my first baby... It's like no one cares enough to even tell me they can't make it until I asked them.

I made a commitment three years ago, when I quit drinking, to be a better friend and BE THERE for people whenever possible. I have done this. Honestly I have been there and I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I feel pretty alone and sad when I can't count on them for the same.

I will get over it. Just... I don't know this day is a downer. I had a decent day yesterday for the first time in what seemed like weeks and then today I'm right back to getting reminded that life is just life and not to expect too much... I miss the comfort of just getting loaded and NOT caring. I do.

Thanks for reading. Sorry to be so whiny.

doggonecarl

Sorry to read you've been let down by your friends.

Good. Now continue to be a good friend and bear them no resentments. Or at least try.

And maybe the next time you get invited somewhere, you won't mind putting your own desires ahead of theirs for a change and say no.

Cleopatra1

Baby...pm me huni...xxx hugs cleoxxxx

Shining~Again

Wow...that's very wrong on so many levels. 8 months along, 5 cancel on you and this is your first baby? Plus you to do your own shower? I'd be devastated too!
I totally am with you on the thing you mentioned: how you have made a large effort to be a better friend and this is one of those random things that would make me scream "WHY BOTHER?". Eh...I have really made a effort to be a better friend/parent/daughter/worker too and I think it's a lot more painful when not in a fog. It sure does sting more than it used to.
I keep moving on. Cry when I need to, go dig ditches when angry, and drop another hanger-on/person who is a waste-of-my-time, when I've reached my limit. I prefer a good friend I can count on versus 5 that I never know what kind of shite they're going to do (or not do) next.

(((hugs))) I'm really sorry you've been treated like this.

LadyinBC

Carl you always manage to keep everything so simple! Which is a good thing.

BabyJane

Awww... Thank you. Yea I wish my sister, at least, was dependable in some way but I ended up raising her half the time and since she was raised by someone who was only three years older and had no idea how to be a "parent" she has some real issues. Main issue being that she, like myself, is an alcoholic. I don't usually label ANYONE but with her I can say that, yes, she is. Only I'm sober and she doesn't even think she has a problem after DUI and numerous incidents and health problems... But anyway....

So life handed me lemons today, as it often does. Some days I take those lemons and make lemonade, lemon meringue pie, lemon scones but today I just sat on that pile of lemons and cried it out. Now I'm going to try to get some other things done so I don't continue to focus on it. Tonight I have an volunteer commitment with my sober group and let me tell you I will probably be feeling pretty humbled when I go to a place where people are locked up and don't get much help or love or ANYTHING.

So even though I said I miss the "not caring" that drugs and alcohol afforded me, in the end I know that not caring means I'm dying and I want to be alive even when it's hard. I say things sometimes and when I read them back I feel like... Wow why did I just say that? But yea I will definitely choose my friends more carefully as I go forward. I've already had to let a few go because they didn't support my being sober. Don't need them. As for my sister; I love her but she still has so much growing up to do. Mostly I worry for her. But I will give her the dignity of making her own mistakes. And I will pray that her HP gets her to a better place. Thanks again.

P.S. seriously though, does anyone know what people are supposed to DO at the baby showers? I've been to a few but I really don't know how to keep the ones who are coming entertained? Just feed them a lot? Lol. Help!

Eve13

BabyJane, Congrats on your upcoming baby! That is so exciting! And congrats too on taking such good care of you. Just a thought...very common in other places... could you postpone the shower ("last minute technical difficulties") and have a "Meet my Beautiful Baby" Gathering. 2 hours. Punch. Cookies. Beautiful baby will do all of the entertaining - even if she/he only sleeps.

Junegirl

BabyJane,

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I can tell you that during pregnancy and after my baby was born is when I found out who my family and my real friends were. That is a good thing. Congrats on your baby, btw!
Now, what to do at a baby shower: do you have a couple of ladies you can assign to run the games? I know they're corny but so much fun. Google baby shower games and you'll find lots of fun ones.

Best to you,

June

BabyJane

I may be better off postponing it, true. But first I will ask my friends who are coming about what games and activities they can recommend. Good ideas. Most of them have kids so they will probably be able to come up with ideas. Thanks ladies! And yes I'm so psyched about my baby boy!!! Thank you!!!

I can't believe I will be a mom in about 6 weeks. It's totally the craziest, most awesome, freaky, cool thing that has ever happened to me and my fiancée. We are over the moon!

LadyinBC

Do you know what you are having Baby Jane or is it going to be a surprise?

soberlicious

Top 20 Best Baby Shower Games

"Dirty diapers" is a great game!

So excited for you!!! Boys are awesome!

Mizzuno

BabyJane,
I am really sorry that this happened to you. I would feel let down also. Are you willing to call one of your friends and ask them if they can brain storm with you? The shower is really soon. Is your Fiance willing to step in and take care of some of the work? I am sure with a few of you everything can get accomplished. SO, I see that there are some games that were posted. This is a start.
I personally have never had a baby shower, and I only have been to one in my life. So, I am a little clueless here.

BabyJane

Yes we found out way back at week 16 - I had a feeling it was a boy (wanted a boy so so bad!) and it is!

First baby for both and first grand baby for our parents / my sons soon to be grandparents so everyone is anxious for his arrival! It is neat how babies bring families together sometimes. That's something I'm grateful for.

quitforme79

If I was by you, I'd come to your shower

Lyoness

Me too. Though like you BabyJane, I don't have a clue about what you do. Maybe you can just make up whatever you want, you don't have to follow any formulas.

Eve13

...don't have to follow any formulas... Good one! :rotfxko

360shoes

I agree with Lyoness. I would throw convention right out the window and do my party however I wanted to do it. Spend the time being grateful for all the things that make life beautiful. Eat some yummy snacks, watch children play, sit back and just enjoy being with the people who are there whether its 2 or 20.

Take the pressure off yourself. The best parties are always about people just enjoying each others company anyway. That can be just kicking back and laughing and smiling over a bowl of chips and dip straight out of the bag and can.

Don't let people get you down. Don't change who you are over how other people act.

Congratulations on the baby!!

Lyoness

I am so clueless sometimes, I didn't even catch the pun until you pointed it out! I was once joking with a group of friends about running over nuns (long story, crazy joking) and I said I don't make a habit of it. Everyone died laughing and I had to beg them to tell me what was so funny. Aack!

Glad I could make a funny even if I didn't know it!

FreeFall

I wouldn't worry too much about what to do for the shower...it's just a nice get together to celebrate a new life and give you some gifts to get you started. I've been to a ton of baby showers and they all were different. Some were cook outs, some had the guys attend, some were at fancy restaurants and most of them turned out to be a fun time.

If some of your friends can't make it, it might be a financial thing if they don't have the cash for a gift right now...they might be drinkers and think a shower doesn't involve enough drinking for them...they might just be incredibly rude too lol

As for your sister, she does need to grow up. It sounds like you have a good attitude about her situation though.

If you go to Pinterest online and search baby shower for boy you will get a zillion ideas for foods, games, décor, you name it. Have a great time!!

FaithNhope12

Being a mother is the best yet hardest thing you will ever do. It gives you a purpose and meaning in life and trust me you will be so about your baby you won't have time or even want to see your friends. Stick with the people who support and truly love you. I can't believe you are going through this! As far as the shower you can google some gamesto play. Ugh I can't believe your doing it yourself but you know what's important and never forget.... A baby needs love and affection... They need you to live and survive and provide and that's the important part good luck!!