One Week Free
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Eastern U.S.
Posts: 24
One Week Free
Today marks one week free from substances for me. I am feeling hopeful and proud. I would sum up my main objective as not going "unconscious" about my thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Believe me, this is not easy. I am using bits and pieces from many approaches to recovery (some 12-step ideas, SMART, ideas from Interpersonal Neurobiology, Buddhism and other spiritual traditions, and psychological approaches to healing in general as no one approach in entirety does it for me.
In some ways I wish I could fit comfortably pursuing just one path (e.g. AA or SMART) so that I could feel a greater sense of belonging and community. But experience tells me I must pick and choose what works for me and "leave the rest". I also need to tell myself that it does not matter if my bottom was higher than some - my substance use was distressing enough for me and that is all that matters.
As I tune in more to what I am feeling (no doubt what the substances were helping me avoid) I am recognizing a depth of anger and deep sadness. I think of Rumi's poem "The Guest House" and am trying to 'welcome them all in' for full expression and release. This is so hard. I know from experience if I label my feelings as 'negative' or 'wrong' this will entrench them even more. This is why I need to be so careful about exposing myself to points of view, that while well-meaning, convey a message that "something is wrong with me that needs to be fixed". I am far from perfect but I also know radical acceptance of emotions (and myself for that matter) is the only way to succeed, and ultimately live a contented life.
There have been moments this week when I was momentarily floored by a painful emotion. I remembered somehow my commitment to meet life on life's terms and just let the feeling 'burn' in me until it was no longer there. Of course, if appropriate I use CBT techniques to help but sometimes a feeling just needs to be fully expressed - no way around it. Here is where One Day At a Time comes in. I hope that as I build my distress tolerance, as they say, this will get somewhat easier with time. So grateful that I have managed thus far.
In some ways I wish I could fit comfortably pursuing just one path (e.g. AA or SMART) so that I could feel a greater sense of belonging and community. But experience tells me I must pick and choose what works for me and "leave the rest". I also need to tell myself that it does not matter if my bottom was higher than some - my substance use was distressing enough for me and that is all that matters.
As I tune in more to what I am feeling (no doubt what the substances were helping me avoid) I am recognizing a depth of anger and deep sadness. I think of Rumi's poem "The Guest House" and am trying to 'welcome them all in' for full expression and release. This is so hard. I know from experience if I label my feelings as 'negative' or 'wrong' this will entrench them even more. This is why I need to be so careful about exposing myself to points of view, that while well-meaning, convey a message that "something is wrong with me that needs to be fixed". I am far from perfect but I also know radical acceptance of emotions (and myself for that matter) is the only way to succeed, and ultimately live a contented life.
There have been moments this week when I was momentarily floored by a painful emotion. I remembered somehow my commitment to meet life on life's terms and just let the feeling 'burn' in me until it was no longer there. Of course, if appropriate I use CBT techniques to help but sometimes a feeling just needs to be fully expressed - no way around it. Here is where One Day At a Time comes in. I hope that as I build my distress tolerance, as they say, this will get somewhat easier with time. So grateful that I have managed thus far.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Hey Mukti - I'm one week on too! I could've written your post so well does it sum up how I'm feeling. Thank you.
I've been working on changing my own sense of identity. For me drinking was so bound up with my ideas about who I am that the removal of alcohol from the equation leaves me at a bit of a loss. Part of my new identity is as a non-drinker and I'm feeling my way through that now. But overall I guess these things will reveal and resolve themselves through time. My problem in the past was a tendency to try to have it all figured out before hand which of course is a procrastination tactic and allows continued drinking. Sometimes it is as simple as just don't drink the first drink.
Continued success to us and everyone else!
I've been working on changing my own sense of identity. For me drinking was so bound up with my ideas about who I am that the removal of alcohol from the equation leaves me at a bit of a loss. Part of my new identity is as a non-drinker and I'm feeling my way through that now. But overall I guess these things will reveal and resolve themselves through time. My problem in the past was a tendency to try to have it all figured out before hand which of course is a procrastination tactic and allows continued drinking. Sometimes it is as simple as just don't drink the first drink.
Continued success to us and everyone else!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Eastern U.S.
Posts: 24
Thanks, NewAtThis34 ! Here's to our continued commitment to health. I know what you mean about a tendency to want to have it all figured out first. This is new territory, for sure, so it is truly moment by moment. My best to you!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
