Is sobriety enough?? When does true recovery start?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 34
Is sobriety enough?? When does true recovery start?
Hey guys,
It has been a long time since I have written here. My RAF has been sober for almost 2 years now. He feels very happy with his decision and after sharing with his friends, they have been extremely supportive. They do drink and go out to bars but he does not partake in those activities. He has found new ways to have a social life that does not revolve around alcohol.
For a while I was throwing around terms like "dry drunk" which I don't love saying - I feel that it negates their choice to put down the poison. However, I do see some validity to it as well. Addiction is a disease that needs a multi-faceted approach in order to successfully stay sober.
Should I be worried that over the last 2 years of sobriety, he was only had 8 sessions in therapy? He has said from the start he is not interested in AA or any support groups.
I am so happy for him that he can finally be proud of the man that he has become. I just worry that without taking his recovery further, he might jeopardize his future, and in turn, my future.
It has been a long time since I have written here. My RAF has been sober for almost 2 years now. He feels very happy with his decision and after sharing with his friends, they have been extremely supportive. They do drink and go out to bars but he does not partake in those activities. He has found new ways to have a social life that does not revolve around alcohol.
For a while I was throwing around terms like "dry drunk" which I don't love saying - I feel that it negates their choice to put down the poison. However, I do see some validity to it as well. Addiction is a disease that needs a multi-faceted approach in order to successfully stay sober.
Should I be worried that over the last 2 years of sobriety, he was only had 8 sessions in therapy? He has said from the start he is not interested in AA or any support groups.
I am so happy for him that he can finally be proud of the man that he has become. I just worry that without taking his recovery further, he might jeopardize his future, and in turn, my future.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Oh boy. So here's the gentle truth. This goes back to the saying "stay on your side of the street." His recovery is up to him, and no amount of worrying on your part will change what he does. Just like you can't control his recovery, he does not control your future. It is up to you to focus on your recovery, and securing your future.
For the moment, sounds like he's doing fine. Worrying about the "what ifs" will drive you crazy. Relapse is always a risk, but again, not in your control. Stay in the moment, and focus on the fact that he's sober and happy.
For the moment, sounds like he's doing fine. Worrying about the "what ifs" will drive you crazy. Relapse is always a risk, but again, not in your control. Stay in the moment, and focus on the fact that he's sober and happy.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
"Should I be worried" implies that worrying does some good, or that you can do something about the subject of worry.
If you are wondering whether he is "safe" to marry now (assuming the "F" stands for fiancé), well, alcoholism is a lifelong disease. People with 20 years of AA recovery sometimes relapse. Some people recover just fine without a formal program or therapy or anything except making internal changes they need to do to stay sober.
Everything in life is a gamble. Some people who seem fine later develop a sex addiction or gambling addiction or an addiction to prescription pills. Some people develop cancer or other serious diseases and die or become disabled.
You're in the best position to decide whether his behavior is what you can live with or whether it makes you nervous.
If you are wondering whether he is "safe" to marry now (assuming the "F" stands for fiancé), well, alcoholism is a lifelong disease. People with 20 years of AA recovery sometimes relapse. Some people recover just fine without a formal program or therapy or anything except making internal changes they need to do to stay sober.
Everything in life is a gamble. Some people who seem fine later develop a sex addiction or gambling addiction or an addiction to prescription pills. Some people develop cancer or other serious diseases and die or become disabled.
You're in the best position to decide whether his behavior is what you can live with or whether it makes you nervous.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 350
Hi Alia. I am also trying to stay on my side of the street and leave my AH on his. One of my friends says that I am "living by bumper sticker" because I'm relying so heavily on slogans when I want to freak out or attempt to control.
"One day at a time" It's okay right now and that is all I need to worry about, right now.
"One day at a time" It's okay right now and that is all I need to worry about, right now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Hi. I stumbled onto the forum and find this side informative, I've been to Alanon in the past and got recovery info there as well as Years in AA. I feel that being dry is acting and reacting like I did when drinking and at times do today tho less often TG. Recovery is such a individual thing and as a result varies with the individual. I feel that if we don't change the person we came in as life can be miserable. By the way worrying usually works because most of our worries don't happen. BE WELL
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