Caycilia

Hi... I have 25 days clean and sober right now. I say both because I thought I was clean for a long time while still drinking because I hadn't admitted alcohol was just as much an addiction as any other drugs I used in the past.

In any case, my drinking escalated after I quit other drugs over a year ago, got me into lots of trouble and eventually led me to use benzos and weed again as well as obsess over opiates. So I quit drinking and re-quit using and have been going to aa as well as a therapist.

I know early sobriety sucks but I feel like I am losing my mind, having constant panic attacks and dissociating as well as being triggered by everything. I don't know how long I can last until I relapse or do something else impulsive and dangerous because I feel so ******. I am beginning to work the steps with a sponsor and have been journaling, going to tons of meetings, getting sleep, doing yoga, reaching out to people, but its feeling more and more precarious every day.

I was wondering if I should go to outpatient or inpatient rehab even though I already have clean time? I don't want to wait to potentially relapse and lose my boyfriend, small amount of income, etc, just so I qualify. My therapist is not helpful and I doesn't seem very experienced in treating dual diagnosis (I've been diagnosed with mental illnesses in the past but I was never clean/sober so I don't know how much was substance-induced)

Anyway, I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in the edge of an even worse free-fall if I don't take action to avoid relapse. But what action?

Is outpatient rehab useful? Can one go to inpatient and get anything from it if they are already almost a month clean? I should mention I've never been to rehab before.

Another problem is that I live with my parents who always have alcohol, weed and often hydrocodone in the house.

Any advice or experiences are so appreciated. I'm at a loss.

-c