God, grant me the serenity...
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
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God, grant me the serenity...
...to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Day 5 here. I'm taking one moment at a time right now. At night, when I'm tossing and turning, that's when I find it the hardest to stay in the moment and not get ahead of myself. Right now, there are so many things going on, it's so difficult to keep from filling myself with anxiety, fear, and remorse. But I have made it through these five days. I will make it through today.
I have a meeting today with Family Services because I once again got myself into trouble in front of the kids whilst drinking. I'm placing it in God's hands. I am prepared to have to leave my home if that is what they feel is best. If they don't, I will consider it yet another blessing in my life.
I went to a Big Book meeting last night and we read the first story out of 'They Almost Lost It All.' I can honestly say that I might not have come where he came from, but I was most certainly going where he went. I thank God for holding me through this.
Day 5 here. I'm taking one moment at a time right now. At night, when I'm tossing and turning, that's when I find it the hardest to stay in the moment and not get ahead of myself. Right now, there are so many things going on, it's so difficult to keep from filling myself with anxiety, fear, and remorse. But I have made it through these five days. I will make it through today.
I have a meeting today with Family Services because I once again got myself into trouble in front of the kids whilst drinking. I'm placing it in God's hands. I am prepared to have to leave my home if that is what they feel is best. If they don't, I will consider it yet another blessing in my life.
I went to a Big Book meeting last night and we read the first story out of 'They Almost Lost It All.' I can honestly say that I might not have come where he came from, but I was most certainly going where he went. I thank God for holding me through this.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
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Hang in there noexcuse....just keep forging forward one day at a time...you have a solid start & mindset.....good that your going to meetings....use them, build a sober network of friends and don't be afraid to share with them & learn along the way...
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Congrats on 5 days! Remember that if you get your head on that pillow tonight without having had a drink, you're a winner.
I think you're absolutely right to hand over the situation with Family Services. Just this morning, I was in housing court. If I'd lost, I would have been evicted on Thursday at 11am. I just said to God that I was handing it over and to please take it. Something amazing happened which means I get to stay in my flat and won't be made homeless, even though I had no right to win that case.
I think you're absolutely right to hand over the situation with Family Services. Just this morning, I was in housing court. If I'd lost, I would have been evicted on Thursday at 11am. I just said to God that I was handing it over and to please take it. Something amazing happened which means I get to stay in my flat and won't be made homeless, even though I had no right to win that case.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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A step forward, a step back... I just spoke with my husband and told him the amount of anger that I have towards our neighbor, and he was loud and clear that my current situation is not her fault. I know it's not her fault, not entirely. She refused to let me have my daughter, blocked me from her, and I shoved her. She is pretty big - my shove wasn't even enough to get her to move out of the way of my daughter, so I called the police to get my daughter away from her. She told the police that I was drunk and assaulted her and I ended up in handcuffs. I guess I basically called the police on myself. Ha.
In any case, my husband and I have gone to great lengths to help this neighbor. She has claimed to us that she is in an extremely abusive situation, has no access to a car, needs rides to get groceries and diapers for her children because her husband will get angry and not provide for them, etc., etc. So we welcomed her and her kids into our lives. Fed them, gave them access to a vehicle if we weren't using one or a ride if we were, allowed them to spend the night on multiple occasions when she was fearful that her husband would come home during the night, let her do the laundry at our house when her husband had the water shut off...
Maybe she thought that what she was doing was right. Maybe she thought she had the right to keep my child from me. I personally felt that my children were in danger being at her house at 11 at night (my kids are 4 and 5), considering that's when her husband usually shows up and starts throwing his weight around.
Then again, maybe this was the last straw that I needed to truly see how low I could sink in my life. Maybe, regardless of the hows or whys or rights or wrongs, this is the wake up call that made me realize that I really could lose it all. Maybe this was the best thing that could have happened to me. It probably was.
Yet I'm still angry, very angry, at my neighbor. I know that it is not healthy for my recovery, so I needed to share it here. I need it out of my head for now. I am at work, or else I'd be running to a meeting right now. Thanks all, for listening and being there.
In any case, my husband and I have gone to great lengths to help this neighbor. She has claimed to us that she is in an extremely abusive situation, has no access to a car, needs rides to get groceries and diapers for her children because her husband will get angry and not provide for them, etc., etc. So we welcomed her and her kids into our lives. Fed them, gave them access to a vehicle if we weren't using one or a ride if we were, allowed them to spend the night on multiple occasions when she was fearful that her husband would come home during the night, let her do the laundry at our house when her husband had the water shut off...
Maybe she thought that what she was doing was right. Maybe she thought she had the right to keep my child from me. I personally felt that my children were in danger being at her house at 11 at night (my kids are 4 and 5), considering that's when her husband usually shows up and starts throwing his weight around.
Then again, maybe this was the last straw that I needed to truly see how low I could sink in my life. Maybe, regardless of the hows or whys or rights or wrongs, this is the wake up call that made me realize that I really could lose it all. Maybe this was the best thing that could have happened to me. It probably was.
Yet I'm still angry, very angry, at my neighbor. I know that it is not healthy for my recovery, so I needed to share it here. I need it out of my head for now. I am at work, or else I'd be running to a meeting right now. Thanks all, for listening and being there.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by noexcuse 
A step forward, a step back... I just spoke with my husband and told him the amount of anger that I have towards our neighbor, and he was loud and clear that my current situation is not her fault. I know it's not her fault, not entirely. She refused to let me have my daughter, blocked me from her, and I shoved her. She is pretty big - my shove wasn't even enough to get her to move out of the way of my daughter, so I called the police to get my daughter away from her. She told the police that I was drunk and assaulted her and I ended up in handcuffs. I guess I basically called the police on myself. Ha.
In any case, my husband and I have gone to great lengths to help this neighbor. She has claimed to us that she is in an extremely abusive situation, has no access to a car, needs rides to get groceries and diapers for her children because her husband will get angry and not provide for them, etc., etc. So we welcomed her and her kids into our lives. Fed them, gave them access to a vehicle if we weren't using one or a ride if we were, allowed them to spend the night on multiple occasions when she was fearful that her husband would come home during the night, let her do the laundry at our house when her husband had the water shut off...
Maybe she thought that what she was doing was right. Maybe she thought she had the right to keep my child from me. I personally felt that my children were in danger being at her house at 11 at night (my kids are 4 and 5), considering that's when her husband usually shows up and starts throwing his weight around.
Then again, maybe this was the last straw that I needed to truly see how low I could sink in my life. Maybe, regardless of the hows or whys or rights or wrongs, this is the wake up call that made me realize that I really could lose it all. Maybe this was the best thing that could have happened to me. It probably was.
Yet I'm still angry, very angry, at my neighbor. I know that it is not healthy for my recovery, so I needed to share it here. I need it out of my head for now. I am at work, or else I'd be running to a meeting right now. Thanks all, for listening and being there.
In any case, my husband and I have gone to great lengths to help this neighbor. She has claimed to us that she is in an extremely abusive situation, has no access to a car, needs rides to get groceries and diapers for her children because her husband will get angry and not provide for them, etc., etc. So we welcomed her and her kids into our lives. Fed them, gave them access to a vehicle if we weren't using one or a ride if we were, allowed them to spend the night on multiple occasions when she was fearful that her husband would come home during the night, let her do the laundry at our house when her husband had the water shut off...
Maybe she thought that what she was doing was right. Maybe she thought she had the right to keep my child from me. I personally felt that my children were in danger being at her house at 11 at night (my kids are 4 and 5), considering that's when her husband usually shows up and starts throwing his weight around.
Then again, maybe this was the last straw that I needed to truly see how low I could sink in my life. Maybe, regardless of the hows or whys or rights or wrongs, this is the wake up call that made me realize that I really could lose it all. Maybe this was the best thing that could have happened to me. It probably was.
Yet I'm still angry, very angry, at my neighbor. I know that it is not healthy for my recovery, so I needed to share it here. I need it out of my head for now. I am at work, or else I'd be running to a meeting right now. Thanks all, for listening and being there.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 206
Well, last night didn't go very well, but it could have also been worse. Because of what happened over the weekend, Family Services got involved with my family again and placed my children with my parents. I don't know for how long or what I will need to do to get them back; my husband and I are meeting with an attorney this afternoon.
My first feelings as my parents drove away with my sobbing children was fury. That was quickly replaced by an intense need to get to a meeting. I grabbed my purse, asked my husband if he would like to join me, and we headed out. Ironically, the meeting was on the second step, and boy, do I need a Higher Power to restore me to sanity. In fact...there is a part of me that believes that there must have been a Higher Power involved in my life yesterday because I chose a meeting instead of escape. My parents were home and willing to take in my children, even though they had a three-week vacation scheduled to start yesterday that got cancelled Wednesday of last week. My kids are in a safe place, a place that I am free to visit whenever I wish, and I also have time to focus on sobriety, recovery, and finding my way.
I'm trying to stay as positive as I can, but I have to admit that I cried - well, sobbed - myself to sleep last night and woke up sobbing this morning. Those have been the hardest moments, the ones where the house is too quiet and too empty. When I was with my kids, I was able to keep my composure for their sake. Now I have to shift gears, pray, and have faith so that I can keep my sanity for my sake.
I hope that others out there who are struggling....who have children....who can't decide what to do or whether to stop....I hope that you hear my story. There is a pain inside of me so deep right now and all I will do is bear it, feel it, and work through it. Drinking has cost me so much. The scariest part is that it could cost me even more.
My first feelings as my parents drove away with my sobbing children was fury. That was quickly replaced by an intense need to get to a meeting. I grabbed my purse, asked my husband if he would like to join me, and we headed out. Ironically, the meeting was on the second step, and boy, do I need a Higher Power to restore me to sanity. In fact...there is a part of me that believes that there must have been a Higher Power involved in my life yesterday because I chose a meeting instead of escape. My parents were home and willing to take in my children, even though they had a three-week vacation scheduled to start yesterday that got cancelled Wednesday of last week. My kids are in a safe place, a place that I am free to visit whenever I wish, and I also have time to focus on sobriety, recovery, and finding my way.
I'm trying to stay as positive as I can, but I have to admit that I cried - well, sobbed - myself to sleep last night and woke up sobbing this morning. Those have been the hardest moments, the ones where the house is too quiet and too empty. When I was with my kids, I was able to keep my composure for their sake. Now I have to shift gears, pray, and have faith so that I can keep my sanity for my sake.
I hope that others out there who are struggling....who have children....who can't decide what to do or whether to stop....I hope that you hear my story. There is a pain inside of me so deep right now and all I will do is bear it, feel it, and work through it. Drinking has cost me so much. The scariest part is that it could cost me even more.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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I don't know how much more I can take... I was just informed that our homeowner's association might try to force us to move by fining us for any infraction that they can find on our property until they drive us out. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to move, but I'm pretty sure that's illegal and, unfortunately, we are completely upside-down on our mortgage.
I suppose if we just stop paying the mortgage and let the house go into foreclosure, we'll have enough saved for a decent apartment for awhile. God, please help me find the bright side of this.
I suppose if we just stop paying the mortgage and let the house go into foreclosure, we'll have enough saved for a decent apartment for awhile. God, please help me find the bright side of this.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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I think no matter what happens NE, you have to focus on not drinking first and foremost. It is the root of almost all the problems you have described. And I am willing to bet that if you do, many of the issues around you will take care of themselves. Have you thought any more about finding an HP and AA?
Regarding your mortgage, there are a lot of resources out there for people in your situation - talk with your banker and/or a real estate attorney. In today's market, most banks will do anything possible to keep paying homeowners around.
Regarding your mortgage, there are a lot of resources out there for people in your situation - talk with your banker and/or a real estate attorney. In today's market, most banks will do anything possible to keep paying homeowners around.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Thanks, Scott. I am in AA and have found a HP. I have been praying every day, morning and night, and every time that I find myself getting ahead of myself in my head. My sobriety is first and foremost in my mind. It is more important that anything else in my life - kids, husband, home, job. I have attended an AA meeting every day since getting released from jail on Saturday. Sometimes I wish I could go to more than one a day, and I probably will on the weekends. I also plan on volunteering for the annual AA picnic this upcoming Sunday that happens through the Fellowship Club that I am most involved with.
My drinking is most certainly the root of all of my problems. I can fully admit that I would not be in this situation if it weren't for alcohol. That is why I am finally getting off the log and jumping into this program with all my ability. I have a sponsor and I am following all of her directions. Things will work themselves out, I have faith. My mantra right now has to be, "Not in my time, in God's time."
My drinking is most certainly the root of all of my problems. I can fully admit that I would not be in this situation if it weren't for alcohol. That is why I am finally getting off the log and jumping into this program with all my ability. I have a sponsor and I am following all of her directions. Things will work themselves out, I have faith. My mantra right now has to be, "Not in my time, in God's time."
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Great job on heading to a meeting instead of looking for an escape that ultimately has a dead end. I can't imagine how much it must hurt to be separated from your children but it's good that they're able to stay with their grandparents, for the reasons you mention.
You're absolutely right to prioritize your sobriety - I'm trying to do the same thing at the moment.
Volunteering at the AA picnic is a great idea. Service commitments are a big part of recovery through AA.
You're absolutely right to prioritize your sobriety - I'm trying to do the same thing at the moment.
Volunteering at the AA picnic is a great idea. Service commitments are a big part of recovery through AA.
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I finally got called down to the boss's office yesterday. That was the last shoe that I was waiting for to drop (I think), and now it's over. Unfortunately, I prolonged my misery by being deceptive during the meeting and telling them that I called work from my cell phone last Friday to let them know I wasn't going to be there when in fact I was in a holding cell without the ability to make a call to work. That kept me up half the night and I went to HR first thing this morning and told her the truth. All the fear and anxiety....and I left her office with a smile and a hug, and no worse of a punishment other than the verbal warning I was given yesterday. I needed to be honest (seeing as I've never worked an honest program before) and, as she put it, you can't rewrite the book if you keep reading the same chapter.
Onward and upward, my friends. I have been a miserable fool for the better part of this year, and I look forward to becoming a better, happier, healthier me with each passing day. If I can survive what I have gone through this past week, I can survive anything.
Onward and upward, my friends. I have been a miserable fool for the better part of this year, and I look forward to becoming a better, happier, healthier me with each passing day. If I can survive what I have gone through this past week, I can survive anything.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
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I have a lot of respect for you for coming here and posting all this. It really takes a lot guts to open yourself up like this. Shows a lot of strength. You will get thru this!
God bless you and keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!
God bless you and keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!
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I've got a lot on my plate for the next few days, jumping through the hoops that Family Services wants me to jump through in order to show that I'm 'fit' to parent my kids. I'll do whatever it takes. My primary focus is my sobriety, however. I would be focusing on that regardless if they told me to or not. I am done with that life and all of the drama and disasters that go with it. Eleven days today. I have been to an AA meeting every day except one, and I went to an AA picnic yesterday for three hours. I helped with setup for the first hour and a half, too. Some fellowship and fun at a non-drinking function does a body good. At least this body, anyway.
As a benefit, I finally got a good night's sleep last night. First night of no tossing and turning. No night sweats, no racing thoughts. Bliss.
As a benefit, I finally got a good night's sleep last night. First night of no tossing and turning. No night sweats, no racing thoughts. Bliss.
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